All We'd Ever Need
by Montana-Rosalie
Summary: Both Emma's and Killian's dreams crumble on the same night. They find comfort in each other.
1. We Are Glass

**I'm back! I passed my test so my diploma is pretty much in the bag, I just need to defend my thesis on Monday and it's over. This story has been planned for months, and it came out quicker than anything I'd ever written before; the first draft is just 7 chapters from being complete, but since I have stuff to do this month I'll be updating every other day just to be sure. As for subject matter, it's another no magic AU; Emma is a ballerina, Killian is a pianist, Emma is dating Neal, Killian is having an affair with Milah, but since Emma and Killian are good friends (or so they try to tell themselves), when their dreams crumble they find the strength (and love) in each other. I hope you enjoy; it's going to be angsty, but also more fluffy than the rest of my fics. **

* * *

Emma Swan walks into her morning class and drops her bag next to the wall of mirrors, sits on the floor and gets her pointe shoes on. While she's tying them she cranes her head around for Neal, but he's still nowhere in sight; she woke up to an empty bed and a note that said he had to go do something before class, and she's a little worried because the class is about to start and he's still not here.

"I think I saw him ducking into his father's office", Killian says from behind her and Emma grins, getting up and leaning against the barre next to him.

"What are you doing here?" She asks him, tilting her head to the side as tries to fix Killian's messy hair with her fingers; he looks like he'd just rolled out of bed, but in an entirely good way. _Just friends_, she tells herself and gives up on his hair, then lifts up her leg on the barre and starts stretching.

"Your pianist is sick. Again. I happened to be free this morning, so I'm stepping in", Killian says and Emma rolls her eyes.

"Couldn't they have found somebody else? You're too good for a ballet class and then when you're gone and we're back to Victor it takes us a week to readjust to his choppy playing", Emma complains, and Killian gives her a side-ways look, shaking his head at her.

"Victor isn't that bad and you know it. And besides, I missed you, lass. It's been a while since we talked", he says and Emma shrugs.

"I've been busy with Giselle; Neal needs a lot of rehearsals, otherwise he messes up and doesn't lift me properly. I love him and all, but I honestly can't understand how such a good dancer can be so bad at pas de deux", Emma says and stops herself before saying anything else unflattering about Neal because he'd never been Killian's favorite person in the world. "And it's not like it's _only_ my fault; you've been busy with Milah-"

"Shhh", Killian cuts her off, looking around at the other dancers, but luckily they are too wrapped up in their warming ups to pay them any attention. "If Gold finds out, I'm dead."

"When are you going to stop seeing her?" Emma asks him, her voice betraying more concern than she'd like because she worries about him; having an affair with a married woman can be potentially bad for your health, especially if the husband in question is the most fierce ballet company director in the country.

"When are you going to break up with Neal?" Killian asks her with a wink and Emma switches legs, bending forward and resting her cheek against her knee.

"Neal isn't the one with a vindictive husband", Emma says and Killian smiles darkly.

"No, he's just the one with a vindictive father."

"Killian, I'm serious", Emma says, standing up straight and laying her hand on Killian's shoulder, meeting his eyes steadily, all traces of a playful smile gone. "Gold has a very bad reputation. There are stories."

"Are you telling me I should actually be afraid of a tiny ex-ballerina with a cane?" Killian says, widening his eyes comically and chuckling to himself. "Good one."

"Once he and some other dancer were up for the same role; I think it was Basilio in Don Quixote… anyway, do you know what happened to the other guy?"

"I'm sure you're going to tell me", Killian says dryly and Emma's hand tightens her grip on his shoulder.

"Somebody pushed him under the train. Gold was on the other side of town when it happened, but nobody believed it was just a coincidence, but since they couldn't prove it, Gold got the role. Milah was dancing Kitri and three years later they were married."

"That's a lovely tale, but I still don't believe he'd actually do anything if he found out about Milah and I", Killian says and Emma wants to hit him upside the head for being so stubborn.

"At least be careful", she tells him softly, shivering at the thought that something could happen to him.

"Danger is my middle name and you know it", Killian says and winks at her. "After all, how many pianists do you know that love good old-fashioned bar fights."

"Places", Madam Mills announces and everybody scrambles to comply. Emma shakes her head at Killian and wraps her fingers around the barre, watching him walk away and sit behind the piano; as soon as he touches the keys they both get lost in the music and for the next hour and a half neither thinks about anything else.

She dances the way he plays and the rest of the world just goes away.

* * *

It's twenty minutes until curtain call and twenty-five until Emma is supposed to come out of a cardboard house as Giselle, but she's still in her dressing room, wrestling on her dress and trying to simultaneously pin her hair into submission, all the while looking at a pregnancy test on her desk, waiting to find out if her and Neal are going to have a baby that's going to prompt him to finally propose to her. If Giselle and duke Albrecht are going to have a happy ending in real life, if not in tonight's ballet.

"Sorry for barging in, but Gold is with Milah and-", Killian says from behind her and she whirls around, trying to block his view of the pregnancy test. "You okay, there, lass?"

"I can't tie the laces by myself", she lies and turns around so he can do it for her, hoping that he's going to be too focused on his task to notice the test.

Killian's nimble fingers make quick work of the laces and a shiver races down Emma's spine, her body reacting to him despite her best efforts not to be affected. She tries to fight a blush and bites her lip, stepping away from him as soon as he's done.

"Emma", he says her name the way a friend shouldn't, but doesn't say anything else and she turns around to face him, finding him gaping at the pregnancy test. "You're pregnant?"

"I don't know yet", Emma says in a small voice, but for some unknown reason she feels much better now that he's here.

"What does a plus mean?" He asks her and Emma snatches the test from his hand to make sure he saw the sign on it right.

"It means I'm going to have a baby", Emma says, blinking back tears of joy, her mouth stretching into a big smile.

There's a strange look in Killian's eyes that almost looks like regret, but it's gone in an instant and she convinces herself it was never there in the first place.

"Congratulations", Killian says and pulls her into a hug; Emma relaxes against him, wiping her wet cheek against his shoulder, smiling to herself when he tells her that she's going to be the best mother in the world because he reads her so well and always soothes her fears so damn easily.

Killian's voice in her ear and his kiss upon her temple feel better than they should considering the fact that soon she's going to marry Neal and have his baby, but now that she knows she's pregnant, she can blame her body's reaction on hormones. She pulls away and straightens Killian's bow tie, taking his hand and tugging him toward the door before they are both late for curtain call.

Killian digs in his heels and she turns to look at him, her breath hitching in her throat when he lays his palm against her still perfectly flat stomach.

"I'm happy for you, lass", he says, his eyes like two oceans she could get lost in so easily, and she entwines their fingers; she doesn't know why, but this moment feels incredibly bittersweet.

What she doesn't know yet, is that it's the last time he touches her with that hand.

* * *

Emma is so distracted she misses a few cues, but luckily it's nothing big and most of the audience doesn't notice; Neal is pissed off at her so she decides to wait and tell him about the baby after the show.

Since it's their closing night, there's a party that everybody in the company attends, and Emma spends twenty minutes looking for Neal. She finally finds him sulking in a corner and sits down next to him, giving him champagne as a peace offering.

"Do you want to hear why I was distracted tonight?" She asks him meekly and he downs the champagne before turning toward her, giving her a quick grin before he speaks.

"I have something to tell you first", he says and Emma wraps her arm around his shoulders and scoots closer to hear him better over the clattering of plates and an entire company talking at the same time.

"So tell me", she nudges him gently when he hesitates, a bad feeling coming over her because he can't quite meet her eyes.

"I'm leaving for Canada next week. The National wants me", he adds as an afterthought, looking at her with an expectant expression. "Say something."

Emma can't believe her ears. They've been living together for two years, danced together for four, and he did not mention anything about switching companies, much less moving to another country altogether.

"I don't understand", she says softly, searching his face for some sign that he's just kidding, that he's not really leaving her the way everybody else always does.

"It's a chance of a lifetime, Emma. I love you, and I'm sorry, but I just can't pass it up", he says as if that makes it all okay, as if it's perfectly normal to choose your career over the person you supposedly love.

"What about us?" Emma asks him, her voice shaking and her head rushing; she feels like she's watching them from outside herself, and realizes that Neal is trying not to grin as he tells her that he's sure he can find her a spot in the corps if she wants to come with him.

Emma lets go of him and stands up on shaky legs, looking down at him and finding that she doesn't even know him, that the man she had loved for the past few years exists only in her mind, and Neal is nothing like him, not if he can do this to her.

"I'm not going to go back to swaying in the background, Neal", she tells him and he cracks a smile he thinks is charming, not realizing he's just breaking her heart further. "Not for somebody who didn't even have the decency to tell me that he'd gotten an offer from another company and that he's going to accept it."

"I just told you", Neal says, standing up and looking at her like she's the one being irrational.

"Yeah, when it's already a done deal", Emma yells, gathers her coat and purse and storms away, shaking with anger as she tries to wade through the crowd and find the door leading out because she's desperate for fresh air.

Neal catches up to her when she finally exits the opera house, cold air like a slap on her flushed face.

"I didn't want you to freak out the way you're doing now, so I postponed the talk", Neal says and her lips press into a thin line as she shrugs on her coat and lifts her hand up to call the cab.

"You are a coward, and from now on I don't want you to talk to me at all. I'll come to pick up my stuff from your apartment tomorrow", Emma says, her voice like ice, her stomach turning when it hits her that she's going to have to raise their baby alone.

"Emma, come on. Be reasonable. Where are you going to sleep tonight?"

"I'd rather sleep in a cardboard box than next to you", she spits at him and breathes a sigh of relief when a cab finally separates itself from the traffic and parks next to her. "We are done."

Emma opens the door and gets inside, gives the cabbie Killian's address and breaks down, her shoulders shaking with heart-wrenching sobs; just a few hours ago she was on top of the world and now there's nowhere to go but up.

And Neal had never asked what was it that she wanted to tell him.

* * *

Emma rings Killian's doorbell but nobody answers so she waits in front of his building until an old lady from the fifth floor comes out and holds the door open for her, giving her a kind smile and telling her that whatever's wrong, she's going to feel better once she talks to Killian.

"Thank you", Emma says and gives her a watery smile, wishing that this is the kind of thing Killian could actually fix.

As the elevator takes her up Emma tries to figure out if she had seen Killian at the party at all, but she's pretty sure he wasn't there. She did see Gold and Milah together, and it probably made Killian duck out as soon as possible and go have a drink on his own.

"Where are you, Killian?" Emma says and knocks on his door one more time; she's so glad that he had showed her where his spare key is so now she can stand on tiptoes and take it from the top of the door frame, unlock his apartment and slip inside.

She goes straight to the living room, drops down on the couch and kicks off her shoes, her feet killing her after all those hops on pointe she had to do tonight.

All her calls to Killian go straight to his voice mail and she starts crying again, feeling so alone and hopeless; she's ready to put her career on hold for Neal's baby, and it hurts so much to know that he was never ready to do the same for her.

Emma curls up on the couch and cries herself to sleep, wishing Killian were here so he can tell her that she's going to be okay because she had never needed to hear it more than she does now.

* * *

Emma's cell phone wakes her up at half past three in the morning and she says Killian's name as soon as she picks up, rubbing sleep from her eyes and belatedly realizing that it could be Neal calling her to apologize and tell her that he had changed his mind about leaving.

It's neither of them.

"Is this Emma Swan?" A calm female voice asks and Emma sits up straighter, pushing her curls out of her eyes.

"Yes", Emma replies, holding her breath and telling herself that just because it's the middle of the night, it doesn't automatically mean that this is something bad.

"You're Killian Jones' emergency contact, so I'm calling to inform you that he'd just been admitted to the hospital."

Emma shoots up from the couch and puts on her shoes, already running for the door, all thoughts of Neal and Emma's uncertain future vanishing into thin air because Killian is hurt.

"What happened? Is he going to be okay? Which hospital?" Emma asks, quickly locking the door and slipping the key in her purse before taking the stairs because she doesn't have the patience to wait for the elevator.

"I can't give you any information over the phone. He was conscious when they brought him in and currently he's in surgery."

"Surgery?" Emma asks in a small voice because although this is not the first time she had gotten a call like this, it's the first time it's something serious.

The woman gives her the address and promises her more information in person, and Emma's hands are shaking as she hails a cab and climbs inside, telling herself that Killian is going to be okay.

She's broken already and she needs him to pick up the pieces, and he can't do that if he's broken too.

* * *

**Review?**


	2. Someone Wake Me Up

**Thesis defended, and I need to write 6 more chapters until the first draft is complete so I can start posting every day. I'm glad you like the idea for this story, and I hope you're going to like the rest of it too; there's a lot of angst, but later there's also a lot of fluff, so I hope it all balances out. Thank you for reading, reviewing and following, and enjoy.**

* * *

Emma gets to the hospital and the nurse behind the desk tells her that Killian was attacked and left for dead in some back alley, but he had managed to call for help before he lost consciousness.

"Why is he in surgery?" Emma asks, gripping the edge of the desk because her head is suddenly spinning and the last thing she wants to do is fall flat on her face.

"Whoever attacked him beat him up pretty bad; he's got a few broken ribs and he's going to need quite a few stitches, but the worst of his injuries almost made him bleed out", the nurse says and Emma sways on her feet. She can't quite wrap her head around the fact that Killian could've died tonight while she was crying over Neal like some stupid teenager. "You should sit down."

"I don't want to sit down", Emma snaps, taking a few deep breaths and unconsciously rubbing her stomach. "I just need to know what happened to him."

"They cut off his hand", the nurse says bluntly and Emma just looks at her, completely sure that she either heard wrong or all this is just a bad dream. "I'm sorry. Is he your boyfriend?"

"He's my best friend", Emma says faintly, still unable to believe that this is really happening. She remembers the way Killian had smiled before class yesterday, how he brushed off her warnings about Gold because he was on top of the world and he had believed Gold could never hurt him.

Obviously he could, and even if he wasn't there personally, he made sure to do the worst thing imaginable to Killian.

"He's a pianist", Emma tells the nurse and her expression softens with compassion, but Emma doesn't have time to stick around because her stomach lurches and she runs to the bathroom, throwing up and sliding down against the door until she's sitting on the floor.

She wants to wake up, or go back in time and do yesterday completely different, save Killian and save her heart from breaking, but since she can't do either she hugs her knees to her chest and rests her temple on the cool tiles, her face crumpling because while her future is uncertain, Killian is never going to perform again.

It's so unfair that everything can be taken from you in a blink of an eye, and you can't do anything about it because you never even saw it coming.

* * *

As soon as she comes out from the bathroom two policemen corner her and ask her a lot of questions she doesn't have the answers to. They seem to think that Killian had gotten tangled with some bad people and that they cut off his hand as a warning, and Emma just stares at them, wishing they would leave her alone.

Yes, Killian got tangled with a bad person, but she can't tell them that without talking to him first, because she knows him, knows that he's going to try to shield Milah from any kind of blowback despite the fact that his affair with her had cost him his hand.

There's no doubt in Emma's mind that Gold is the one responsible for what had happened to Killian tonight, but she's also fairly certain that proving it is probably going to be impossible.

And so she tells the police that the last time she had seen Killian was before the show, and that she hadn't spoken to him since then, despite calling his cell phone a dozen times after midnight.

"And why were you calling him?" The shorter cop asks her and Emma raises her eyebrows in confusion.

"How is that relevant?"

"If you want us to find whoever did this to your friend…" The taller one trails off and Emma sighs, telling them that she found out she was pregnant a few hours before her boyfriend told her that he's leaving, and Killian was the only person she can always count on.

She's crying again and the nurse behind the desk comes to her rescue, sends the cops away and leads her to the waiting room next to the OR.

"You should eat something", the nurse says and points to a vending machine and Emma nods unenthusiastically because the very thought of eating anything is making her sick again.

"How long until I can see him?" She asks the nurse, finding a handkerchief in her purse and wiping off her runny mascara. Her eyes are puffy and red from all the crying and her hair is a mess, but she doesn't care about anything except seeing Killian and making sure that he's not going to die on her and leave her all alone.

"It shouldn't be too long. I'll come get you as soon as the doctor comes out", the nurse tells her and Emma nods, hunting in her purse for spare change. She doesn't want to eat, but there's a baby growing inside her and she knows she has to.

It's only when she bites into an incredibly unhealthy chocolate bar that it finally hits her what's going to happen soon; she's going to get fat, and she won't be able to dance for months.

Emma's face crumples again but she eats the bar, telling herself that she is not the first ballerina to get pregnant, and that a lot of them come back to ballet, sometimes even after less than six months after having their baby.

_But you're not them_, a nasty voice at the back of her mind tells her, _you're not some prima ballerina assoluta, you're just a principal is a ballet company that's no different from dozens of other companies in the United States, that doesn't stand out in any way. _

You_ don't stand out in any way._

Emma is having the worst day of her life, but it's enough for her to look around and realize that Killian's day is worse and that no matter how much she needs him, he needs her more. She forces herself to take a few deep breaths and somehow stops panicking about her future, but that only makes her panic about his.

The day he strolled into class and sat behind the piano is still so clear in Emma's mind, how all the other ballerinas were doing their best to impress him, to jump higher and turn with more grace, to do more fouettes than ever before, but every time Emma glanced at Killian, his eyes were only on her. She was already dating Neal back then, but that day she had danced only for Killian, and when he came to introduce himself after class she even flirted with him.

Until Neal had noticed and came to stand behind her, wrapping his arm around her waist possessively and basically telling Killian to leave her alone.

"I think Emma can speak for herself", Killian had told him, winking at her and leaving her to talk Neal's ear off for behaving like a jealous caveman.

Killian had never tried to make a real pass at her and soon after he joined the orchestra they've become friends because they just understood each other well, and not even Neal's huffing could make her stop hanging out with him. When she looks back now she realizes that Killian had always been there for her, even after he had started to sneak around with Milah, and he's the only person in her life who had never let her down.

She's dreading the future, and she feels like somebody is punching her in her gut when she tries to imagine him waking up and realizing that his hand is gone and that the music that he had always loved more than anything else is lost to him.

Emma eats another chocolate bar and tells herself that he's going to be okay eventually because she's not going to let him deal with it alone, hoping that he's going to want to do the same for her.

* * *

The dawn is breaking over the city's skyline when Killian finally comes out of surgery and a different nurse comes to get Emma so she can talk to his doctor.

"You're the girlfriend?" The doctor asks, shaking her hand and leading her down the hallway to the recovery room.

"Yes", Emma says because she's not in the mood for clarifying their relationship right now; she's so tired that her eyes keep closing, but since coffee is out of the question she just soldiers on.

"He's young and strong so he's going to be okay. I patched up his ruptured spleen and shaped the stump; he can get a prosthetic in a few weeks. He was a pianist?" The doctor asks offhandedly and Emma winces at the fact that he's already using past tense, then tells herself that he's just calling it how it is; Killian is not a pianist anymore.

They reach his room and she blinks away tears when she sees him, but they just keep coming until her vision is blurry and she can't see anything anymore.

"You can go in, but just for a few minutes", the doctor tells her and gives her an encouraging smile, so Emma wipes her face and sniffs before opening the door and crossing the room to Killian's bed.

There are no chairs in this room and she doesn't want to jostle him so she remains standing, her eyes taking in all the bruises on his face; his right eye is swollen and the stitches beneath it are going to leave a scar. Emma wants to look away but she can't because she doesn't want to see his worst injury, so she catalogues every cut on his face until she can see them all when she closes her eyes, her hand finding his and gently squeezing his fingers.

And then she finally looks past the bandages around his chest and down his left arm to find it ending abruptly a little above the place where his wrist should be. Her thumb is rubbing endless circles on his other hand, on his _only_ hand, her eyes going back to his face as she bites the inside of her mouth because she doesn't want to cry in front of him even if he's still unconscious.

"You're going to be okay", Emma tells him softly, wishing she could shield him from all the pain he's going to feel once he wakes up, wishing that she had done so many things differently, but most of all, wishing he could wake up long enough to tell her that she's going to be okay too because they are going to get through everything together.

"Let's leave him to rest now, shall we", the doctor says and Emma nods, then leans down and presses her lips against the top of Killian's head because his face is too battered.

A tear escapes her and falls on his nose, sliding down his cheek and disappearing into his scruff, and it's the moment Emma's heart breaks all over again, and she realizes that seeing him like this hurts her more than Neal's abandonment.

"When is he going to wake up?" Emma asks the doctor and glances at Killian one last time before exiting his room, wiping her face and telling herself to stop crying already because her tears are not helping anybody.

"Not before lunch. Go home and rest a little, and then you can come back to see him again", the doctor tells her and walks away, whistling to himself and making her want to punch something.

Since there's nothing she can do here, Emma goes back to Killian's apartment and takes a long shower, puts on the first shirt she finds in Killian's closet, eats cereals and collapses on the couch, setting her alarm clock for noon because she needs to be there when Killian wakes up, needs to be there for him even though there's nothing she can say or do that would make him hurt less.

* * *

Less than three hours later Neal's ringtone wakes her up, but she just declines his call because he's the last person she wants to talk to. He tries a few more times, then sends her a text in which he asks her when is she going to come pick up her stuff. The phone slips from her fingers and lands on the floor and Emma just sits there, staring at Killian's piano and wishing he were here to tell her that Neal isn't worth it.

It still hurts so much that he doesn't even try to get her back, that he doesn't even attempt to make her forgive him and come with him to Canada, and his only concern is when she's going to collect her things from his apartment. For a moment she wonders if she should tell him about the baby, if maybe that would make him stay, but then she realizes that she doesn't want him to stay because he thinks he has to; she wants him to stay because he wants to, because he needs to be with her.

The way he's behaving is making her start to revaluate their entire relationship and she doesn't like how it looks in hindsight.

Since it's almost noon anyway, Emma gets up and fixes herself a snack, then calls Milah to see if she knows what had happened. They never liked each other much, but Killian cares about her and he's going to need her; she's got a perfect reason to leave Gold for what he'd done to Killian, but Emma doubts she's going to do it.

Milah picks up and when Emma tells her that Killian is in a hospital because her husband had paid somebody to beat the shit out of him, Milah pretends to be surprised, but she is way too calm, which makes Emma realize that Gold had told her already.

"Go to the police. Tell them what you know", Emma says and Milah laughs bitterly, her voice breaking a little when she speaks.

"My husband knows influential people, and even if he didn't, you just saw for yourself what he did to Killian; do you honestly think I'd risk my life for him?"

"He would do it for you", Emma says through gritted teeth, he grip on her phone tightening the way she wishes it could tighten around Milah's unnaturally long neck.

"Then he's a fool. I made it pretty clear that we're just having fun."

Emma sees red and slams her fist on the kitchen counter, her voice rising with every word she spits into the receiver.

"That man just lost his hand because of you, and you're not going to do anything?! You have no soul."

"Tell him I'm sorry", Milah says and hangs up on her, and Emma walks to the couch, takes one of the cushions she made Killian buy last year and screams into it until she's blue in the face.

She doesn't feel any better.

Twenty minutes later she's dressed in the same dress she had worn last night and on her way back to the hospital, back to Killian.

Just like she doesn't have anybody but him, he doesn't have anybody but her, only he doesn't know it yet.

* * *

**Review?**


	3. You've Got Me

**This chapter contains a bucketload of angst, so thread carefully, but I promise that happier times are coming for Killian and Emma. Thank you for reading, following and reviewing; I can't tell you how much it means to me, and it definitely makes me write faster.**

* * *

Emma sits in a chair next to Killian's bed in a room different from the one before; there's an actual window here and afternoon sun is kissing his face, casting long shadows of his eyelashes against the bruises covering his cheeks. She'd been here for about an hour, waiting in silence for his eyes to open, trying to figure out a way to break it to him gently that his hand is gone.

There's no such way.

Emma has been dreading a lot of things in her life, but nothing was scaring her as much as this, as the prospect of him hating her for being the bearer of bad news. A part of her is telling her to just go and come back tomorrow after somebody else tells him what he had lost, but Emma ignores it; if she were in his position she'd want to hear it from somebody who cares about her instead of a stranger.

Just then Killian swallows tickly and lets out a small moan, frowning and then wincing when the movement pulls at the cuts on his face.

"Killian", Emma says his name softly and gets up from her chair, leaning over him and laying her hand gently on his bicep because he's attempting to sit up even before he opens his eyes. "Stay down, Killian, stay down."

His eyes finally open and Emma smiles the first smile since Neal had left her, all her heartbreak taking a back seat now that Killian is awake.

"Emma, what- There's two of you", he says and blinks a few times, squints and closes one eye, then another.

"It's the after effects of anesthesia, it'll pass", Emma tells him and he nods slowly, his eyes closing again.

"Why aren't you in class?" He asks her, his words coming slowly as if he's struggling to stay awake.

"No classes two days after the last show, remember?" She tells him, grateful that he's still too out of it to even notice that his hand is missing.

"I'm thirsty", he says, and Emma wishes nothing more than to give him whatever he wants, but the nurses had told her that she can't give him anything for another couple of hours.

"I know. Go back to sleep and when you wake up you can get some water", Emma says and he licks his lips, his eyes drifting closed again.

"Don't go anywhere", he says softly and falls back asleep even before Emma can answer him.

"I won't", she tells him anyway and goes back to her chair, wiping away a tear that slides down her cheek. She checks her phone and sees that she's got another ten missed calls from Neal, so she sends him a text saying that she's going to come get her clothes later, then turns it off and returns her full attention to Killian.

It's silly, but she believes that her affection will help him sleep better and heal quicker, and besides, what else is there for her to do but be there for him?

* * *

Next time Killian wakes up Emma is ready with a glass of water, slipping the straw in his mouth when he raises his head and being careful not to let him drink too much all at once.

"You stayed", he says softly and Emma sets the glass on the nightstand, carefully sitting next to him and slipping her hand into his.

"I don't have anything better to do but watch you sleep", she teases gently and he smirks, then gasps in pain and makes her heart clench painfully in her chest.

"I can only imagine how happy Neal is about that", Killian says and looks at her steadily, making Emma's carefully controlled expression slip a little.

"It doesn't matter what he thinks anymore."

Killian frowns and winces again, his eyes locking on hers as if he's trying to read the meaning behind her words in them.

"What did he do, lass?" He asks her, his fingers squeezing hers gently as if he's trying to tell her that he's there and that she can tell him anything.

Emma knows she should tell him about his hand, but she can't bring herself to do so yet because she doesn't want to watch the light in his blue eyes going out once he realizes that he's never going to perform again; she doesn't change the subject and tells him about Neal's decision to leave the company and his offer to find her a place in the corps. Killian curses under his breath, a muscle jumping in his jaw before he takes a deep breath and makes a conscious effort to relax, his eyes so sad when he speaks again.

"What about the baby?"

"I didn't tell him", Emma says, and his thumb rubbing circles on the back of her hand is so comforting it hurts; Killian is supposed to be just a friend, but his concern for her wellbeing is unlike anything she had ever experienced with Neal.

She chooses not to analyze what it means just now.

"I don't think it would make him change his mind even if you did", Killian tells her gently, as if he's afraid the truth would break her, and Emma shrugs; even though her chin is trembling, she's not going to cry.

"I don't want him to stay just because I'm pregnant", Emma says, her voice breaking because she still doesn't know how she's going to go back to dancing raise her baby alone at the same time.

"I hope you've made yourself at home at my apartment because you're staying with me", Killian says even before she asks him if she can crash at his place until she figures things out, and the relief is so great that she can't stop a few tears from escaping.

"Thank you", she says and he gives her one of those rare, beautiful smiles that make her think that they are only reserved for her.

And then he raises his other arm to wipe away her tears and freezes it halfway to her face when he sees that his hand is gone, all that remains a stump wrapped in white bandages. Killian's eyes find hers as if he's asking for confirmation, or, more likely, for her to tell him that this is just a bad dream he's soon going to wake up from.

She wishes she could.

"I'm sorr-", she starts to say but his scream cuts her off, and he wrenches his hand from hers trying to sit up even though it must hurt like hell with his busted ribs. "Killian, calm down!"

Emma leans over him and lays her hands on his shoulders, trying to make him look at her and stop panicking, stop trying to escape from himself and what had happened to him.

"Hey, hey, look at me", Emma pleads with him, her heart slamming against her ribcage because he's not listening; he's crying and trying to claw off the bandages and it's the worst minute of Emma's life.

Thankfully, the nurses hear them and come in, sedating Killian and telling Emma that she can let him go now.

"We need to change this bandage", one of them says and looks at Emma expectantly, as if to see what Emma is made of, if she's going to run away so as not to have to look at his stump.

Emma is conflicted because she's not so sure Killian would want her to see, but then again, she's going to eventually if he still wants her to stay in his apartment after what just happened; she had messed up so badly and the guilt is breathtaking.

Is she had told him before he'd seen it, his reaction probably wouldn't have been such a violent one.

"I'm staying", Emma tells the nurses and raises her chin defiantly, her hand finding Killian's as she wipes away the tears from his cheeks, her own threatening to spill again; she looks up and somehow keeps them at bay.

"You're gonna have to help him change it anyway when we release him", the nurse who sedated Killian tells her and there's an approving look in her eyes when Emma just nods; one thing Emma Swan is not is squeamish, especially when people she cares about need her help.

Emma learns that the nurses' names are Ruby and Belle, she learns what kind of bandages she's going to have to pick up for Killian before he comes home, and most importantly, she learns how to wrap the bandage so it doesn't end up slipping off.

The sight of his stump is shocking, and for a moment Emma can't do anything but stare at the damage; she knows his hands so well and she can't believe one of them is just gone, that the fingers that had played so well and coaxed the most beautiful music from a piano are forever lost; the police didn't find his hand and they think it was taken so that the doctors can't reattach it, which chills her to the bone because Gold had apparently thought of everything when he had given his instructions to the men who attacked Killian.

Afterwards she sits next to Killian, watching his chest rise and fall, trying not to think of the scar on his stump but unable to stop seeing flashes of it every time she blinks; she feels guilty that she's more focused on the way it looks than the way it's going to impact Killian's life, but she guesses it's just human nature to care more about the external at first. The most important thing is that she can handle it, that she can be strong for him and that she still sees him, still sees the same man he'd always been.

The visiting hours are long over when Emma realizes she had overstayed her welcome and she gets ready to leave, but it feels wrong to just go without saying goodbye so she tears a page out of her notebook and writes Killian a message. She tells him that she's going to come back tomorrow, that she's so very sorry for how she handled things and that she hopes he's going to forgive her for it. Her pen bleeds a little so it looks like she'd been crying while writing it, but since she's constantly blinking back tears anyway she leaves it like that and signs her message with just her initial even though her hand almost makes an x mark next to it all on its own.

Emma folds the piece of paper and closes his fingers around it, making sure it's secure in his fist so it won't fall to the floor accidentally before he wakes up, and then leans down and leaves that x mark upon the top of his head.

"See you tomorrow", she says softly and leaves, regretting their parting as soon as she closes the door behind her.

* * *

Emma rings the doorbell and hands Neal his keys the second he opens the door, walking past him and getting her suitcase out of the hallway closet.

"Where have you been since last night?" He demands, walking a step behind her all the way to the bedroom. Emma dumps the suitcase on the bed that's not theirs anymore and starts throwing clothes into it so she can get away from him as soon as possible.

"Don't even try to pretend that you don't know what your father did", Emma says without looking at him, going into the bathroom and getting her toiletries and cosmetics out of the cabinet above the sink.

"I have no idea what you're talking about", Neal says and comes into the bathroom, Emma's eyes narrowing because she can tell when people are lying to her and Neal definitely is.

"Just stop", she snaps and walks around him, then dumps her armload into the suitcase. She looks around the room and realizes that there's nothing left here that belongs to her so she drags the suitcase into the living room.

Neal doesn't even attempt to help her.

"So you're gonna live with him now, is that it?" Neal asks her as if he's got every right to know where she sleeps and with whom, as if they are still together and he can attempt to control her life the way he did before.

Emma starts going through the CD's next to the stereo, realizes that she can't be bothered and only takes her ballet awards before zipping up her suitcase.

"Answer me, Em", he says and that old term of endearment still has the power to break her, but Emma swallows her tears and looks at him over her shoulder; all she sees is a stranger glaring at her as if he owns her.

"You don't have to worry about me, Neal. Killian is going to take care of me and-", she trails off because she had almost said "my baby", and she doesn't want him to know.

"And what?" Neal snaps but she just picks up her suitcase and goes, needing to get away from him because despite everything, she still wants him back; there's a big part of her that's craving his touch and wanting him to say that he's not going anywhere.

"Goodbye, Neal", Emma says as she opens the door, looks at him one last time and then leaves him standing there, the door swinging shut between them.

* * *

Emma gets the night guard to let her into the company building, puts on her pointe shoes and goes to the studio.

Dancing has always been comforting for her, a way to escape, first from the confines of the orphanage she grew up in, and then from anything that wasn't going well in her life; every time she and Neal had fought, she came here and she danced, and it made her feel better, made it easier for her to forgive him.

Emma does a series of pliés, relevés and tendus, trying to erase Killian's scream from her mind by going through the motions and focusing only on her body. After a while it works and she moves to the center of the studio, starts doing the variation from the first act of Giselle, then stops because it reminds her of Neal too much.

Her feet move on their own and she's Kitri again, dancing the first variation Killian had ever seen her do. It comes to her as easily as breathing because Don Quixote is her favorite ballet and she had memorized the steps long before they let her be in it.

She finishes with a reverence and looks at herself in the mirror covering the wall, turning sideways and pressing her hands to her belly.

"Are you going to be a dancer too, baby?" Emma asks her flat stomach, than shakes her head at her own foolishness and leaves the studio, the calm that the dancing brought her already slipping because on the other edge of this city Killian is laying in bed, in pain and alone, his dreams shattered, his heart broken.

In a way, she knows how it feels.

* * *

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	4. We're Quite a Pair

**Thanks for reading/reviewing/following/favoriting, and without further ado, here's the new chapter.**

* * *

Emma wakes up before 6 a.m. and there a minute when she's still not aware of everything that had happened, when she doesn't remember that she's pregnant and that Neal is leaving, that Killian is in a hospital and more hurt than he'd ever been.

And then everything hits her at once and her eyes open, the contours of Killian's living room looking too harsh in the gray light of dawn.

Emma throws off the blanket and sits up, stretching until her stomach rebels and she has to run to the bathroom to throw up. It appears that the morning sickness is here to stay and Emma splashes her face with cold water, sitting on the edge of the bathtub until she's certain it's gone.

Since Killian's fridge is practically empty, Emma goes to the market and fills it up, already worrying about finances. She still doesn't know what to tell Gold because if she admits she's pregnant he's going to tell Neal, but if she doesn't tell him she's going to have to leave the company and it's going to leave her broke even before the baby is born; she's got some savings, but not enough to tide them over until she finds somebody else to dance for.

Still, she can't think about any of that while Killian is in hospital because her thoughts keep getting jumbled; she can't deal with it alone and she needs Killian more than ever, but he's got enough on his plate as it is; if she wants him to help her, first she has to help him.

The only trouble is, she doesn't know how to help him, because much like her feet, his hands were his livelihood and music was to him what dancing is to her; she can't even imagine being without it, and Killian is going to have to learn.

All she can do is be there for him, so after lunch she does the dishes, vacuums the living room, stalls for as long as she can and then finally goes back to the hospital.

* * *

Emma spends an hour waiting for her blood-work to come back and then gets a final confirmation that she is indeed pregnant. After that, there are no reasons left for her to stay away from Killian, so she goes up on the third floor and knocks on Killian's door, slipping inside before he's got a chance to say anything, his eyes following her as she crosses the room to his bed.

"Hey", Emma says softly and drops her bag on the chair before taking off her jacket and sitting next to him.

"You're not supposed to sit on the bed", Killian says, tilting his head to the side, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

Emma raises her eyebrows at him and remains where she is. An awkward silence settles over them and they just look at each other for a while, their eyes saying more than words could.

"I'm sorry", they finally speak at the same time, and Emma shakes her head vehemently.

"You didn't do anything wrong. It's my fault; I should've said something, prepared you-"

"There's nothing you could've said that would've prepared me for seeing that my hand is gone", Killian says, his voice breaking a little on the word hand.

"I'm still sorry I hadn't tried", Emma says, her eyes drawn to his remaining hand; they have removed his rings and it looks strangely naked without them.

"Did you make yourself comfortable at my place? And please don't tell me you're sleeping on the couch", Killian tries to change the subject but Emma would have none of it.

"The couch is fine", she says and shakes her head when he tries to argue that it's ridiculous for her to sleep on the couch when his bed is empty. "Was the police here earlier? Did you tell them that it was Gold?"

"I don't want to talk about it", Killian says and turns his head away, which brings his stump into his line of vision. He closes his eyes and grits his teeth, Emma's heart sinking in her chest.

"Are you in pain? Do you need-"

"What I need is for you to drop it", he says and Emma feels helpless and quite a bit hurt.

"You lost your hand, Killian. It's not something that's just going to go away if you don't talk about it", she tells him and tries to reach for his hand, but the look in his eyes stops her.

"I talked to the police about my hand. Then I talked to a psychiatrist about how losing my hand makes me feel, and the only thing that got me through those conversations was your promise to come back, so can you not try to force me to repeat all that for the third time today?" He asks her, his voice faltering and his eyes shining with tears.

"Okay", Emma says and he nods to himself then pats her knee and asks her what she's going to tell Gold.

The place he touched is burning and the heat is surging through her veins, so Emma gets up and starts pacing in front of his bed, telling herself it's just the pregnancy hormones.

"I don't know. I was kinda hoping you'd help me figure it out", she tells him, then cracks open a window and sticks her head out to cool her flushed cheeks.

"You can tell him that you're taking a break from dancing because his son broke your heart", Killian suggests and Emma realizes that she hadn't really thought about Neal since last night, all her thoughts focused either on Killian or the baby.

"Gold won't buy that", Emma says and drops in the chair, scooting closer to him and resting her elbow on his bed.

"What do you mean?"

"Ballet is freedom, and an escape, so if my heart is broken, that only means I'm going to want to dance more, not less", Emma explains and Killian thinks about that for a moment, then shrugs.

"That might be true for Gold, but you can convince him that it's not true for you", Killian says and she wonders if his music was an escape too, or if he couldn't stand it after bad break-ups.

She's not going to ask him because she knows that the subjects of music and his hand are closely linked, and there's no talking about one without talking about the other.

"If I tell Gold that, I have to go on a break immediately", Emma says, panic creeping into her voice because while she was coming to terms with not performing for at least six months, she had always thought she'd go to classes for as long as her baby bump would allow her.

"I think you should", Killian says softly and the concern in his eyes is something so new to her that she almost doesn't recognize it.

"Why?" She asks him even though she's fairly certain she already knows what's he going to say.

"Because Gold is dangerous, and I'm afraid of what he might do if he finds out that you didn't tell Neal about the baby", Killian says and a shiver runs down Emma's spine.

"I think that Neal jumped on that opportunity so fast because he really wanted to get away from his father", Emma tells him, hating how uncertain she sounds.

"If he'd rather lose the woman he supposedly loves just to get away from his daddy's shadow, then he doesn't deserve you anyway", Killian says and Emma gives him a faint smile he returns, and it instantly makes her feel better.

"Would you face your father for a woman?"

Killian and his father haven't been talking for years because Killian had chosen music over the career his father had in mind for him; they had a big row over it and his father had kicked him out and disinherited him.

"I would face much worse than my father for the right woman", Killian answers her and at first she thinks he's talking about Milah and she tries to figure out how to tell him that Milah doesn't feel the same about him, but there's something in his eyes that completely throws her for a loop and she's not sure of anything anymore.

"I can still do the classes at home and stay in shape", Emma says faintly but she had already reached a decision; the most important thing to her is the safety of her baby, not ballet. "But what am I gonna do about the money?"

"You've got savings, and I'm pretty sure there are a lot of companies that are going to want you", Killian says and it's the moment Emma begins to wonder if what her and Killian have goes beyond friendship, and they just never gave it a chance to turn into something more.

"How much is a lot?" Emma asks and he chuckles to himself, brushing a lock of hair away from her forehead.

"If they are smart, all of them", he tells her and it feels incredible to have somebody believe in her like that.

She never knew what she was missing because she never had that before.

* * *

Days pass and Emma still hasn't said anything about Milah, but since Killian doesn't bring her up, Emma doesn't either. She also hasn't been going to classes, but she's still trying to figure out how to convince Gold that her giving up ballet for a while is Neal's fault.

At the end of Killian's first week in hospital Emma looks up from their Scrabble board to see Milah standing in the doorway and staring at Killian's stump. Emma jumps to her feet and manages to get her attention before Killian notices, then glances at him with a raised eyebrow, waiting to see if he wants to talk to Milah.

Emma is relieved that she had come to talk to him, but she's got no qualms about physically kicking her out of his room if he says so.

"Give us a minute", Killian says and Emma nods, takes her bag from the chair and gives Milah a warning look on her way out the door, praying that she doesn't break Killian any more than he already is.

If she's anything like her husband and step-son, Killian is screwed, and Emma is too because his sadness is weighting her down more than she'd admit, more than it should if she only loves him like a friend.

* * *

Emma gives them fifteen minutes and returns with coffee for Killian and hot chocolate for herself, but Milah is already gone. Killian's eyes are closed but she's not fooled, so she drops on the bed next to him and tells him that she brought coffee.

"One sugar?" He asks and opens one eye, making Emma chuckle and nod because she'd know how he takes his coffee even if somebody woke her in the middle of the night.

"What happened?" Emma asks as she hands him the cup, looking at his face as he takes a careful sip; the bruises are slowly fading and he's not wincing every time he raises an eyebrow at her anymore.

"Apparently, Gold told her she's never going to dance again if she keeps seeing me", Killian says and to Emma's surprise, he doesn't look too shaken up about it.

"And you're okay with that?" Emma asks him tentatively and he shrugs.

"It's better than the alternative", he says, his face falling a little.

"Which is?" Emma asks even though she's dreading his answer.

"I was just her boy toy, and now that the toy is broken, she doesn't want it anymore", he says and glances at his stump before taking another sip of coffee.

"She doesn't deserve you either way", Emma tells him and waits for him to meet her eyes, hoping he can see the truth in them; any woman would be lucky to have him, hand or no hand.

"We're quite a pair, aren't we?" He asks her, his voice so gentle that Emma can help but smile, feeling an incredible rush of affection for him.

"We are", she says and they enjoy their drinks in comfortable silence.

* * *

Emma hails a cab and checks her phone; there are five missed calls from Gold and her stomach turns at the thought that he's onto her, but then she realizes she had missed three days of classes and he's probably calling to tell her she can't do that.

The truth is that Emma hadn't stopped dancing; she's just doing it in Killian's apartment instead of the studio; luckily, his living room has unpolished hardwood floors that are perfect for her, she's using his radiator as a makeshift barre because it's just the right height for her, and she's fairly certain Killian won't mind that she had moved his furniture around a bit.

Gold answers immediately and the first thing he asks her is if she's replacing Neal with Killian so quickly.

"Excuse me?" Emma huffs, rightful indignation making her voice uncharacteristically high.

"You heard me, Miss Swan. You've missed six classes and you're staying in our poor ex-pianist's apartment. It's not really hard to put two and two together. What I don't understand is why you would rather hold his only hand in the hospital than dance."

"It's none of your business whose hand I'm holding because your son made sure it's not his", Emma says, realizing that she'd be looking for a new company right about now even if she wasn't pregnant because she wouldn't be able to stand to look at Gold's smug face after what he did to Killian.

"It is my business if it's impacting your performance, Miss Swan. You have until next week to either come back to class or find a new job", Gold tells her and hangs up, and Emma drops down on the piano bench, opens the lid and traces her fingers along the keys.

Killian is coming home next week and he's still avoiding any kind of talk about his hand. In fact, he's still avoiding looking at his stump if he can, and it's making her dread the day he walks in this room and sees the piano she's sitting behind.

Both of their lives have fallen apart, pretty soon they are going to be broke because neither can do what they were born to do, but all Emma feels when she thinks about the future is a sort of wild hope unfolding inside her and leaving her completely breathless. She doesn't know how she knows it, but she's certain that as long as they are together, they are going to help each other through and they are both going to be okay.

Emma closes the lid of the piano and puts on some music, spends the next forty-five minutes at the barre and then dances around the room for another hour. Most of the jumps are out because there's just not enough space even with the rearranged furniture, but she can do plenty of turns and it's better than nothing.

She feels strong and confident, and she smiles when she remembers Killian's words; _I'm pretty sure there are a lot of companies that are going to want you._

"I hope you're right", Emma says softly and goes to make herself dinner, still wearing her pointe shoes.

* * *

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	5. Bend But Don't Break

**Thank you for all the feedback, I really appreciate it, and I'm glad you like this story; it's going to get better soon, I promise! Here's the new chapter, I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

Physically, Killian is recovering nicely. His bruises are almost gone, the stitches are out and safe for a scar under his right eye, his face looks the same it ever did. His ribs are still sore but the doctor lets him out of bed and Emma waits on his bed as he takes a shower. Nurse Ruby is in there with him, helping him, and Emma catches herself wishing she was the one doing it, her eyes widening and her cheeks burning because it's the hormones, _just_ the hormones.

Killian is her friend and she is his, and all the love she feels for him is purely platonic.

"You alright, lass?" Killian asks her and she jumps off his bed so he can sit back down, her mouth hanging open because this is the first time she's seeing him shirtless _and_ without the bandages around his chest.

"Yeah", Emma says faintly and Ruby smirks at her from behind Killian's back as she rewraps his ribs.

"You don't look so well. Is it the morning sickness again?" Killian asks her and Emma blinks a few times, somehow managing to look him in the eye instead at all that chest hair.

"It's the middle of the afternoon", she tells him with a raised eyebrow, wincing when he winces because Ruby isn't being all that gentle.

"Morning sickness can actually happen at any time, it's just called morning sickness because it mostly occurs in the morning", Ruby supplies and Killian cocks his head toward her.

"What she said."

"I'm fine", Emma says and Killian settles against the pillows with a sigh, his blue eyes watching her intently; she's glad that for once he can't read her because it would be awfully embarrassing for him to find out that she's finding him more desirable with every passing day.

"If you say so", he murmurs and pulls the covers higher so they cover his stump, and she realizes that it had never even crossed his mind that she could be lusting for him because all he sees when he looks at himself in the mirror is the absence of his hand.

It's either that or he is truly just her friend, so he can't imagine her feeling anything else but friendly affection for him.

* * *

On the morning Killian is being released from the hospital Emma's alarm clock doesn't ring and when she wakes up she's already late. Since Killian had lost his phone on the night both of their lives had changed, she can't call him and tell him that she's coming, so she throws on some clothes, digs through Killian's closet and grabs the first shirt and pants she comes across, along with a pair of sneakers, and then she's flying downstairs.

It's only when she's already in the cab that she realizes that the shirt is a button down and that it's not the luckiest choice considering the fact that Killian's only got his right hand and he didn't have much opportunity to practice doing things one-handed.

She guesses he's going to have to start today, but she still feels bad for not preparing his clothes yesterday and putting some thought into making it easier for him, instead of harder than necessary.

The ride takes longer than usual and by the time she finally rushes into Killian's room she's already an hour late.

"I'm so sorry, I overslept", she tells him, sets the bag with his clothes on the bed next to him and barely makes it to the bathroom before throwing up.

By the time she feels steady enough on her feet to go back into his room he'd already put on the pants and is now cursing under his breath as he's buttoning his shirt.

Or trying to.

"Sorry about that too", Emma says and slaps his hand away. "Let me."

"I have to do it myself", he tells her and Emma smiles, doing all the buttons except the one in the middle.

"Do it yourself. I just needed something to hold against you when I wake you up one night and demand you go get me cookies", Emma tells him even though she's fairly certain he'd go get them for her anyway.

"It was just a few buttons", Killian objects with a smile and finishes the last one quickly, making her feel irrationally proud of him.

"It's leverage", she tells him, glad that he's in a good mood despite her being late.

His smile turns into a frown when Ruby comes in to say goodbye and remind him that he needs to keep changing the bandage covering his stump for at least a week.

"Emma will help you", Ruby adds and winks at Emma before waltzing away, Killian's stormy eyes demanding an explanation.

"You were unconscious when they showed me how to do it", she says meekly and watches a muscle jumping in his jaw, but he doesn't say anything to that.

* * *

"I have to tell you something", Emma says when they come out of the elevator and walk down the hallway to his apartment. Killian had been silent during the ride home and she'd give anything to get any kind of reaction out of him, even if it's annoyance with her.

"Can't it wait until we're home?" He asks and she feels something incredibly warm inside her chest because his apartment is _their_ home now.

"It's about the apartment", she tells him and he lifts his eyebrow, leaning against the wall and pressing his hand against his ribs. "I kinda rearranged the living room so I can dance."

"You didn't get rid of the piano?"

"Of course not", Emma exclaims, horrified that he'd think she'd do that. He pushes away from the wall and as he walks past her she could swear he says: _too bad_.

Killian doesn't even blink at what she did with the place, but he notices her pjs on the couch and takes them to his room, dropping them on his bed.

"You're sleeping here, I'm taking the couch."

"No", Emma says and reaches for her pjs but Killian steps in her path, his scent assaulting her and making her forget her argument.

"What kind of a gentleman would I be if I let you sleep on the couch", he tells her with a smile that melts her heart, but as soon as he steps away she snatches the pjs and takes them back to the living room.

"You're too tall for this couch and even if you weren't, it's your apartment and I'm not taking your bed."

"You're pregnant", he says, his eyes flashing because he thinks it's the ultimate reason she should sleep in a bed and leave him the couch.

"Doesn't mean I'm an invalid", she says, the words falling out before she can stop them and then she can't take them back.

"But I am so I should sleep in a bed", he says weakly and they both glance at a place where his left sleeve ends and nothing begins.

"I didn't mean it like that", Emma says, coming closer to him and cupping his face until he looks at her. "I wake up before 8 a.m. every morning and dance; if you insist on sleeping here you're going to get pissed at me after a week and kick me out."

"You could dance on top of me and I wouldn't kick you out", he says and she blushes furiously because her over-hormonal mind goes straight to the gutter.

"How about a compromise? I sleep on the couch until your ribs get better and I actually start showing, and then we trade places?" Emma suggests, her palm burning where it's brushing against his scruff.

Killian agrees grudgingly and it takes a big effort for Emma to let her hand fall to her side and let him go.

* * *

Emma is cooking lunch when Killian comes into the kitchen and takes a beer out of the fridge; it's Heineken, the same kind Neal used to drink, and Emma just falls apart. Her vision gets blurry and her face crumples because it finally hits her that Neal is gone for good and he's not coming back.

"Emma", Killian says her name softly, sets the beer on the table and brushes his knuckles against her cheek before he cups her neck and pulls her in for a hug. Emma presses her nose against his shoulder and wraps her arms around his waist gently, only relaxing when he embraces her with both arms. "Shhh, it's going to be okay. I'll take care of you."

"I really thought he loved me", Emma chokes out, feeling like an idiot for wishing Neal would come back for her and beg her for forgiveness.

"I know, sweetheart. I know", Killian says, his hand rubbing her back in a soothing motion that calms her, but makes her hot too.

"How could he just leave like that?" She asks Killian and pulls away to look at him, but she's still keeping her arms around him because she doesn't want him to let her go.

"He never was the most reliable person", Killian points out as gently as he can but Emma still frowns in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"How many times did you have to call me to drive you home because he wasn't answering his bloody phone?" Killian asks her, and despite the "bloody", his voice is calm because he's just stating the facts.

"He was asleep", Emma says halfheartedly, and Killian brushes a lock of hair away from her forehead, giving her a crooked smile before he speaks.

"So was I", he says, and she remembers how his hair had stuck up adorably on one side of his head and she had to stop herself from commenting on it because he had sacrificed sleep and came to get her wearing the same sweatpants and T-shirt he went to bed in.

"Did I thank you for coming for me?" Emma asks him, realizing that her tears have dried without her noticing.

"Every time", Killian says softly and kisses her forehead before letting go of her and twisting the cap off his beer before he goes to the living room and she turns back to the stove.

* * *

Emma is just finishing her barre work when Killian comes into the living room and settles on the couch as if he's in the front row of a private show.

"What are you doing?" Emma demands, placing her hands on her hips and glaring at him.

"What does it look like I'm doing? Watching you dance."

"No you're not", she tells him firmly and he actually pouts.

"Why not? Are you suddenly shy? That's a bad characteristic for a ballerina", he says and gives her a challenging smile, making it impossible for her to deny him a performance.

"It's different when it's just you and me", she says but she puts on the music anyway.

She chooses to dance Odette variation because she had always felt close to her and because if she shortens the jumps she can actually dance it the whole way through; it's got nothing to do with the fact that Killian's favorite composer is Tchaikovsky.

And so she does, pretending that Killian is prince Siegfried, and she's a shy swan girl that can't help but want him even as she's running away from him.

Judging by the look on Killian's face when she finishes, he's as taken with her dancing as prince Siegfried would be with Odette's.

* * *

Emma wakes up to somebody screaming and lays frozen on the couch for a good minute, shaking in fear before she finally realizes it's just Killian. She wastes another minute trying to figure out what to do; the apartment is eerily silent but she's not convinced that he just went back to sleep or that he didn't even wake up from whatever nightmare he was having.

"The hell with it", she mutters to herself and creeps down the hallway, pushing open the door of his room tentatively and calling his name.

"Go back to sleep, Swan", he says, his voice rough as if he'd been shouting for a long time before she actually heard him.

If he had called her anything other than Swan she might've left him alone, but he didn't, and she can't.

"Are you going back to sleep?" She asks him softly and blinks when he turns on the lamp on the bedside table and the light almost blinds her.

"Eventually, yes", he says and Emma sits cross-legged on the unoccupied side of his king size bed, entwining her fingers in her lap and just looking at him. "What?"

"Sometimes it helps to talk about it", Emma tells him and he hits the back of his head against the headboard in frustration.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't want to talk about it?" He asks her, staring at the opposite wall and rubbing the stump with his hand forcefully, too forcefully considering the fact that it's still healing.

"It doesn't mean you shouldn't just because you don't want to", Emma points out and stretches out her hands to stop him from hurting himself. His hair is so soft on her fingertips and his hand is so warm in his, shivers dancing down her spine; she gets so spellbound by his perfect profile that she almost misses what he says next.

"I'll tell you if you promise you're going to go back to sleep next time I have a nightmare", he says and Emma bites the inside of her mouth because he thinks the nightmares are inevitable.

"You know I can't promise you that", she whispers and he turns his head to look at her, giving her the saddest smile she had ever seen.

"I know", he tells her and Emma tries really, really hard not to cry again, but her hormones are all over the place and she just can't stop herself. "Lass, hey, c'mon."

"I'm sorry", Emma sobs and covers her face with her hands, so embarrassed that she can't stop crying; Killian gathers her wrists in his hand and settles down with her head against his shoulder.

"Nothing to be sorry for, darling, just calm down", he whispers against her ear and she snuggles closer, pulling the covers over them both.

"I wish I knew what to tell you to make it better", she says miserably and he tugs her hair gently so she has to tilt her head back to look at him.

"You're making it better", he tells her, his eyes so blue and beautiful even in the dimly lit room, and Emma wipes off her tears and wraps her arm around his waist.

"Someday you're going to tell me everything", she tells him, and he smiles, shaking his head.

"You are such a stubborn lass."

"You wouldn't like me if I wasn't", Emma points out and he lifts his eyebrow at her.

"Who says I like you?"

"You let me stay with you for free", Emma whispers conspiratively, batting her eyelashes at him. "I think that means you like me."

"Maybe I'm just tired of ordering take-out", he says, both his smile and his eyes betraying his lie.

"Keep telling yourself that, buddy", Emma says and closes her eyes. "Good night."

"Good night", he says, and despite feeling completely exhausted, Emma fights sleep until his breathing evens out; it's only then that she lets herself drift off too.

Maybe it's just coincidence, but Killian keeps his arm around her all night and no new nightmares haunt him, no replays of what had happened to him disturb his sleep.

* * *

**Review?**


	6. You Can't Do It Alone

**Thank you for all the feedback, and you can expect more fluff and less angst as the story progresses. Enjoy the new chapter, and I'll keep posting updates every two days because I'm still not done with the first draft.**

* * *

The morning dawns and Emma is alone, her head on Killian's pillow, covers carefully tucked in around her. She rubs sleep from her eyes and lies there for a little while, staring at the clock and trying to make some sense of her emotions. The truth is, she loved falling asleep on Killian's shoulder, she loved how being that close to him had felt, and she can tell herself it's the hormones or her missing a warm body now that Neal is gone, but deep down inside she knows it's more than that.

She doesn't see Killian as just a friend, and she wonders if she ever did, if the attraction was always there, but since she was with Neal and he was with Milah, she hadn't even realized that spending time with him meant more than she thought.

Emma closes her eyes for a moment because even if he did feel the same about her, if he was just being a gentleman and that's the reason he hadn't tried anything, she's pregnant with Neal's baby now, and she doesn't think Killian would take them both. Her stomach lurches and she throws off the covers and spends almost half an hour in the bathroom, feeling like a marionette whose strings have been cut.

_You see, Emma_, a voice in the back of her mind says, _if he cared about you like that he'd come to at least hold your hair away from your face_.

She's crying and she doesn't know if it's because of all the throwing up or because she really wishes Killian were here.

* * *

Emma walks into the living room with her head held high, her steps faltering when she sees Killian. He's sitting behind the piano, holding his stump in his hand and staring at it intently, completely unaware that Emma had even entered the room.

The lid of the piano is closed and the silence is absolute, and a chill runs down her spine because it seems like music is never going to come from that instrument again.

"You can still play it", Emma says softly, coming to sit next to him when he doesn't even look at her. "Not like before, but you still can."

"It wouldn't sound right", he finally says after almost a full minute, and Emma doesn't have anything to say to that. He wasn't just some amateur who had learned to play the piano to please his mother when he was a child, and who only ever sits behind it when he's drunk and his friends demand entertainment; he's a concert pianist and music is his life.

Emma lays her hand on his forearm and wishes she could find something deep and meaningful to say, wishes she could erase his pain and make him smile, but nothing but time can heal him, and she's fairly certain that even after years he's never going to stop longing for what he had lost.

"I don't know what to do with myself anymore", Killian says softly, finally lifting his head and meeting her gaze; the look in his eyes takes her breath away because it appears he wants her to tell him what to do.

He needs her to tell him that life isn't over.

"I think you should see a therapist", Emma tells him because this is beyond her, his sadness is too big for her to deal with successfully on her own.

She might've lost the stage, but she didn't lose the dancing, and she can't put herself in his shoes.

"What's he going to tell me?" Killian chuckles darkly, and his eyes are burning with such rage it almost frightens her. Almost. "That I'm going to learn to live without my hand? I know that already, but how do I live without music? Who's going to tell me how to do that?"

Emma doesn't have the answer he's looking for and she doesn't want to tell him that he's going to be okay just for the sake of saying it, so she just wraps her arms around him and holds him tight.

She can feel his eyelashes ghost against her neck when he closes his eyes, tears falling on her skin like rain.

* * *

Emma paces the kitchen with a phone in her hand, dialing Gold's number and hanging up after the first ring, her hands shaking because she needs to do this for the safety of her baby, but she doesn't want to, doesn't want to make the call that can potentially mean the end of her career.

She misses the stage already, and it's only been two weeks since she died on it as Giselle, came back as a spirit and went back to rest again, all because of love.

"I love you", Emma tells her baby and finally dials and stays on the line until Gold picks up.

She tells him that she's taking a break, that her heart is broken and that everything at the company reminds her of Neal. She tells him that if she comes back to ballet, she's going to do it in another company in another city, because this one is always going to be Neal's.

"You're doing this because of Killian, and we both know it", Gold says, and he doesn't even sound angry, just mildly amused.

Emma is just relieved that he doesn't even suspect that she might be pregnant, but then again, why would he?

"I'm doing it because it feels like the right thing to do", Emma says and he laughs bitterly.

"You're making the greatest mistake in your life. Someday very soon you're going to long for the stage and it's debatable if you're ever going to be on it again", Gold says, and Emma realizes that he knows what's he talking about. After all, the stage was taken from him as abruptly and completely as it was from Killian, only it was an injury, not a violent attack.

Emma would feel sorry for him is she didn't hate him so much that she has to work really hard to keep her voice neutral; everything in her wants to hiss at him and ask him how could he do that to Killian, how could he blame him for his wife's infidelity and devise a punishment too cruel for his crime.

"I'll be fine", Emma says and gapes when Gold wishes her luck and tells her that if she ever wants to come back, she'll be welcomed.

They hang up and she slumps in the kitchen chair, but she's not crying; if anything, she feels like a great weight has been lifted, and for the first time in her life she feels free.

Sure, she's going to be broke soon and she's going to have to raise her baby alone, but something tells her that things will fall into place eventually and that everything will be okay.

* * *

"Do you wanna go out for-", Emma says, coming into Killian's room and stopping dead in her tracks, the word "dinner" dying on her lips and coming out only as an exhalation of breath.

Killian is trying to change his bandages alone and it just can't be done no matter how dexterous his fingers are.

"Let me help you", Emma says, her hands practically itching with need to do this for him.

"I can do it", he snaps, then tugs on one tail of the bandage with his teeth.

Everything slips off his stump and he just stares like he can't believe it had happened when he was so close to success.

"You're doing it wrong", Emma tells him and sits down next to him, rolling the bandage so she can start again.

"Do you always have to be such a know-it-all?" He asks her with a tentative smile and Emma beams at him proudly because she likes that about herself.

"You bet", she tells him and starts wrapping the bandage around his stump the way Ruby had showed her. Her hands are trembling because Killian is so close and he's watching her intently, but she manages to do everything right, finishing it off with a cute little bow and tucking it inside the last layer the way she does when she ties her pointe shoes.

"What would I do without you, Swan?" He asks her and she shrugs, then quickly lets him go when she realizes she's still holding his stump in her hands.

"You're never going to have to find out", she tells him and lifts her eyes to his, and suddenly she can't think about anything except how much she wants to kiss him, and it doesn't even have to be on the lips; she just wants to press her lips against his skin and breathe him in.

"Right back at you", he says and gives her a crooked smile that doesn't really reach his eyes, but it's a start.

"So about dinner? Out or in?"

"I'm not quite ready to make a spectacle of myself in public", he says and Emma nods and gathers the old bandages and the packet that had held the new ones so she can throw them in the trash.

Killian goes to his music room, which is basically a record store with a couch in the middle of it, but she doesn't know what he's doing in there because he's not playing any music. Emma goes to the kitchen and reaches for the menus on top of the fridge, dumping the bandages in the trash can; she's about to close the lid when she notices that it's filled to the brim with sheet music.

"Anything is fine except that barely cooked whatever it was from that vegan place you made me try last month", Killian yells and Emma replies that she won't order that, but her attention isn't on food anymore; it's on taking the sheet music out of the trash, smoothing the pages and trying to find a place in the kitchen he'd never look until she finds a better hiding place for it.

There's no way she's letting him get rid of it.

She finds a clean plastic bag, puts all the pages in it and she's about to shove the bag behind the refrigerator when she notices her name written on top of a page sticking out from the heap. As soon as she pulls it out of the pile she sees that he'd written the notes himself, and on top of the page isn't just her name; on top of the page is the title of the composition.

It's called "Emma Variation".

He'd written her music that he had hoped she'd invent a ballet for and it's the most beautiful thing anybody had ever done for her, and what hurts the most is that he was ready to throw it away because he can't play it for her anymore.

Emma folds the pages with her song carefully and puts them in the back pocket of her jeans, an idea forming in her mind even as she hides the rest of the sheet music and orders Chinese for dinner.

* * *

Emma rolls off the couch in the morning and lies on the floor for a minute stretching her back, and it takes her a while to realize that Killian's nightmares didn't wake her up tonight. She doubts that there weren't any; he was probably just quieter than usual.

She finds Killian's note on the kitchen table in which he tells her he'd gone to see about a job, and Emma catches herself tracing the letters of his name with her fingers, shakes herself and drops the note back on the table.

After she eats breakfast and does her lonely ballet class in the living room, Emma calls Victor and asks him if she can come by his place. He tells her he'll be there until the afternoon class and Emma gets dressed, takes Killian's sheet music from behind the fridge and her song from the pocket of her jeans before flipping Killian's note over and telling him that she'll be back by 2 p.m.

She hopes she'll be back before him so she doesn't have to lie and tell him that she'd been shopping when in fact she's going to Victor so he can play her Killian's composition.

* * *

"Can you keep a secret?" Emma asks Victor as soon as he opens the door and pushes past him into his apartment.

"Naturally", he says, and since Emma's lie detector stays silent, she shows him the composition and asks him if he can teach her how to play it. "Killian wrote this?"

"You can't tell him anything. I took it out of the trash last night", Emma says and hands him the bag with the sheet music. "Hide it somewhere."

"How is he?" Victor asks and literally shudders, and Emma feels a strange kind of anger coursing through her because it's so unfair that somebody as mediocre as Victor can keep playing when Killian's brilliance has been silenced. She feels bad instantly and drops on the piano bench as Victor opens a few drawers and finally places the bag at the back of the lowest one.

"As devastated as you'd expect", Emma says softly and presses a random piano key. "Will you teach me?"

"Of course. But why?"

"So Killian and I can play it together", she tells him; it's the only way she can think of that would allow Killian to play it for her, because she knows him, and knows he would refuse to do it with just one hand.

"It'll take a while. It's long and pretty complicated", Victor tells her but she just shrugs and tells him that she's got time.

"How about three days a week, at this time?"

"I'll be here", Victor agrees and even though she's pretty sure he's doing it for Killian and not for her, she still feels so very grateful.

When Victor sits down next to her and plays, Emma closes her eyes and sees herself dancing, the steps coming so easily because the music is so beautiful and _right_; she guesses that's what happens when a variation is written just for you and it brings tears to her eyes.

Her only regret is that it's not Killian playing it.

* * *

Killian comes home about an hour after her and tells her excitedly that one of his friends works at a radio station and their tech/DJ guy handed in his two weeks notice last week; the station manager is so desperate that he had hired Killian based only on his musical preferences.

"You already found a job?" Emma asks incredulously, then throws her arms around his neck and stands on her tiptoes to hug him.

"Yes I did, ow, lass, not that tight", he says and she remembers his ribs, quickly letting him go, and despite his gritted teeth he looks almost disappointed.

"I'm sorry. But congratulations", Emma tells him, and he runs his fingers through his hair, looking stunned himself when he tells her that he's starting next Monday, but he has to come in every afternoon this week so he can learn the tech aspect.

"How was your day?" He asks her but before she can say anything her stomach rebels and she runs off to the bathroom, for once glad that morning sickness can occur at any time of day.

A warm, gentle hand gathers her hair away from her face and Killian sits on the floor behind her, his handless arm wrapping around her waist and offering her silent support; Emma flashes the toilet and rests her head against his shoulder, a smile stretching her lips because he cares like _that_.

* * *

**Review?**


	7. Whole Again

**A lot of feels in this chapter, but at least Killian is letting her in, right? I hope you like, and thanks for all the reviews/follows; you guys are awesome! The first draft if finally done but I'll stick to the established schedule for a few more chapters because I'll be running around this weekend, but after that you can expect the usual chapter-per-day speediness.  
**

* * *

A week passes and Emma doesn't see much of Killian during the day because he's busy at the radio station learning the ropes; meanwhile, her piano lessons are going fine but she's beginning to realize that it's going to take a long time until she's adept enough to play her song with him.

When he comes home he asks her how was her day and she tells him that she did some ballet and a lot of walking, which isn't strictly a lie, but she feels bad for not telling him about her classes with Victor. Still, she tells herself it's so she could surprise him, so it's okay, even though a part of her is frightened of his reaction when he eventually finds out that she had kept all his notes, and especially that composition.

Every evening they order in and watch movies together, and she's not quite sure how, but she ends up with her head on his shoulder and his arm around her no matter how much distance there was between them in the beginning of the evening.

It's Monday night when he tells her that tomorrow after work he's got an appointment in the hospital because his prosthetic hand is ready for him.

Emma pauses the movie and pulls away so she can look at him, but he's staring at his lap with a pensive expression and doesn't say anything else.

"It's a good thing that it's ready. Isn't it?" She presses him gently and he shrugs, rubbing his palm against his thigh.

"Once I get it, then it's final; I'm the guy with a fake hand for the rest of my life", Killian says and Emma covers his hand with hers, making him turn his head and finally look at her.

"That's not everything you are, Killian, that's just one part of you", Emma tells him, her eyes drawn to a lock of hair falling over his forehead, so she brushes it off before continuing. "It might be fake, but it's still a hand, and it's going to make your life easier."

"That's the worst thing, Emma. Easier, but not easy", he says miserably and Emma takes a deep breath before asking him the question that's been burning on her tongue since he mentioned his appointment.

"Do you want me to come with you tomorrow?"

"I'll be fine", he says, but Emma is having none of it because she recognizes the importance of it and knows it's not something he go through alone.

"I'm coming with you."

"Emma-"

"You're gonna go to the gynecologist with me on the 18th and I'm going with you tomorrow", she tells him and he finally cracks a smile.

"Oh am I?"

"Yep. I need you there", Emma says and his expression softens, his hand turning so he's holding hers now.

"I shall be there. And if you really want to come tomorrow, I'm not going to try and stop you", he tells her and she gives him an amused smile.

"As if you could stop me", she says and he lifts an eyebrow at her, then starts tickling her until she's laughing so hard she's completely breathless.

_He cares like that_, Emma thinks, looking at him and wishing he'd just kiss her, but knowing he won't because they aren't alone; Neal's baby is between them, preventing him to make a move, and she's too afraid of another rejection to try anything herself.

* * *

Emma sits in the waiting room at the doctor's office, looking at the pictures on the walls and checking the time a hundred times as she waits for Killian to come out with two hands instead of one. She's anxious and nervous and she tells herself to keep it together; she's here to offer him support, not to freak out so he ends up comforting her.

Killian finally joins her and raises the prosthetic hand as if he's waiting for her approval; it's metallic looking, but when she touches it tentatively, it's strangely pliant, each finger joint moving independently. Emma fixes them into an a-ok sign and Killian smiles, the look of relief on his face taking her by surprise.

"And look", he says and shows her the bag he's holding. Emma peeks in and discovers another hand; this one is skin-colored and you'd have to look really carefully to notice that it's not real, that's how lifelike it is.

"What's this one for?"

"Important occasions. At least that's what my doctor says", Killian tells her and opens the door for her.

"And what would be an important occasion?" Emma asks him curiously and he thinks about it for a while as they walk toward the subway.

"I don't know… First dates, weddings, christenings, things like that", he says and Emma nods to herself, but she can't even look at him because she's afraid that if she meets his eyes he's going to read her thoughts.

She wants to be the reason for him to wear the other hand; she wants to be his special occasion more than she wants anything else.

* * *

Shopping for groceries with Killian Jones is like shopping with a 5 year old. He wants everything that's bad for him and makes the most adorable faces every time Emma puts something healthy and natural in the shopping cart.

And then they end up in the chocolate section and he's the one who has to restrain her because her eyes go wide and she practically starts drooling.

"Emma, love, come on. I think five boxes of Ferrero Rocher is more than enough for now", he tells her and gently tugs her away, and finally the ballerina in her rebels and she starts picking up the boxes so she can take them back to the shelf. "What are you doing now?"

Killian looks bewildered, and when he turns around his scent washes over her and makes her bite her lip, warmth surging downward.

"I can't eat that much chocolate", Emma answers him and pushes the shopping cart away toward the vegetables section.

"You're pregnant and you're craving chocolate, so why the hell not?" He asks her and drops a box back into the cart when he catches up to her.

"I'll get fat", Emma tells him as if it's the most obvious thing in the world and understanding slowly dawns in his eyes.

"You can't do that to yourself", he tells her softly and Emma shrugs.

"I'm just trying to eat healthy", Emma says and leans down to take the box out of the cart.

"One box of chocolates won't stop you from going back on stage once the baby is born", Killian tells her and she hesitates, then leaves the box and tries to ignore his winning smile.

It's impossible because for the first time since the night that had changed everything, it reaches his eyes.

* * *

"Let's go to the movies", Killian says abruptly as they unpack their groceries, taking the extra sugar from her and placing it on a shelf it belongs to because she's too short to reach it.

"You mean watch a movie in a cinema?" Emma asks him, her heart slamming in her chest because they have never done that before; it's what couples do and they aren't a couple, and they especially weren't a couple while she was with Neal.

"What else could I have meant with: "let's go to the movies"?" He asks her with raised eyebrows, tilting his head to the side and studying her carefully. "Unless you don't want to be seen in public with me."

"Don't be stupid, I just spent three hours in public with you", Emma says and he grins, making her realize that he's just teasing her.

"Then it's settled."

"Can I pick a movie?" Emma asks, sidling up at him and giving him her cutest pout until he gives her a long-suffering sigh and tells her that she indeed can.

"On a scale for one to ten, how much am I going to regret it?" He asks her and Emma smiles.

"Ten."

* * *

Killian thinks she's going to pick some silly romantic comedy, and the look on his face is priceless when she points at the poster of the latest exorcism movie and says: "That one."

"You hate horror movies", Killian exclaims and Emma shakes her head.

"I don't hate them, I just can't watch them without holding somebody's hand", Emma says and slips her hand in his fake one.

Killian is speechless for a moment but he buys the tickets anyway, talks her into taking both the popcorn and Pepsi; she knows it's going to go directly to her thighs but she guesses she might as well enjoy her pregnancy and eat some of the things she hasn't since before she can remember.

They get to their seats and realize it's actually one love seat, and Killian looks so adorably distraught she can't help but laugh.

"Just imagine it's our couch", she tells him and drops on the left side of it.

"Scoot", he says and Emma frowns.

"Why?"

"If you really plan to hold my hand, I'd rather feel it", he says and Emma smiles to herself because it seems that he's onto her; the movie is just an excuse and he knows it. Maybe.

About three minutes after the movie begins Emma is already practically in Killian's lap, both of her arms wrapped around his arm, their fingers firmly entwined on his knee.

"Do you want us to go?" He asks her when she jumps and shrieks, then hides her face in his shoulder.

"It's not that scary", Emma says and covertly inhales his scent before tilting her head back to look at him. He tears his eyes from the screen and looks at her, shadows playing over his skin and exaggerating his already ridiculously long eyelashes.

"I can see that", he tells her with a raised eyebrow because she's trembling, but it's worth it because she had never been closer to him, and she doesn't care if it's just for tonight.

"Shut up and watch the movie", Emma tells him, and rests her head against his shoulder again.

Her eyes aren't on the screen but on their hands; his thumb is rubbing her skin and she likes how small her hand is compared to his. Neal crosses her mind for the first time in a week and it's only so she can compare him to Killian and how being with him like this feels; Killian comes out on top.

Emma rests her free hand on the inside of his elbow and traces her thumb over his bicep, and she would swear she can hear him smile in the dark.

Even the movie isn't scary anymore.

* * *

Emma almost falls from the couch because Killian is yelling her name, it's the middle of the night, and she'd been dreaming about demon possession. She races to his room and turns on the light before leaning over him and shaking his shoulder until his eyes snap open.

Killian says her name softly, sits against the headboard and tugs her in his lap, his arms wrapping around her tightly. His breathing is heavy and Emma murmurs nonsense in his ear, her hand rubbing up and down his back. She can feel the outline of every muscle through his T-shirt, but for once her hormones don't get the better of her.

"Tell me what your nightmares are about", Emma urges him gently, and he sighs heavily and finally, finally tells her, but he keeps her in his arms so she can't see his face.

"At first it was the same thing every night; I go into that alley, three guys jump me and beat the shit out of me. One of them takes a hatchet from a bag and the other two hold me down as he…" he trails off, and he doesn't have to say the rest.

"Is that how it happened?" She asks him, tears already running down her cheeks and dripping on his shoulder.

"The nightmare got worse", he tells her so softly she can barely hear him, and she presses a gentle kiss against his neck because he still won't let her pull away and look at him.

"Was I in it?" She asks, dread filling her gut because she can guess what's it about now.

"Everything is the same in it except the last part. They hold me down and the third guy takes out the hatchet and he-", his voice breaks and his shoulders shake with silent sobs, his fingers clutching the material of her shirt like a lifeline.

"He hurts me?" Emma finishes for him, a shiver running down her spine because he sounds so devastated, as if seeing her getting hurt in his dreams pains him more than losing his hand did.

"Instead of my hand, he cuts off your foot", he says and Emma closes her eyes, but she can't help wondering what made his dream change.

"It's just a bad dream. I'm okay. We're okay", she tells him and absentmindedly combs her fingers through his hair, wishing his hold on her would loosen so she can look him in the eye and tell him that nothing's going to happen to her.

"I wish I didn't have to go to sleep at all", he says miserably and this time when Emma tries to pull away, he lets her.

Emma watches him wipe his face on his shoulder, his right arm still around her, and then they both kind of freeze because his stump is resting on her bare knee; the only trouble is, they aren't frozen for the same reason.

Before Killian can pull it away Emma covers it with her hand and tells him that she doesn't mind; it's still a lie because not only she doesn't mind, she actually likes it, but she can't tell him that without scaring him away with her pregnancy hormones.

"How can you not mind?" He asks her softly, his eyelashes still wet from tears, such hope in his eyes that for a moment she's speechless and all she can think about is kissing him and taking all his pain away.

"Because it's you, Killian, just you", she tells him, her thumb tracing the scar from the operation. He averts his eyes and takes a shuddering breath.

"We should stop meeting like this", he says and wiggles his eyebrows at her; Emma laughs, bracing her hand against his shoulder and giving him a big, loud peck on the cheek. "What was that for?"

"For letting me in", Emma tells him and scrambles off his lap because if she stays there just a minute longer she's going to do something that will ruin their friendship completely.

"You don't want to stay here in case I have another nightmare?" He asks her, and even though he's just kidding and trying to lighten the mood, Emma is so tempted to go back to him and snuggle against his side.

"If you do, I'll come back", she says and turns off the light, his whispered "good night" in the dark sending goosebumps racing over her skin.

"Good night, Killian", she says and returns to the couch, her knee still on fire where he had touched her.

* * *

**Review?**


	8. Meet Your Baby

**There's a lot of fluff in this chapter, but it doesn't mean the angst is over yet; thank you for all your reviews/follows and the like, and thanks for being patient with me; new chapter is coming tomorrow. Enjoy!**

* * *

Emma's alarm clock wakes her at the usual time, but for some reason she feels terribly tired so she keeps napping for a while longer. By the time she finally sits up it's almost 9 a.m. and she walks into the bathroom rubbing sleep from her eyes and waiting to see if her stomach is going to rebel or not.

It's only then that the sound of the shower registers and her brain registers what she's seeing; Killian standing under the spray of water, drops rolling over his very naked body. He turns off the faucet and turns around, wet hair falling into his eyes, and Emma is still standing there gaping at him; he's not the first naked man she'd ever seen, but he's certainly the most impressive.

"Emma!" He exclaims when he sees her, reaching for a towel and wrapping it around his hips, and she hopes her disappointment doesn't show on her face. "What the bloody Hell?"

"I thought you were at work", she says quickly, unable to keep her eyes from wandering over his chest and shoulders, heat racing through her veins; she keeps blaming her hormones because it's easier than to admit that she's just that into him.

"I took the day off because you wanted me to go with you", he says, walks past her into his bedroom and sits down on the bed, a smile pulling at his lips.

"Go with me where?" Emma asks, leaning against the door frame and crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"To the gynecologist, Emma", he says patiently and she frowns.

"That's not today", she says confidently, giving him a you're silly smile.

"Check the calendar", he says and points at the digital clock on his dresser, and it does say August 18th.

"Shit", Emma exclaims and runs into the bathroom, slamming the door shut in her haste.

"Relax, lass", Killian calls after her. "We've got time."

Emma takes off her clothes and steps into the shower, smiling because she really likes the way he says _we_.

* * *

There are four couples in the waiting room of the gynecologist office and Emma feels stupid for dragging Killian here, wondering what Neal is doing; he's the one who was supposed to be here with her and offer her support like the men sitting around her are doing for their wives or girlfriends.

"You okay there, lass?" Killian asks her and Emma just nods, staring at her lap, blinking fast because she's not going to cry; she had cried too many tears over Neal already.

And then Killian's hand enters her line of vision; he's holding it out palm up, and Emma doesn't hesitate at all, covers it with hers and entwines their fingers.

What he's doing is what any good friend would do, but to her it doesn't feel like friendship; it feels like love.

The nurse calls her name and she jumps to her feet, still gripping Killian's hand and dragging him after her.

"Emma, I don't think-", he starts to say just as the gynecologist opens the door and greets Emma.

"And you must be the father", he says and turns to Killian; it's only then that Emma lets him go so he can shake hands with the doctor.

"Killian Jones", he says and glances at Emma with a raised eyebrow, but he doesn't correct the doctor and neither does she.

During the examination Killian keeps his eyes on hers and gives her his hand to hold, and Emma's anxiousness slowly lessens. The doctor tells her she's seven weeks pregnant, squeezes gel on her stomach and points out the tiny blob that is her baby on the monitor.

"It's not moving", Killian says, a note of panic coloring his voice and making both her and the doctor smile.

"Don't worry daddy, that's normal for such a small fetus. Here, listen to this", the doctor says, and when the sound of her baby's heartbeat fills the room and she sees the look of wonder on Killian's face, she catches herself wishing that Killian really was the daddy.

He looks down at her and smiles, his thumb rubbing the back of her hand, and she wonders if maybe he's wishing the same thing.

* * *

"Why didn't you tell him that you're not the father?" Emma asks Killian, licking her ice-cream and looking at the children running around the playground across the bench on which they are sitting on.

"Why didn't you?" Killian asks her, squinting because the sun is shining in his eyes.

"I asked you first", Emma says and he chuckles, shaking his head at her and stretching his legs out before answering.

"I just thought it would be wise in case Neal somehow hears you're pregnant", he says and Emma covers her stomach protectively.

"What do you mean?"

"Wouldn't you rather have him think that you moved on fast than having to take him back just because he's the father of your baby?" Killian asks her, tilting his head to the side, his eyes like two impossibly blue oceans glittering in the sunlight.

"I'll never take him back", Emma tells him but keeps the rest of that sentence to herself; _who would take Neal back when there's you_.

Even the possibility of a future with Killian is better than trying to start again with Neal.

"Then why are you still wearing that keychain around your neck?" Killian asks her impossibly softly, his eyes avoiding hers and focusing on the playground across from them instead.

"To remind myself that hearing somebody say "I love you" doesn't necessary mean they know what love is", Emma tells him, her fingers touching the keychain gently. It's the first time she's not being completely honest with Killian, but she can't tell him that sometimes she imagines Neal coming back and explaining everything in a way that would make her want to forgive him.

A part of her still longs for his arms around her, a part of her still wishes he could help her raise their baby, but then she looks at Killian, sees the smile on his lips as he watches the children play and realizes that no matter how much it hurts, her baby is better off with Killian as a father than Neal.

Family doesn't always mean blood relations; sometimes it's just a question of who can love you better.

* * *

Emma wakes up in the middle of the night and all she can think about is how much she wants pickles. She throws off the covers and pads to the kitchen, and although she does find a fresh jar of pickles in the cupboard, she can't get to them because she can't open the lid no matter how much she struggles.

"Some ballerina you are", Emma mutters to herself, trying a few more times, but it stays stubbornly closed.

Emma takes her pickles and goes to Killian's room, turning on the lamp on his bedside table and shaking him gently, feeling horribly guilty for waking him, but her craving is just too strong for her to resist it.

"Huh? What?" Killian wakes up with a start, looking at her with sleepy eyes that clear quickly because he's instantly worried about her.

"I can't open it", Emma says, cradling the jar to her stomach and smiling sheepishly. "I'm sorry for waking you, but I really want pickles."

"Give it here", Killian says and sits on the edge of his bed, takes the jar from Emma and puts it between his knees. He grips the lid, Emma's eyes drawn to his bicep when he turns it and opens the jar for her, then drops the lid on the nightstand. Emma takes a pickle out and bites into it with gusto, sitting on the bed next to him and taking the jar in her lap.

"Thank you", she beams at him and realizes that now she's got pickles, she really wants cookies. "Killian?"

"Yes, lass?" He says cautiously, and she gives him her best puppy dog eyes.

"Could you go find me cookies?" She asks and eats another pickle, and Killian just smiles, gets up and goes to the kitchen.

He's back five minutes later, looking like somebody who've made peace with his fate.

"We're out of cookies", he says and puts on a hoodie and sneakers, lifting his eyebrow at Emma's questioning look. "What? You were going to ask me to go buy you some."

It's not a question, so Emma doesn't even bother answering.

"But you have to go to work in four hours", she argues half-heartedly and he just smiles.

"Shut up, Swan."

Emma eats her pickles and watches him go, the front door closing softly behind him, and she thinks to herself, _this one is a keeper_.

* * *

Morning light fills the room and Emma buries her face into a pillow that smells like Killian, her eyes snapping open when she realizes she's in his bed and not on the couch in the living room. The first thing she sees when she turns her head is a bag of cookies sitting on the nightstand with a note sticking from under it.

Emma can't believe that she had fallen asleep after Killian went out to get her cookies, and her hand is trembling when she reaches for his note; she's a little afraid to see what he'd written on it.

_I didn't want to wake you, so I slept on the couch. Enjoy the cookies!_

Emma covers her face with her hands and laughs, a cloud of butterflies taking flight in her stomach, Killian's scent surrounding her, his message like a promise of something she hadn't even dared hope for after Neal; love.

"He's just being a good friend", she tells herself even though she doesn't believe it for a second, rolls on her stomach and takes a cookie out of the bag, tracing the letters on his message with her finger; she eats one cookie, then another, unable to stop smiling because what Killian did tonight goes beyond friendship. Inevitably, she tries to imagine Neal in the same situation; he'd pretend to be asleep, and if she kept shaking him he'd try to guilt trip her into giving up and going back to bed because he has to work and she's just chilling in the apartment all day when she's not out window shopping. It hurts so much that she can see it all playing out clearly, and while she was with him she was completely oblivious to his faults, excusing everything because she was in love.

When she looks back now, she sees glaring red flags everywhere and thinks that Neal couldn't have really loved her, because if he had, he wouldn't have left her, he wouldn't put himself first; he'd talk to her about Canada and try to find a solution that would make them both happy.

If he had really loved her, he wouldn't be gone.

* * *

Emma gets home after another piano lesson with Victor, tired but happy because she's making progress and it won't be long until she's going to be ready to play for Killian. Finding courage to actually do it is going to be another story, but she still feels accomplished.

As soon as she closes the front door and drops her keys in a bowl next to it, she frowns because she can smell fresh paint. It's a little later than her usual so Killian is already home, but she can't remember him mentioning painting… Or maybe he did but she forgot; it wouldn't be the first time it had happened since she found out she was pregnant.

Killian finds her forgetfulness adorable, but she finds it annoying, even though her pregnancy books say it's completely normal.

"Killian? Where are you?" Emma calls out as she drops her bag on the couch, finding both kitchen and living room empty and undisturbed.

"In here", he calls from his music room, which she hadn't been inside since before she had moved in with him because lately it's always been locked and he was rarely in there himself.

"Why are you painting your music-", she says, trailing off when she walks in, because Killian is standing in the middle of an empty room clutching a teddy bear against his chest; two walls are painted pale blue, the third one is half done, Killian's got paint all over his jeans, on his shirt and a few drops on his cheek too, and Emma does not understand what's going on at all.

"Before you say anything, let me talk first, okay?" Killian asks her, and she nods, stepping closer to him and trying to wipe the paint off his cheek, but it's already dried. "I know you're going to move out soon after the baby is born, because you're going to find another company in some other city, but this room had lost its appeal since… well, you know."

They both glance at his fake hand and Emma is still trying to figure out what's he trying to say.

"So no matter how long you and the baby stay, I wanted this room to have a happy purpose, and what's happier than it being a nursery?" He asks with a crooked smile and offers her the teddy bear. Emma takes it, noticing that it's got a blue bow around its neck that matches the walls of the room.

"What happened to your records?" Emma asks, her hand grasping his elbow when he shrugs and starts to turn away.

"I sold them to the radio station", he finally says and then Emma hugs him, not caring at all if she gets paint on her clothes, his arm going around her, the teddy bear squished between them.

"Nobody ever did anything like this for me", she tells him, still unable to believe that he cleared out an entire room and painted it just for her baby even though she might not be here for longer than six months after she gives birth. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, lass, but it's for the little one, not for you. You get my room", he tells her and Emma laughs, tilting her head back so she can look up at him.

"Even if you give me your room I'm still gonna wake you in the middle of the night if I need you to open something for me… Or buy it if we're out", she tells him and he grins, then presses a quick kiss on her forehead that surprises them both.

"So you like the color? I was halfway done with that wall when I realized you might want green or yellow", he says to cover up the awkwardness after the kiss, and Emma plays along.

"I love the blue. It reminds me of your eyes", she blurts out and he gives her a crooked smile, clearly enjoying her embarrassment.

"Oh does it?" He asks, his eyes twinkling with amusement, her heart fluttering in her chest because she loves every second of it.

"Shut up. Why did you pick blue?" She asks him, stepping back and letting him resume with the painting.

"I think it's going to be a boy", he says, and there's such longing in his voice that Emma is glad she can't see his face, because she's pretty sure it would make her weepy.

"Have you ever thought about having kids?" Emma asks him softly, expecting to get some kind of noncommittal answer, and what he tells her floors her completely.

"Not until recently", he says and Emma can't believe he's actually real, can't believe that he's standing there casually, paining the wall of her baby's nursery and telling her things that are making her fall in love with him without even realizing what he's doing.

And in that moment, she just wants to tell him that he can be a father to her baby if he wants, but there's too much holding her back; she's so glad she has his friendship, and she can't bring herself to risk it for a possibility of something more, because there's always a chance she'd lose him in the end.

He's everything she can't afford to lose, so she doesn't say anything, picks up a brush and goes to paint around the doorway since her clothes are already ruined anyway.

Killian winks at her and Emma smiles, holding the teddy bear he'd given her and feeling like she could face anything because whatever happens, she's got Killian in her corner.

* * *

**Review?**


	9. Growing Pains

**I'm finally updating every day and I hope you're gonna keep liking this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thank you for all your support; I appreciate each and every one of you. Have a bit of angst with the cute...**

* * *

It's Saturday morning and Emma has been dancing since dawn, beads of sweat sliding down her back and making her shirt stick to her skin.

"Emma… Shouldn't you stop? You've been at it for three hours now", Killian says, cautiously entering the living room as Emma starts the same variation again because she just can't get it right. She feels heavy, and she keeps seeing the bathroom scale and the number that she had never seen on it before last night.

"I'll stop when it's perfect", she tells him and he stands awkwardly on the edge of her imagined dance floor, looking lost and maybe a little frightened too.

"Lass, come on, just rest for a minute and talk to me", Killian says, and his tone is almost pleading, which makes her mess up her steps again and pisses her to no end.

"I don't need to rest!" She yells at him, her whole body shaking with barely suppressed rage because he does not get it at all. "I need to keep my head in the game, otherwise I'm never going to be on the stage again!"

Killian grits his teeth and for a moment it looks like he's just going to stalk away, but then his expression softens and he comes to stand in front of her, smoothing his hand down her arm gently.

"What brought this on?" He asks her softly, and she shakes her head because she knows she's being ridiculous, and she can't bear the thought of him looking at her like she's crazy. "Come on, Swan, just tell me."

"I'm fat", she says, then turns away from him and looks down at her stomach; it's not flat anymore.

"You're pregnant", he tells her, and it's killing her that he's being this patient; she'd much rather have him explode so that they can fight and she can get it out of her system.

"I know that", she exclaims and turns back toward him. "This is just the beginning, and soon I won't even be able to do the measly thirty fouettes I can do now, and I need to be able to do at least thirty-two if I ever plan on dancing Odile or Kitri again, and-"

"Emma, calm down", Killian says and there's actually a half-smile tugging at his lips, which makes her want to physically hurt him to wipe it off.

"I'm so glad you find this amusing", she says sarcastically, venom dripping from every word. "I'd think you of all people would understand how it feels to have a dream slipping through your fingers."

The change in Killian is instant and heartbreaking, his eyes darkening with pain, his hand balling into a fist at his side, and she realizes too late that she would've hurt him less if she had just slapped him.

"My dream isn't slipping through my fingers, Swan. My dream is gone, just like my hand", he says and her stomach drops, her entire body trembling, only it's not from exertion. "Do whatever you want. I don't even know what I was thinking, trying to keep your best interest in mind, when you're clearly too pig-headed to listen to reason."

"Killian, I-", she tries to apologize but he just turns around and walks off, enters the nursery and slams the door shut.

She feels even worse knowing that he went there out of habit, forgetting that it's not his music room anymore because he had cleared it out for a baby that isn't even his.

* * *

Emma showers, eats a banana and then goes to face Killian. She knocks on the door and opens it without waiting for an answer, figuring that he'd have told her to get lost if he hadn't wanted her to come in.

Killian is sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, bending the fingers on his fake hand with his real ones and straightening them again; he doesn't stop what he's doing or look up at her, and it tells her a lot about the state he's in.

"I'm sorry", she says, sitting down next to him and stretching her sore legs in front of her; she crosses them at the ankles and has to make a conscious effort not to point her toes.

"You were right", he says, but Emma doesn't feel right, she feels awful and even though she knows it's the hormones, it doesn't justify her behavior.

He'd been so good to her, and she had repaid him by hurting him with her careless words; she wishes she could go back and undo them.

They sit in silence until her feet start cramping and she gets up quickly, walking around the room and trying to make it stop; she overdid it and now she's paying the price.

"What are you doing?" He asks her, and she waves him off because she doesn't deserve his compassion.

"Just cramps. It'll pass", she says and leaves the room because she knows she just needs to walk it off.

"Emma, wait", Killian calls after her but Emma doesn't stop, walking into the kitchen and drinking a glass of water before going to the living room and collapsing on the couch because now it hurts too much to even walk.

Killian keels in front of her, gathers her legs and outs them on his thigh; he starts massaging her foot, his thumb pressing against the sole firmly, a sigh of relief escaping her even as she tells him that he doesn't have to do this.

"I know you're scared, Emma", he says, ignoring her protests and continuing what he's doing, her eyes glued to his profile, her hands fisting the cover on the couch because the pain is subsiding and pleasure is rapidly taking its place. "You've been a part of Gold's company since you graduated, but I believe in you, and I believe that as soon as you put yourself out there you're going to find another place."

Emma is spellbound, both by his actions and the way he talks, his absolute belief in her taking her by surprise because she had never experienced something like that before; she'd always been on her own, and even when she was with Neal, he had never said anything like this.

The only person who believed in her was herself, and now here's Killian, believing when she doesn't know how anymore.

"You need to take it easy, stay healthy and accept that even if your body is going to change because of the baby, different isn't always bad", he says, his hand working her other foot, and even though the pain is long gone, she doesn't tell him to stop.

"I was thinking about sending out DVDs of my performances so they keep me in mind for next season, but I couldn't decide which ones, so I didn't send any", Emma says, staring at his hand on her foot because she finds it too hard to meet his eyes.

"Do you want me to help you decide?" He asks and the smile she hears in his voice makes her smile too. "I might not know everything about the ballet world, but I can appreciate beauty."

Emma's eyes finally meet his, sparks flying between them, his fingers caressing her arch before he realizes what he's doing; once he does, he sets her feet back on the floor and sits on the couch next to her. Her skin is burning and there's a strange buzzing in her ears when she goes to pop the first DVD in, the urge to kiss Killian Jones getting worse by the second.

Still, she doesn't do or say anything that could jeopardize their friendship because Killian is all she's got, and she would rather have him as a friend than risk finding out it's all in her head and losing him all together.

Emma and Killian sit on the couch watching her dance and she keeps pointing out her mistakes, but he keeps telling her that she's being too critical; the fact that he can't see anything wrong no matter how many times she plays it again makes her think that maybe, just maybe, it's not all in her head.

Killian slouches a little in his seat and his knee presses against her thigh; neither of them moves again and Emma smiles, realizing that even though she wants so much more, for now, their casual contacts are enough for her.

* * *

A couple of weeks later Emma parks Killian's car across the building he's working in, twirling a lock of hair around her finger and fiddling with the radio while she's waiting for him to come out. She feels nervous about this because she knows he's not too keen on trying to figure out driving with a prosthetic hand, but it's been almost three months since he sat behind the wheel and the longer he postpones it the harder it's going to get.

And she thinks she knows just what to tell him to make him at least try.

Killian comes out and his eyes scan the street, locking on hers as if nothing and nobody else exists even though he'd had no idea she'd come to pick him up; Emma doesn't like driving in the city because she's got a short fuse and idiots who don't know what they are doing piss her off, and it's even worse now that she's pregnant.

The things she'd do for Killian are only overshadowed by the things he'd do for her.

"What are you doing here, lass?" Killian asks, leaning down to talk to her through her window, squinting in the sunlight.

"Get in and I'll tell you", Emma says and winks at him over the edge of her sunglasses. He hesitates for a moment but then jogs around the car, and Emma admires the way his jeans hug his hips, shaking herself quickly when he opens the passenger door and gets inside.

"Where are we going?" he asks when she keeps going straight instead of turning right toward his apartment, his fingers tapping a nervous rhythm on his knee.

"Well, I was thinking", Emma starts and glances at him to find him looking at her with a cautious expression. "Relax, it's nothing bad."

"Then why are you dancing around it?" He asks her and raises a challenging eyebrow, making the corner of her mouth lift in a half-smile.

"It's time for you to tackle driving", Emma says, stopping at a red light and waiting for him to tell her to drop it the way he does with all the subjects that have anything to do with his hand.

"Is that so?" He asks her, that infuriating eyebrow rising higher, and he chuckles at her confused expression.

"You're not going to argue?" She asks and scrambles to start forward when the light changes.

"I could, but we both know it wouldn't do me much good", he tells her and Emma shakes her head and hits his shoulder playfully, flooring the accelerator when they finally leave the heavy downtown traffic behind.

"I just really hate driving and I want my favorite chauffer back", Emma says and sticks out her tongue at him, butterflies dancing in her stomach when he presses his hand to his heart and feigns being hurt.

"Is that all I am to you? A cabbie?"

"You're also pretty useful for carrying groceries and reaching stuff from high shelves", Emma tells him and smiles, keeping to herself all the ways he's irreplaceable because she doesn't know how he'd take it.

"Basically, I'm irreplaceable", he says and Emma almost misses the exit she had planned to take. "Easy there, Swan. How long has it been since you've been driving?"

"Not that long", she croaks out and drives for another ten miles until they finally reach a mostly deserted road.

"Okay, let's do this", Killian says when she parks on the shoulder, but neither one of them makes a move to get out of the car so they can exchange places.

"We're going to figure it out together", Emma tells him, laying her hand on the inside of his elbow because she wants him to feel it, not just see it.

Killian sets his jaw, covers her hand with his briefly and then comes out of the car; Emma unbuckles her seat belt and he's already opening her door, offering her his hand. She takes it and his fingers fit so well around hers when he pulls her out, holding her hand just a little bit longer than necessary.

It's disconcerting being this close to him because her raging hormones are making it hard to focus on what he's about to do and being there for him; he smells so good and he looks even better, his hand is warm and Emma feels like her blood is boiling.

"Lass? You okay? You look like you're going to faint", Killian says and wraps his arm around her waist, looking at her with concern; she tries telling herself that she's just imagining that little trace of amusement in his blue gaze, but it's not really working.

"I just stood up too fast", she tells him and gives him a reassuring smile, feeling the absence of his arm around her waist with every fiber of her being when she walks around the car.

Killian starts the car and goes out on the road, a tentative smile spreading across his face when he realizes everything is going much smoother than he had expected. Emma sits back in her seat and relaxes, watching him and trying not to ogle, but for some reason every single move he makes is turning her on; he shifts the gears and steps on the accelerator, and she can practically feel her pupils dilating.

"I'm so hot", she mumbles and quickly rolls down her window, sighing with relief when the wind cools down her flushed cheeks.

Thankfully, Killian is completely focused on his driving so he doesn't notice her fidgeting around, and by the time they get back to the city Emma thinks she can handle her hormones.

Until he parks the car in front of their building and shifts those ocean eyes back on her, smiling the way he hasn't been smiling much these days.

"Thanks for this, Emma", he tells her and takes the keys out, rolling the keychain in his hand.

"You're gonna repay me when I go into labor and you drive me to the hospital", she says, and a look of panic flitters across his face before he remembers that it's still a long way off. "Scared you there for a second, didn't I?"

"What? No! I'm not scared", Killian exclaims and Emma giggles nervously, fighting the urge to lean across the seat and cling to him because he's not the only one freaking out over her childbirth.

"You better not be, because I'm kinda terrified", Emma tells him sheepishly, looking down and smoothing her hand over her baby bump, telling herself that it's going to be fine, that she's going to have this baby and raise him or her right even without Neal in their lives.

Killian's hand covers hers and she turns her head to look at him, her heart stuttering a little in her chest because of what he says next.

"I've got you, lass."

* * *

**Review?**


	10. I'm With You

**Thank you for all the feedback; I'm glad you're enjoying the fluff, so have another chapter full of it, with a little bit of angst thrown in.**

* * *

Killian can't get another day free from work so Emma has to go to her gynecologist alone, and she feels a little lost as she lies there and watches her baby float around in her belly.

"Do you want to know the baby's sex?" The doctor asks her and Emma tears her wet eyes from the monitor, barely able to nod because she's too choked up with emotion. "It's a boy."

For a second Emma feels a tiny bit disappointed because she had always imagined having a little girl, but then she realizes that biggest concern right now is if the baby looks healthy.

"He's fine", the doctor reassures her and asks her if she wants the DVD of the ultrasound so she can show it to her son's daddy.

"Of course", Emma says, and it's not until she's walking out of his office that she realizes that she doesn't want to show the DVD to Neal at all; the only person she wants to share this miracle with is Killian.

* * *

By the time Killian gets home from work Emma had already watched the DVD a dozen times, transfixed with every move her son made, and she's still not done.

"How was the appointment? Everything okay with the baby?" Killian asks as he walks into the living room, his steps faltering when he sees Emma sitting on the floor in front of the TV; she turns and looks at him over her shoulder, smiling when he drops his jacket on the edge of the sofa and doesn't even notice it slipping off because he's too focused on the TV.

"I'm having a baby boy", Emma tells him when he sits down next to her, his mouth half-opened, his eyes moving quickly as he tries to take in every detail at once.

"A boy", he repeats, smiling one of those rare, beautiful smiles that make her want to crawl in his lap and never let him go. "I can teach him how to play football."

"You can teach him a lot of things", Emma says, watching him watch her son.

"Is that a leg?" He asks, squinting and scooting closer to the screen, then tilting his head to the side trying to make heads and tails of the shadowy figure.

"I think it is", Emma says and blinks away tears, wrapping her hand around his arm to get his attention. "Are you really going to be there for him?"

Her voice is breaking because she needs him to tell her that he will, that her son won't grow up without a male figure in his life that would at least give him some sense of what's it like to have a father.

"I'm here for both of you, lass, for as long as you need me", he says instantly, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her against his side.

"What if it's forever?" Emma asks softly, tilting her head to look up at him, his gentle smile taking her breath away.

"Then I'll be there forever", he says and Emma's eyes flicker to his lips, his scent enveloping her and making it hard to think straight. If he just leaned down a tiny bit his mouth would be against hers and then maybe this crazy burning inside her would subside, or, more likely, flare into a fire that would consume them both. "But someday you're going to find somebody who's going to love both you and the baby, and then you won't need me anymore."

It takes a while for her to really register what he had just said and she blinks a few times; it's like waking from a beautiful dream, and she wishes he had just kept quiet instead of saying that to her.

"Why would I look for somebody else if you're going to be there?" She deadpans, pulling away from him and waiting to hear what he's going to say.

"I'm not exactly boyfriend material", Killian says with a crooked smile, and she just looks at him, unable to believe he'd say such a stupid thing, and even worse, believe it. "But I meant what I said, lass. Whatever you need, I'm here."

"Why are you so good to me?" Emma asks him, letting the boyfriend comment go because she's starting to think that his reluctance to make a move on her has more to do with his hand than her pregnancy, and nothing she can say can make him get over it; only time and her affection can do that.

"Because I care for you, Emma. And because that first week in hospital… you saved my life", he says, pain flickering in his eyes when he remembers what he'd been through.

"You were the reason I didn't fall apart completely. If I didn't have you…", Emma trails off, and he brushes his knuckles gently against her cheek before they go back to watching the baby, that simple touch making her realize that it's over.

She's in love with him, and she doesn't want anybody else to love her baby and her but him.

* * *

A couple of days later Emma comes home from her piano lesson, finding Killian in the living room, sitting on the couch with a box of photographs on his lap.

"Can I see?" She asks him and he scoots so she can sit next to him, handing her a picture he'd been looking at. Emma takes it and smiles because it's impossible to mistake his blue eyes even though he can't be older than ten on it. "Is this your father?"

"No, it's my grandfather", Killian says, sifting through the box and finding another picture that shows the same man only younger, holding a pretty little girl with pigtails in his arms. "And this is my mother."

Killian brushes his thumb over the picture gently and Emma gets choked up because she doesn't even have pictures of her family, much less memories of them.

"You look a lot like her", Emma tells him, the blue in their eyes exactly the same.

"I know. It's why my father couldn't really stand me after she died", Killian says, and Emma lays her hand on his shoulder because she can't find the words to tell him how sorry she is; she had never met her parents, so their absence was something she was used to, but Killian had lost a mother and a father at the same time. "Thank God for grandpa."

"What was his name?"

"Logan", Killian says, his voice soft, like he's reliving some distant memory and isn't really aware of her.

He takes another picture out of the box and his hand trembles just a little because on it his grandfather is playing the piano with tiny Killian sitting on his lap, the two of them frozen in time with identical grins on their faces.

"Is he the one who got you playing?"

"I kind of fell into it after my mother died; grandpa didn't really know what to do with my sadness, so he just started teaching me scales", Killian tells her, still staring at the same picture, his perfect profile mesmerizing her; she's resting her chin on his shoulder and she likes being this close to him more than she probably should.

Emma wants to tell him that his grandfather would be really proud of him if he could see him now, but she knows Killian would say something self-deprecating, so she doesn't say anything, just sits with him and lets him show her pictures of happier times.

* * *

Emma is rummaging through the refrigerator looking for a snack when she feels a kick in her side, and she stands there frozen, waiting to see if she had only imagined it, or if her baby actually moved for the first time.

Another kick comes and Emma slams the refrigerator door, walking through the apartment and calling Killian's name; he's napping in his bedroom since she had sent him on another run last night because she had craved canned pineapples and he couldn't tell her no.

Killian is so tired that not even her yelling can ruse him; she barges into his room and he just groans, rolls from his side to his back and keeps sleeping.

"The baby is moving", Emma says, climbing on the bed next to him and poking his shoulder; his sooty eyelashes finally flutter, a frown forming on his forehead.

"The baby… What?" He sits up abruptly, eyes wide open and filled with panic. "The baby is coming?"

"No, no, he's just kicking", Emma exclaims, taking his hand and pressing it against her stomach just as her son kicks her again. "Did you feel that?"

Killian looks lost for words, staring at her and keeping his hand on her stomach, and he's so still she gets a little worried, but then there's another kick and his entire face lights up with a smile, his eyes locking on Emma's; he's looking at her as if she's something wondrous, and warmth floods her cheeks because nobody had ever looked at her like that.

"I felt it", he tells her, his hand caressing her baby bump carefully, and he looks disappointed when the baby goes to sleep.

"I'm sorry I wake you", Emma says sheepishly when he lays back down; his eyes are still hooded with sleep, but he shakes his head and keeps his hand on her stomach when she settles next to him.

"I'm not. That was a tiny foot hitting you", he says, his voice wistful as if he still can't believe that it had actually happened. "Does it hurt?"

"No, it's amazing", Emma says and feels breathtaking affection for him because it's clear he wants to stay awake but he's fighting a losing battle.

"I'm glad I was here to feel it", he murmurs and drifts off, a smile still lingering on his lips.

Emma covers his hand with hers and lies next to him, watching his face and wishing she could stay in this moment forever, because it's so easy to pretend that both she and the baby belong to him, that this bed is theirs and that there's nothing between them but love.

Killian sighs in his sleep and presses his nose against her shoulder, and Emma feels an overwhelming rush of hope, her dream of finally having a family of her own growing so includes him too.

* * *

Emma opens her eyes and finds Killian looking down at her with the strangest expression; he's leaning on his elbow and apparently he'd been watching her sleep for a while, but as soon as he realizes she's awake he gives her a quick smile and tries to hide adoration in his eyes.

"Good nap, sleepyhead?" He asks her and Emma rubs her eyes, nodding slowly, still a little drowsy from sleep, her eyes widening when she tries running her fingers through her hair and finds it horribly tangled. "Oh God."

"You're lovely", Killian says, his eyes never leaving hers as he slowly starts untangling it. Emma closes her eyes because she doesn't know how to tell him to stop if he doesn't mean to do anything else, and she can't hope to hide the hungry look in her eyes from his penetrating blue gaze because nobody had ever touched her like him, like she's so precious to him that he can't help but handle her with the utmost care. "Emma?"

"Hmm?" She murmurs, stretching her legs and yawning as he continues his ministrations.

"Have you ever tried to find the rest of your family?" He asks her softly and Emma opens her eyes, biting her lip because she had lied, to him and to everybody else, and she realizes that she can't keep lying anymore.

Not to him.

"I know your parents are dead, but maybe there are grandparents or an aunt, or somebody who would want to meet you and get to know you", Killian says tentatively, as if he expects her to tell him she doesn't want to talk about it.

"They aren't dead. Well… I don't know, I suppose they could be dead by now", Emma tells him and he frowns, his hand stilling in her hair.

"You said they were dead."

"I didn't want people to know that I was abandoned on the side of the road", Emma tells him, surprising herself when a tear rolls from her eye and down her cheek because she's still not over that; she guesses she's never going to be over the fact that not only her parents didn't want her, but that they didn't even have the decency to at least put her up for adoption.

"Oh, lass", Killian whispers and brushes the tear away, and Emma feels that hole inside her left by the absence of her parents shrink a little.

"I never said those words out loud", Emma says wistfully, tilting her head into his palm as a few more tears escape her.

"What about…" He trails off and she shakes her head.

"Not even to Neal."

Killian looks both surprised and pleased and he leans down to kiss her forehead, his lips feeling like the softest petals of the prettiest flower against her skin.

"Thank you for sharing it with me", he says and Emma realizes that it was inevitable, and that soon he's going to know all her secrets and she's going to find out if this thing between them will grow into something real or make them drift apart.

She thinks that the latter would feel like ground crumbling beneath her feet and she's not sure she would be able to handle it.

* * *

Later that afternoon Emma is sitting on the couch reading a book about pregnancy when Killian takes her suitcase from the corner of the living room and carries it in the direction of his room.

"Hey! What are you doing?!" Emma calls after him, scrambling off the couch and going after him.

"We had a deal, remember?" He asks her and deposits the suitcase on his bed; he unzips it quickly and opens the door of his closet.

Half of it is empty, just waiting for her to arrange her clothes next to his.

"I have no idea what are you talking about", Emma plays dumb, trying to fight a smile that wants to stretch her lips because he had actually cleared out his closet for her beforehand.

"We were supposed to exchange places when you started showing, and now that the baby is kicking, you have absolutely no argument against it", Killian tells her with a self-satisfied smirk and Emma opens her mouth to argue, then closes it again because he's right.

And besides, she likes the idea of sleeping in his bed.

"It's a big bed", she says, shooting him a playful smile because she knows him, and knows that even though he's got nothing against her falling asleep next to him, he won't just agree to them going to bed together every night.

"You really want to jump my bones, huh, lass?" Killian says and laughter bubbles out of her because he has no idea how much.

Killian leaves her to unpack and Emma starts arranging her clothes in his closet, stopping only when she reaches the bottom of her suitcase and finds his leather jacket. She takes it in her hands and caresses the worn leather, smiling at the memory of how she got it; it was raining and Killian had insisted she put it on because she was shivering in her blouse, and since he never asked her to give it back to him, she didn't.

Emma hangs the jacket on her side of the closet and closes the door gently before going to see what's for dinner.

* * *

**Review?**


	11. Special Occasion

**I think you're gonna like this chapter, that's all I'm gonna say; thank you for all your support, it really means a lot to me!**

* * *

Killian comes home and slams the door, leaning against the wall in the hallway and staring at a piece of paper in his hand.

"What happened?" Emma asks, coming to stand beside him and cupping his face in her hand to make him look at her. He hands her the paper without saying anything and she realizes that it's an invitation to a charity fundraiser held by his former music school. "You don't want to go."

Killian knows it's not a question but he still raises his eyebrows at her, then shrugs out of his jacket and stalks away angrily, leaving her standing there and debating whether to follow him right away or give him a moment alone.

After taking the invitation to the kitchen and filling two bowls with ice-cream, Emma goes to the room that used to be about music and finds Killian sitting in the rocking chair, balancing a teddy bear on his knee, his prosthetic hand carelessly discarded on the floor next to him. Emma smiles faintly because there used to be a time when he almost went to bed with it, but now he's okay with her seeing his stump and doesn't suffer how uncomfortable the fake hand is when he wears it for too long just to spare her from seeing him without it.

"I brought you ice-cream", Emma says and leans on the drawer next to him, offering him the bowl. He takes it and puts it on his thigh, giving her a sad smile and mixing vanilla and chocolate together with his spoon.

"Contrary to your belief, ice-cream can't fix everything", he tells her and brings the spoon to his mouth, and Emma makes herself focus on his eyes instead of on his lips.

"You don't have to go to the gala", Emma tells him and he chuckles darkly, looking at the teddy bear instead of her when he speaks.

"I have to go to the gala because they gave me a scholarship when I was completely broke and if they want me there I should get over myself and be there", he says, his eyes flickering to his stump briefly before returning to the teddy bear.

"Then I'm going with you", Emma says firmly and he smiles to himself, finally looking up at her.

"What about Gold?"

"What about him?" Emma shoots back, knowing that there's nothing Killian could say that would stop her from going and giving people something else to gossip about besides how tragic it is that such a wonderful pianist would lose his hand; she knows he's going to be the talk of the evening as soon as he shows up.

"He might be there", Killian says, tilting his head toward Emma's stomach.

"I'll find a dress that hides my baby bump, so unless he touches it, he won't be able to tell I'm pregnant", Emma tells him, lifting her eyebrow in challenge.

"If he even tries to touch you, I'm going to knock him out", Killian says, his eyes darkening and a muscle in his jaw jumping because Gold took everything from him and the police still don't have a clue where to find Killian's attackers, and until they do, Gold is untouchable.

"He probably won't even be there", Emma reassures him and lays her hand on his shoulder, her fingers massaging the tight muscles until he relaxes and agrees to take her with him.

"Who would've thought that someday Emma Swan would be my plus one", Killian muses and eats some more ice-cream; Emma looks at him and thinks, _it was inevitable_.

* * *

Emma puts on a brand new dress she had bought for tonight; it's long, flowy and deeply blue, and she hopes it's stunning enough to take some of the unwanted attention off Killian. Her hair is cascading over her shoulders and back in gentle curls, her make-up is carefully applied, but she doesn't feel ready to come out of the bathroom yet.

"Emma? I need help with this damn tie", Killian calls from the bedroom and she looks herself over once more, takes a deep breath and opens the door. "This used to be easy but-"

Killian stops talking and just stares at her, his mouth hanging open and his hands frozen on the tie. It takes her a moment to realize that his left hand is the one for special occasions and her heart flutters even though she knows it's got nothing to do with her and everything to do with the people who are going to gape at him.

"You look beautiful", he tells her and she turns around so the dress flares out before coming closer and brushing his hands away.

The tie is almost exactly the same shade as her dress and his three piece suit makes him look even more attractive than usual, but her hands are steady when she makes the knot and tightens it carefully, tucking the tie in his vest and smoothing the lapels of his suit jacket.

"You don't look bad yourself", she says and his hand is suddenly on her waist, his eyes looking down at her with such longing that she feels certain he's finally going to kiss her.

"We should go", he says, his voice unbearably soft, and even though Emma nods, she keeps her hands on his chest and stays exactly where she is.

Killian glances at her lips, then shakes himself and takes a step back, his hand falling from her waist, and Emma hopes her face shows every bit of regret she feels, then picks up her golden purse from the bed, slips on her heels and walks ahead of him toward the door.

* * *

The gala is in the atrium of the opera house and Emma hesitates a little because she hadn't stepped inside it since the night Neal left her, but the second people notice Killian and start whispering, she slips her arm under his and squeezes his bicep reassuringly, smiling up at him when he lays his hand on top of hers and leads her forward.

She's here to make it easier for him and that's exactly what she's going to do.

One of Killian's music teachers separates himself from the crowd and comes over, and Emma has to let go of Killian so they can shake hands; she's so relieved that the man doesn't tiptoe around him, tackles the loss of his hand head on and then moves on to other subjects.

Emma goes to get drinks and looks around, trying to see Gold before he sees her in case he's here, but thankfully it looks like he's not. She's about to go back to Killian when Victor comes over and clinks his glass against hers.

"He looks good."

"You know he's not. Not really", Emma says, looking at Killian's tentative smile and feeling her heart break because he's trying so hard to keep it together despite the fact that being here is killing him.

"Once you play your variation for him, you should encourage him to write something for one hand", Victor tells her and Emma frowns, focusing her full attention on him even though her eyes want to keep looking at Killian.

"I don't understand."

"Haydn wrote musical pieces solely for the left hand. Killian could do the same for the right; we both know he's talented enough, and all he needs is a little push", Victor explains and Emma's mind is reeling with the possibilities.

"He says music wouldn't sound right with just one hand", Emma says sadly, remembering that day she found him sitting at the piano and shuddering at the thought that she never would've known he'd written her a composition if she hadn't noticed his sheet music in the trash can.

"Yeah, because he's so in love with Tchaikovsky", Victor chuckles dryly, kisses Emma on the cheek and walks away before Killian sees them and figures out that they are up to something.

Emma walks back to Killian and hands him his glass, and he looks so relieved that she's back, his arm wrapping around her waist and pulling her against his side; the fact that his hand on her waist is the fake one makes his touch even more meaningful and she reaches for it with her right hand so they end up hopelessly entwined.

Most of the people that come to talk Killian are musicians and Emma finds her thoughts drifting, a strange longing to be on the stage _right now_ overtaking her all at once, but she hesitates because Killian is still holding her close and she doesn't want to leave him here alone.

"Killian, come meet some people", the headmaster of his music school beckons him and he glances at Emma, as if waiting to see if it's okay for him to leave her.

"Go", Emma tells him, letting his hand go and gently pushing him in the right direction.

There's a buffet table on the other side of the atrium and Emma tries to distract herself with food because the stage is still calling to her and she doesn't want to give in to the temptation.

"Have you seen Killian's fake hand?" An old woman across the table from Emma tells her companion and then they go on and on about how miserable his life must be now that he can't play, which makes Emma's blood boil. She wants to throw her plate at their heads but decides that the last thing Killian needs is her making a scene so she just storms off, walking through the first door she comes across that's leading out of the atrium.

It just happens to be the one leading backstage.

* * *

Emma stands in the middle of the stage with her eyes closed, imagining that the silent auditorium is full of people who came to see her dance, imagining the orchestra separating her from them and the rest of the company waiting in the wings.

She had missed it, and she only realizes how much now that she's standing here again.

Emma takes off her shoes and leaves them on the edge of the stage with her purse and then dances to the music that's always playing in her head; Killian's song for her.

She's so lost in what she's doing that she never hears his approach, his arm sliding around her waist as he offers her his hand. Her lips stretch into a smile and she takes it, laughing when he spins her around and pulls her close.

"How did you know I was here?" Emma asks him, wrapping her arms around his neck as they sway to the faint sound of music coming from the atrium.

"I know you, lass. I know what you dream about", he tells her, his arms tightening around her a little, his eyes locked on hers; he had never looked at her with such intent and a shiver of anticipation runs down her spine, her heart rate picking up.

"Do you?" She asks him, looking at him from under her eyelashes and licking her lips because he's so close their breath is mingling and she can practically taste him already.

"Yes", Killian says and smiles, brings his hand up to cup her face, and then kisses her, that flame that's been flickering inside her for months flaring into an inferno she can't control; her fingers tangle in his hair and she runs her tongue over his bottom lip, moaning when he sucks it inside his mouth.

Emma's hand slides under his jacket and runs up his back, her body reacting to his kiss instantly and completely, and she can't stop imagining herself ripping open his vest and shirt and letting him take her right in the middle of this stage.

This kiss is unlike any other she had experienced, hot and tender at the same time, the culmination of feelings that have been growing slowly; she finally admits to herself that this is what she had wanted since the day she caught him looking at her across the dance studio, since the day she first heard him play and shook his hand after the class ended.

Killian pulls away and rests his forehead against hers and Emma follows the hard line of his jaw with her knuckles, her lips still burning, her eyes probably as dazed as his are.

"It was about time you did that", she tells him softly, then rises on her tiptoes and kisses him again, their lips moving slower this time, Emma's heart expanding with love when her baby kicks her as if he wants to tell her that it's okay, that he approves of her choice.

"I wanted to do that since the moment I saw you", Killian says, he eyes widening because she had never expected to hear that.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"You were with Neal, and then, well… you know", he says, and Emma gets the final confirmation that he wasn't holding back because of her pregnancy but because of his hand.

"I've been waiting for this kiss for months", Emma says, smiling at him and unable to resist pressing her lips against his again, everything inside her singing because he feels the same about her as she does about him and kissing him feels so right; they are like two pieces of the puzzle that just fit perfectly with each other.

"Can we not…", he starts to say, takes a deep breath and continues, "can we take it slow?"

"You do know that I've never been hornier in my entire life?" Emma asks him and he lifts an eyebrow and nods, a lazy smile tugging at his lips. "But I agree with you. We don't need to rush anything."

Killian picks her up and kisses her, and Emma realizes that she had finally found a home, and it's in his arms.

* * *

Two hours later they walk back into their apartment holding hands, neither of them quite able to stop grinning. Killian closes the door and kisses her neck, letting go of her when he realizes that they won't be able to take it slow if he keeps doing that.

Emma showers first and changes into her pajamas before going to the living room, kneeling on the couch next to Killian and tugging him close by his loosened tie, her free hand unbuttoning his vest before he covers her hand with his and stops her from doing the same with his shirt.

"Slow, remember?" He says with an amused smile and Emma huffs, gives him a quick peck on the cheek and lets him go.

"Slow is harder than I expected", she mutters under her breath and watches him walk backwards toward the bathroom, smiling when he wiggles his eyebrows at her and disappears inside.

Emma settles into bed and later he comes to kiss her goodnight, her arms wrapping around him tightly because he smells so good and she doesn't know how to let him go.

She doesn't want to sleep alone now that everything is out in the open between them.

"The sooner you let me go now, the sooner you're going to wake up to me kissing you goodmorning", Killian tells her and Emma's fingers brush down his arms before she pulls the covers higher over herself. "Sleep tight."

"I'll dream of you", Emma says, her heart fluttering at the way he smiles, his blue eyes finding hers across the room one more time before he turns off the light.

"I'll dream about you too", she hears him say and then he's gone.

When Emma closes her eyes she can feel his presence on the other side of the wall up until the moment she falls asleep, and then, as she had told him she would, she dreams about him all night long.

* * *

**Review?**


	12. Only For You

**This chapter is fluffy and a bit feelsy, but the next is going to hurt a lot, so I hope you enjoy this one! Thank you for reading and being so enthusiastic about this story; it's really appreciated.**

* * *

As he had promised last night, Killian wakes Emma up with a kiss, her arms wrapping around him even before she opens her eyes. He tastes like coffee and smells like the ocean, and Emma sighs contentedly, her hands wandering over his back as their tongues tangle together; she's acutely aware of his thigh pressed against her hip and the way his necklace brushes against her chest, but when he pulls away she lets him go without a fight.

Now that their feelings are out in the open, she finds that it's easier dealing with her need for him because she knows that someday soon they are going to come together and he's going to make her fly.

"I have to go to work", Killian tells her, his hand smoothing her hair behind her ear, his blue eyes sad that he has to leave her.

"I'll do some shopping, but I'll be here when you come back", Emma says, caressing his forearm until he starts to get up, then quickly tugging on it and pulling him back down, her fingers tangling in his hair, her lips pressing against his briefly.

"You could come around the station so we can have lunch together", he suggests almost tentatively and Emma smiles, somehow finding strength to grip his shoulders and push him away.

"I'll be there. Now go before you're late", she says and he chuckles because she was the one keeping him here in the first place.

Killian's hand caresses her stomach and then he's gone, Emma's smile big and bright because she's fairly certain that she had found somebody who's going to love both her and her son.

* * *

Emma breezes through her morning barre, showers and leaves the apartment by 10:30 a.m., feeling like her feet are barely touching the ground. It's raining and the day is gloomy; it would have gotten her down if she wasn't so happy that she and Killian have stopped dancing around each other, if Killian's kiss wasn't still on her lips.

The morning seems to go on forever as she goes in and out of shops with baby clothes, checking her watch every five minutes so she doesn't miss her lunch date with Killian. She's looking through cute onesies when a pile of tiny t-shirts catches her eye; each is in a different color and they all have writings on them starting with "my daddy is".

Emma stands there blinking back tears because the third one she comes across states "my daddy is a musician", and she's not sure what's making her more sad; that Killian isn't her baby's father or that he's not a musician anymore.

"Stop it", Emma tells herself and smiles when her son kicks her; today is a day to be thankful for what she's got, for the way Killian makes her feel loved and for the way he touches her stomach because even if her son isn't his, he still wants to care for him.

Emma buys a t-shirt that says "my daddy is Superman", and she thinks it's fitting that it's blue like Killian's eyes.

* * *

Even though Killian has been working at the radio station for about four months, Emma had never visited him before today, and she feels a little nervous about just barging in there all of a sudden. The secretary buzzes her and her numerous shopping bags in, gives her a warm smile and tells her to follow the hallway until she comes across Killian.

"How did you know I'm here for Killian?" Emma asks because she hadn't even had a chance to introduce herself, much less say why she's here.

"He told me Emma was coming today", the secretary says and winks at her, and Emma frowns in confusion.

"But how did you know I'm Emma?"

"Oh honey. Ninety percent of things that man talks about are you and the baby", the secretary tells her and Emma blushes fiercely, then quickly walks away.

Killian comes out of a room ahead of her and she tilts her head to the side and smiles at him, the two of them meeting in the middle of the hallway and just looking at each other without reaching out to touch.

"Hello, lass."

"Hello."

"You're early", he says and grins, then takes her bags from her and wraps his arms around her waist.

"I could come back later", Emma teases, tracing her finger over the long chain of Killian's necklace before closing her fist around the pendants on the end of it.

"I'm not letting you go anywhere now that you're here and you know it", Killian tells her and Emma smiles, lifting her eyes to his and tugging on his necklace until he's close enough to kiss.

When they come up for air Killian transfers the bags to his fake hand and offers her the real one, and even though Emma never was one for hand holding in public, she finds that when it comes to Killian, she doesn't mind at all.

If anything, she can't stop touching him; their fingers entwine and Emma wraps her free hand around his bicep, her cheek resting against his shoulder as they walk out on the street and toward the restaurant.

* * *

"I know you're dying to show me what you bought today, so let's see it", Killian says, handing the bags back to her with an amused smile. They have finished lunch and he's still got half an hour before he needs to go back, and Emma curses herself for not dropping off the bags at home before coming to meet him because she didn't mean to give him the daddy t-shirt so fast; telling somebody that you want them to be a father to your child isn't exactly taking things slow.

Emma takes out clothes and toys one by one, saving the Superman t-shirt for last.

"I wasn't gonna show you this today, but I guess it's better if we talk about it now, in case you want us to go back to being just friends", Emma says, her heart skipping a beat at the thought of losing him, losing what she'd been longing to have for so long.

"Why would I want to go back?" Killian asks, a frown creasing his forehead, his hand reaching out and cupping her face, making her look at him.

"You could decide it's too much too soon", Emma tells him and he gives her a crooked smile before pressing his lips against her forehead, the scruff on his chin scratching her nose.

"I've been dreaming about being with you for years, so I'm pretty sure there's nothing you could do or say that would make me want to let you go", he tells her and his eyes are so brilliantly beautiful she finds herself drowning in their blue depths. "Show me what you bought, lass."

Emma takes the t-shirt out of the bag and lays it on his knee, her hand shaking a little because even though he'd said he wants to help her with the baby, he never actually said he wanted to be called a daddy of a child that's not his.

Killian unfolds the shirt and reveals the writing, and then he just sits there staring at it and blinking really fast, Emma's hand falling on his thigh because it's not the reaction she had expected.

"Emma… This is…", he trails off, his finger tracing the letters as he tries to find the words to express himself. "That day I felt your baby kick was the day I started wishing it was mine."

He could've told her he loved her and she wouldn't feel more overwhelmed with emotion than she is now; she can't find the words to tell him how much this means to her so she just wraps her arms around him and buries her face in his neck, his hand infinitely gentle when he rubs it up and down her back.

"I'm no superman, but I'll be the best daddy I can be", Killian says and Emma wipes her wet cheek on his shoulder before she kisses him and tells him that she knows he will.

As far as she's concerned, he'd been one all along.

* * *

Emma is dreaming that she's going into labor and she can't find Killian anywhere, forever stumbling through the opera house backstage that seems more like a maze than anything else; no matter which door she opens, she always ends up in the same place.

"Emma, wake up", she hears Killian's voice on the edge of her nightmare, but she can't shake it, can't find a way to him. "Wake up, love."

He had never called her _love_ before, and she always wondered why he never used that particular term of endearment for her when he did for other ballerinas, but hearing that simple four letter word now makes it special and it's got enough power to make her open her eyes and sit up right into his arms. She's still shaking, but his embrace is comforting, and his voice whispering that she and the baby are safe gradually makes her calm down, her erratic breathing becoming regular again.

"Do you want me to stay here until you fall asleep again?" Killian asks her and Emma takes a shuddering breath because she's wide awake and she knows that she's just going to lay there tossing and turning until morning.

"I won't be able to fall asleep", Emma tells him and he shakes his head in time with her words.

"You have to sleep. For the little one's sake", he says, his eyes caressing her face the way his hand is caressing her stomach.

"I'll try", Emma tells him and he kisses her forehead, then goes to warm some milk for her, hoping it's going to help her relax.

Time passes and she keeps changing positions; when she tells him to go to sleep he stubbornly refuses despite the fact that he has to go to work in about 4 hours.

"Come with me", he finally says an hour later, and Emma takes his hand and lets him guide her to the living room. He makes her lie down on the couch and she doesn't realize what he's about to do until he sits at the piano and lifts the lid up.

"Killian", Emma whispers his name, marveling at the fact that after he had spent months refusing to even sit there, he's about to play for her in hopes of helping her sleep. "You don't have to."

"I want to", Killian says and gives her a tender smile and tells her to close her eyes and just listen, then takes a deep breath and touches the keys for the first time since he'd lost his hand.

His expression is neutral, but Emma can still see that this is unbelievably painful for him, so she closes her eyes and focuses on the music because she feels that the only way to make him feel better is to actually fall asleep because of his playing.

As soon as her eyes are closed and the melancholy music wraps around her, she begins to feel herself relaxing, the nightmare slowly slipping away from her because even despite missing a hand, Killian is still a true virtuoso.

Next thing she knows, the music is coming from a distance, and then she doesn't know anything at all because she's off to dreamland.

When she wakes up again, it's morning, she's in her bed instead on the couch, and Killian is already at work.

* * *

Emma had never sat at Killian's piano before, but today she finds herself drawn to it, her fingers tracing the keys Killian had touched last night almost reverently. Even though she still doesn't feel confident enough to play Killian's composition for him, she's fairly decent at some of the other melodies Victor was teaching her, and her favorite is definitely Beethoven's "Ode to Joy".

A part of her knows that Killian could be home any minute now, and she almost wishes he would catch her, the music resonating in the air around her until the song ends and she closes the lid gently.

Killian comes in fifteen minutes later, collapsing on the couch and falling asleep before Emma even comes out of the kitchen. She takes off his shoes and fake hand, covering him with a blanket and kissing his cheek before sitting in the armchair across from the couch and opening her pregnancy book. According to it her baby is now able to tell when she rubs her belly, and she experiments a little with that until she feels him kick in response. It brings a smile to her lips and she feels an overwhelming amount of love for her little man; she thinks that even if she never dances another role again, it's going to be worth it.

"What time is it?" Killian asks about two hours later, clearing his throat and rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"Half past seven", Emma says, kneeling next to the couch and sitting back on her heels, resting her elbow on his chest. "Slept well?"

"I did", he answers, twirling a lock of her hair around his finger. "When did you wake up this morning?"

"Around nine. Did you carry me to bed?"

"How else would you get there?" He asks with an amused smile and she shrugs, tracing her finger along his jaw line.

"I could've sleepwalked", she tells him and he widens his eyes comically.

"Are you trying to say that you didn't think I could carry a tiny ballerina to bed?"

"A pregnant ballerina", Emma clarifies and tries not to remember what the bathroom scale showed her the last time she had stepped on it.

"You're as light as a feather", Killian tells her softly, and she leans forward to kiss him, loving him so much for saying it even though it can't be true.

"Do you want to play something for me again?" Emma asks, hoping against hope that last night wasn't just a one-time thing.

"Not particularly", he says, suddenly finding the ceiling above his head very interesting, his blue eyes darkening with emotion.

"Do you want to go out for a walk with me?" Emma asks him quickly and he smiles, kisses her hand and gets off the couch before leaning down and helping her up with his arms under hers.

"I take it you hadn't gone shopping today", he says and Emma rises her eyebrows at him, her arms wrapping around his waist.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You always want to stay in on the nights you go shopping in the morning", he tells her like it's the most obvious thing and she frowns.

"I do?"

"You do", he says and kisses her nose.

"Never mind that", Emma says and takes his hand, pressing it firmly against the side of her stomach. When the baby kicks Killian's eyes widen and his eyes search hers for an explanation. "He's big enough to feel things now, so that was him feeling you, daddy."

"Thank you", he breathes against her lips, his forehead resting against hers, his eyes closed.

"For what?"

"Everything", Killian says and kisses her, his hand still on her stomach, still connected to their baby.

* * *

**Review?**


	13. You Can Fall Apart

**Most of this chapter is angsty, but there are still cute moments, and some actual progress... Enjoy, and thank you for all the positive feedback!**

* * *

It's half past ten p.m. when the detective assigned to Killian's case calls; Killian puts him on speaker and Emma reaches for his hand when the detective says that they have apprehended three suspects they think are the ones who had attacked Killian, and asks if he can make it to the station tomorrow morning.

"I'll be there", Killian says through gritted teeth and disconnects, then throws his cell phone on the coffee table; it bounces off and lands on the floor.

Emma doesn't know what to say, so she just makes him lay down in her lap and rests her arm on his chest; his heart is beating so fast she can feel it jump in her palm.

"I'll go with you", she tells him, a tiny part of her wishing the police wasn't successful in finding those men because then Killian wouldn't have to go through this, wouldn't have to look at them again.

"Can we not talk about it tonight?" Killian asks her softly, his eyes as haunted as they were that first few days in the hospital.

"Of course", Emma murmurs, sifting her fingers through his hair when he turns on his side and covers her stomach with his hand.

He starts talking to their baby, telling him how much he loves him and how happy he is that he's going to be his father, and that no matter what, he's going to keep him and his mommy safe. Emma wipes away her tears before they can spill down her cheeks and they stay like that for a long time, each lost in their own thoughts, but still hopelessly entwined together.

* * *

Emma has to drive them to the police station because Killian's hand is shaking too much; he tells her he just wants to be done with it and Emma respects his wish even though she thinks he should wait a few days until he's mentally prepared for it.

But then again, he'd probably never be ready to face his attackers.

They get out of the car and he jumps when she slams her door; Emma had stayed on the couch with him all night and slept, but judging by the purple shadows under his eyes, he did not.

"It's going to be okay", Emma tells him, taking his hand in hers and holding it tightly; Killian gives her a shaky smile and starts walking toward the entrance of the police station.

Emma can't remember ever seeing him look so morose and the fact that she can't do or say anything to help him is killing her.

Detective Booth meets them in the atrium and Emma has to let Killian go so he can shake hands with him, and then they all walk down a long hallway that leads to a room Emma won't be able to enter.

"Take your time and come in when you're ready", detective Booth says and leaves the two of them alone; Killian is staring at the door as if he can see through it and Emma cups his cheek, making him look at her instead.

"I'm here, we're here", she tells him, taking his hand and laying it against her stomach, trying to penetrate through his pain and infuse him with enough strength to do this. "Nothing can happen to you with us around."

"So now you two are protecting me? I thought I was the one supposed to take care of you?" Killian says, a faint smile pulling at his lips when he rests his forehead against hers.

"You take care of us, but we also take care of you. We're a team", Emma tells him, her voice trembling with emotion.

"No, lass", he says, brushing his nose against hers and looking at her with eyes so blue they would put the clearest summer sky to shame. "We're not just a team. We are a family."

And then he kisses her, once, twice, gathers his courage and opens the door, looking at her over his shoulder with a shaky smile before he's gone.

Minutes tick by painfully slowly and Emma paces up and down the hallway, rubbing her belly and sending all her love to Killian; she's hoping he can feel it, hoping it's helping him get through this ordeal; she prays it makes him come out on the other side more or less unscathed.

No such luck.

Killian opens the door so forcefully it slams against the wall and shrugs off Emma's hand when she lays it on his shoulder; he walks out of the station so quickly she has to jog to keep up.

"Wait, Killian", Emma calls after him but he's either not listening or not hearing her; it's only when they reach the small courtyard outside that he stops, punches a tree and collapses on a bench under it.

Emma comes to him tentatively, her fingers closing on his shoulder gently, but his head is down and she doesn't think he even knows she's there; he's breathing heavily and she's afraid he's going to start hyperventilating soon if she doesn't figure out a way to calm him down.

"Killian, look at me", she says, her voice gentle but firm when she kneels in front of him and lifts his head with her hands. He blinks and his eyes open as if he's waking from a deep sleep, focusing on hers for just a moment before his face crumples and he starts crying, his shoulders shaking with sobs, his arms wrapping around her and pulling her close. Emma murmurs nonsences against his ear, her hands rubbing up and down his back until his breathing gradually evens out; her shirt is wet with his tears and her heart is heavy because she can't stand his pain.

She'd rather suffer it than see him like this.

"They… They…", he tries to speak, his voice breaking and his fingers grasping the material of her shirt, but Emma shushes him, pressing feather-light kisses against his temple.

"I know, Killian. I know", she murmurs, tightening her arms around him. "It's over now."

She bites her lip because it's actually a blatant lie; there's still the trial, but he shouldn't think about that now.

"You're safe", she tells him, cringing at how hollow her words sound, but he finally lifts his head and nods, then gives her a brave smile and tells her that he's going to be okay.

Emma wipes away his tears and reaches for his hand, carefully making him let go of her so she can inspect his bloodied knuckles. She's deathly afraid that he had hurt it but he wiggles his fingers and barely winces, telling her that it's just scraped.

"Let's go home and put some ice on it", Emma says and he helps her up, following her to the car.

The ride home is eerily silent; Killian stares out the window and Emma leaves him be because she doesn't quite know how to talk to him about such a traumatic experience without breaking down herself, and that's the last thing he needs.

"Sit down", Emma finally breaks the silence when they enter their kitchen, finding a bag of peas in the freezer and laying it gently against his hand. He's staring at it with a clenched jaw, his knee jumping up and down nervously, his shoulders tight when Emma lays her hands on them and tries to massage the tension out.

It's only when she feels him relaxing that she kisses his cheek and goes to get the first aid kit.

She comes back, cleans the blood and wraps a bandage around his hand, but he's still so silent, only talking when she asks him if it hurts or if it's too tight.

"It's fine", is his universal response to everything and Emma gathers the remaining supplies and carries them back to the bathroom, still trying to think of something to say.

She only spends a few minutes changing and she's on her way to the kitchen when she hears music coming from the living room, quiet and restrained at first, but growing louder the closer she gets.

Last week he had played for her, but today he's playing for himself.

Emma leans against the wall just outside the living room, closes her eyes and listens, the music wrapping around her like a warm blanket, and she prays that it's going to heal him the way she can't.

It's only after the last note stops resonating in the air that Emma comes up to him and rests her hand on his shoulder, smiling when he covers it with his and makes her sit down next to him.

"Booth thinks he can make at least one of them crack and give up Gold", Killian tells her, resting his chin on her shoulder and his hand on her knee.

"I really hope he does", Emma says, shivering at the possibility of Gold trying to retaliate, her fingers sifting through Killian's soft hair.

"I won't let anything happen to you or our baby", he tells her, his eyes darkening so it's looks like there's a storm brewing inside them the way it's brewing inside him; he's not sad anymore, he's angry.

"And we won't let anything happen to you either", Emma tells him, relaxing against him and hoping they can both keep their promises.

Two days later Gold is in custody and they are finally safe.

* * *

Emma comes home from her piano lessons and finds two envelopes in the mailbox; one is from a ballet company in L.A. and the other is from a local company that's always been a big rival of Gold's, and an amused smile stretches her lips because they must find great satisfaction in his downfall and getting his prima ballerina to dance with them; there's not even a smidgeon of irresolution in Emma because Killian is here, and it's the only place she wants to be.

Still, she decides to show him both envelopes and ask for his opinion because they are a team, a family, and families make decisions together.

Killian comes into the living room while she's ironing his shirts and she runs at him and jumps in his arms, her legs wrapping around his waist as she kisses him; he stumbles a little but regains his balance quickly, holding her up and kissing her back as if he'd been starving for her.

Maybe he had.

"You really missed me today, huh?" He asks with a crooked grin and Emma gives him a beaming smile, nodding enthusiastically because she did; she always misses him, and she's always glad when he comes home.

"Guess what happened", she says and tries not to think about their position, about his hand on her butt and how close their other parts are.

It's damn hard.

"How am I supposed to just guess?" He asks with a raised eyebrow and erases her pout with a kiss.

"Come on, it's easy", Emma tells him, smiling when he frowns in concentration and tries to figure it out.

"Is it something about the baby?"

"Nope."

"Did you find something wonderful to eat you never tried before?"

"No! Food isn't everything I think about!" Emma exclaims and he widens his eyes comically.

"It's not?"

"Sometimes I think about you", Emma tells him, her lips so close to his that their breath mingles, but then she pulls away because he still hasn't guessed why she's so happy.

"I think about you all the time", he tells her, and his voice is so soft, his eyes so honest when they lock on hers that she gets emotional and hides her face in his neck.

"I got two offers for next season", she tells him, and his voice trembles a little when he asks her where.

The second she says L.A. his arm tightens around her waist as if he's trying to physically keep her here because he thinks she's going to leave him behind.

"I'm not going to L.A.", Emma tells him, pulling away so she can meet his blue gaze, her heart breaking when she sees the look in his eyes; he's sad, but he's desperately trying to hide it because she's happy, and he thinks he should be happy for her.

"It's a chance of a lifetime, Emma. Why wouldn't you take it?" He asks cautiously, like he's trying not to get his hopes up but can't quite pull it off.

"Because you're here, Killian. I don't care where I'm dancing; all I care is that I'm with you", she tells him, smiling at the way his eyes light up.

"Are you sure? Because I would go with you", he tells her and she doesn't think she had ever loved him more than she does now.

"This is our home", Emma says and kisses him tenderly, all the love she feels for him pouring out of her.

But then, because he's Killian and she's Emma, the kiss turns hungry, and suddenly Emma can't think about anything but how much she wants to rip his shirt off, her nails digging into his shoulders when fire races over her skin.

Killian pulls away and sets her down on shaky legs, his arm still around her but only to keep her upright.

"I'm happy for you, lass", he tells her, and she can't believe he's trying to change the subject like this.

"Is it because I'm fat?" She asks him, desperately trying not to cry because it's stupid and pointless, but her hormones are making it really difficult.

"Emma-", Killian starts to say, but she cuts him off before he can say anything else.

"Because I'm gonna get even fatter", she tells him, losing the battle with the tears at the thought that he doesn't want her because she's not thin anymore.

"Oh Emma. You've never been more beautiful", he says, laying his hands on her sides and resting his forehead against hers.

"Then why won't you make love to me?" She whispers and he wipes away her tears, then takes a deep breath and tells her what's holding him back.

"I want to make love to you more than anything, but I want it to be perfect, and I know it can't be", he says, and Emma closes her eyes, feeling guilty for letting it slip her mind that he's still struggling with the loss of his hand; she feels silly for feeling inadequate because she's pregnant when he's the one missing an actual limb.

The thing is, she had never seen him as anything but whole.

"It's going to be more than perfect", Emma tells him, covering his fake hand with hers. "I'm sorry for throwing myself at you like this; it's the hormones making me so horny."

"Just give me a little more time, and I promise you, I'll get over myself", Killian says, and it takes her a lot of effort not to blurt out that she loves him no matter what.

"I can wait", she says softly, caressing his cheek with her knuckles. "As long as you don't think I'm completely undesirable."

Killian doesn't say anything, just pulls her closer so their hips press together, and she grins because the physical proof is more than enough; he wants her at least as much as she wants him, probably more.

* * *

**Review?**


	14. Courting Emma Swan

**Back to the regularly scheduled fluff (I'm not even surprised that you hadn't found the angst very angsty if you read my other fics); I hope you still like the story, and thank you for all the feedback.**

* * *

"Emma? This is Killian", Emma hears when she picks up her phone, frowning at her reflection in the mirror; she's in a store trying to find jeans that are stretchy enough for her baby bump and tight enough for her legs, and so far, no luck.

"Yeah, I know it's you", she tells him, wondering what he's playing at.

"Oh good. And here I thought you hadn't even remembered my name", he says and her eyebrows shoot up in confusion.

"Are you okay? You're not making much sense", Emma tells him, shimmying back into her leggings.

"Just play along", Killian says, and she can hear him grinning before his voice turns serious again. "I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me? We could have dinner or something."

"You're asking me out on a date?" Emma exclaims, feeling uncharacteristically giddy at the prospect, finally realizing what the silly talk was about.

"Yes, I believe dinner classifies as a date", Killian says and Emma chuckles, imagining him trying to keep a straight face and failing miserably.

"I would really like to have dinner with you", Emma tells him, already excited because she knows it's going to be wonderful.

"I'll pick you up at eight at the door of your bedroom", Killian says and Emma laughs, tells him he's silly and then goes to find a dress that's going to make his jaw hit the floor despite her baby bump.

* * *

At exactly 8 p.m. sharp there's a knock on Emma's bedroom door and she smiles to herself, checks her curls in the mirror one more time and finally opens it.

She hadn't see Killian since he woke her up with a kiss this morning and she has to restrain herself from jumping in his arms and kissing him like the world is ending.

"Good evening, lass", Killian says, his eyes roaming over her figure; she's wearing a black dress that shows off her legs and hides her stomach, and apparently he likes it. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks. You clean up nice", Emma tells him and he chuckles; he kisses her cheek and her skin burns from the contact with both his lips and his scruff. He's wearing jeans and a button down shirt under a leather jacket, and he smells so good it makes her go a little weak in the knees.

"Shall we?" He asks and offers her his elbow, which she gladly takes. They walk out of the apartment and downstairs in comfortable silence; he opens the door for her and gives her his hand to help her get into his car; his thumb caresses the back of her hand and he holds on a little longer than necessary, his eyes dancing with humor.

Emma loves every second of this, but at the same time she wishes they weren't doing it because then she'd be able to steal a kiss every time she feels like it.

"So, where are you taking me?" She asks him, sitting up straight and deciding to just go with it and have fun.

After all, at the end of their date he's going to kiss her goodnight, so what's a few hours of waiting for that to happen?

"There's a new restaurant that opened downtown last week, and I happen to know some people", Killian says and Emma gives him an amused smile.

"Are you actually attempting to impress me?" She asks him, watching his profile and feeling her fingers burn with an almost unbearable need to touch his skin.

"Is it working?" He fires back and wiggles his eyebrows at her, his blue eyes sparkling like an ocean on a summer day.

"Oh yeah", Emma tells him because what's the point of trying to hide it?

He can read it in her eyes anyway.

The restaurant looks fairly exclusive and Emma is a little worried that the food is going to be ridiculously expensive, but thankfully, it's not the case.

"Tell me something about yourself that nobody knows, Emma", Killian says after they order and it's only then that she realizes he's wearing the hand for special occasions.

She's living the dream, and it feels better than she had ever imagined it would.

"I don't think that's an appropriate subject for the first date", Emma tells him and grins at his expression, but he recovers quickly and tells her that it's only fair since she already knows everything there is to know about him. "Oh come on, that can't be true."

"And yet it is", he says with a smile that melts her so easily, and she realizes that there's just one thing not even Killian knows about her.

"Once… I stole a shirt that belonged to a boy I liked", Emma says and Killian looks adorably confused.

"You broke into his house and went through his closet?" He asks her, feigning shock at her actions.

"Actually, no. We were at a party, he took it off and went drinking, and I happened to take it and put it in my bag when nobody was watching", Emma explains, grinning at the memory. "I hadn't slept a wink that night, thinking that somebody must've seen me and that they are going to call the cops on my ass."

"For a shirt?" Killian chuckles and she shrugs.

"I was sixteen. And since I really, really liked that boy for years, it was an impulsive decision; I saw my opportunity and went for it. It was only later that I started panicking."

"Let me guess; you wore his shirt to bed for months until it fell apart", Killian says and Emma laughs because that's exactly what she'd done.

"How did you know?"

"You keep stealing my shirts", he tells her in a low voice as if it's some kind of a big secret.

"I do not", Emma protests even though she really does. It's not her fault they are so soft and comfortable, not to mention the fact that they smell like him.

"Who would've thought you were a little thief before becoming a prima ballerina", Killian teases her gently and Emma shrugs, telling him that it was her one and only rebellion.

Their food arrives and there's an awkward moment when the waiter offers to cut Killian's food for him, but other than that, everything goes more than smoothly, both of them unrestrained and happy to be there with each other, finally able to relax because all Killian's attackers are in custody and they can't hurt anybody else again.

Killian lets her finish his dessert after she practically inhales hers and keeps throwing longing glances at his, and if there was ever any doubt in her mind whether or not she hold onto him, there's none left anymore.

When they leave the restaurant Killian doesn't even bother to put on his jacket; he holds it out for her until she slips her arms into its sleeves, shivering when he brings his lips close to her ear and tells her that he expects her to give this one back to him.

The other one is still hanging on her side of the closet at home.

They come out of the restaurant and he doesn't go straight for the car yet, pointing across the street at a little park and asking her if she's up for a walk.

"Of course", Emma murmurs and entwines her fingers with his, thinking that she would've done it even if it were actually their first date because she likes to think she'd know right away that he's the one.

The evening is quiet and it smells like it's going to rain; Emma finds herself thinking how she could've had this such a long time ago if she wasn't so hung up on somebody who didn't even care about her all that much.

Killian sits on the first bench they come across and settles her in his lap, wrapping his arms around her waist and smiling when she tells him that this definitely isn't appropriate for the first date.

"You're so old-fashioned, Swan", he tells her, and the way her last name sounds when he says it sends shivers down her spine; she crosses her arms behind his head and leans down until her lips are inches from his.

"Says who?" She asks and kisses him before he can answer her, tangling her fingers in his hair and feeling her heart start slamming against her ribcage as soon as he deepens the kiss, his hand cupping her cheek and leaving fingerprints on her soul.

"I was mistaken", Killian murmurs when they separate, his eyes locking on hers. "You're amazing."

"Flattery will get you far with me", Emma tells him, then showers his face with kisses until he laughs and begs for mercy.

"That's definitely not something you do on a first date", Killian says, his nose brushing against hers.

"Then I'm glad it's not really our first date", Emma tells him and kisses him again.

After they get home he walks her to the door of her bedroom and tells her that he'd had the most wonderful time, and that he hopes they can do it again soon. He's everything she had ever wanted and he'd been there the entire time, waiting in the shadows and always coming to her rescue; she can't believe she'd been so wrapped up in Neal that she failed to notice it wasn't right between them, and that neither of them had loved the other one right.

If they had, he wouldn't leave her, and if she had, she wouldn't get over him so quickly and fell for Killian so hard.

"May I kiss you goodnight?" Killian asks her softly and she can only nod, spellbound with the look in his eyes when he cups her face with both of his hands, gently, oh so gently, like he's afraid he's going to break her or that she's not going to like his fake hand touching her.

Emma brings her hands up and wraps her fingers around his wrists, smiling and waiting with her eyes closed until his lips are upon hers; it's a kiss that lasts just long enough to leave her wanting more and then he pulls away, her hands tightening on his wrists because she's unable to let him go yet.

"One more, please", Emma whispers and he grants her that wish, his thumb caressing her cheek as his kiss spins her head and makes her weak in the knees.

"I'll call you tomorrow", Killian says and steps back so Emma can close the door of her room, and she had never felt more reluctant to end a date than she does now.

She's taking off her earrings when the door opens again and Killian comes back in, telling her that he still needs to shower, and Emma laughs as she watches him disappear into the bathroom and spends the next twenty minutes laying on her bed and trying not to imagine him naked under a spray of water.

She's not very successful.

* * *

Emma feels peppy all morning, doing a little cleaning and a lot of dancing; after she finishes barre she turns on the radio and just moves the way the music tells her to.

When the doorbell rings she skips to open the door, a big grin stretching her lips when the delivery guy hands her the most wonderful flower arrangement she had ever seen, and she'd seen a lot. The fact that it's not cliché red roses but asters and dahlias in pink and purple colors that clash and still manage to look good together is just a bonus.

But then again, it's Killian who had sent her the flowers; she's pretty sure she'd like anything because it's coming from him, and because it's from the heart.

She signs the slip and carries the bouquet to the kitchen, realizing that Killian doesn't have any vases; luckily, she's almost done with another jar of pickles, so she empties the remaining ones in a bowl and washes the jar, then arranges the flowers in it.

The message on the card reads: _There are no flowers as beautiful as you, but I hope you still like these_.

Emma finds her phone and calls Killian, her smile so wide her cheeks actually hurt.

"I love the flowers", she tells him as soon as he picks up and she imagines him with a grin that mirrors hers.

"Not too cheesy?" He asks her and she shakes her head, tracing her finger over the silky petals of the nearest dahlia.

"Just cheesy enough", Emma tells him and he laughs, her entire being tingling just from the sound of it.

"Something else is on its way, but try to wait for me before you open it, okay?"

"What is it?" Emma demands and he tells her to be patient and she'll see. "Hurry home!"

"I will, lass", he says and Emma remains looking at the flowers for a long time after they hang up.

* * *

As soon as Killian walks through the door Emma smashes into him and kisses him, sighing with pleasure when he doesn't hold back, his tongue slipping inside her mouth and tangling with hers. His hand is burning her waist as hers wander over his back, but somehow she finds the strength to pull back before they really get into it because there's a box in the living room and she's dying to see what's inside it.

"Here", Killian says and hands her yet another stuffed animal; this time it's a bunny, and it's so fluffy and cute that Emma doesn't have the heart to tell him that their son really doesn't need so many toys.

"Open the box", Emma says and hands him the scissors so he can cut through the tape and finally show her what's inside.

"So demanding", Killian teases and Emma smacks his shoulder, practically bouncing on her feet.

Inside the box is a white crib with beautifully carved sides, and Killian carries the pieces to their baby's bedroom, then starts assembling it. As a red-blooded male that he is, he doesn't even attempt to read the instructions and Emma sits in the rocking chair, watching him work and trying not to laugh as his curses become more and more colorful.

"I think that screw goes on the other side", Emma tells him, pointing with her foot and smiling when it turns out she was right.

Ten minutes later the crib is assembled and Killian puts the first teddy bear he'd bought in it almost reverently, resting his hands on the side and testing its sturdiness. It doesn't budge an inch and Emma gets up, presses her lips against his bicep and leans into him when he wraps his arm around her waist.

"It's the most perfect gift I'd ever received", Emma tells him and Killian bends to kiss her, his hand going up and down her side.

"You and the baby are the gift", he says against her lips and Emma smiles, finally realizing what people mean when they say that when one door closes, another one opens.

If Neal hadn't left her, she wouldn't have Killian, she wouldn't have all the love in the world.

* * *

**Review?**


	15. Hearts On Fire

**Thank you to everybody who read/reviewed/favorited/followed, and I hope you're gonna like the way Emma and Killian finally come together; there's still angst to be had, though.**

* * *

The phone rings just as Emma is finishing with her morning barre; some guy wants to know when can he come see the piano he's looking to buy and she frowns, telling him that he's got the wrong number. Something cold slides into her stomach when she hangs up, but she tells herself it was just a coincidence because Killian would not sell his piano, especially now that he had just started playing it again.

Half an hour later there's another call and then another, and Emma hangs up both times, taking her cell phone from the coffee table and calling Killian.

The house phone rings and she realizes he'd mistakenly transferred his calls to it, and if he hadn't, she wouldn't have known that he's planning to sell the piano until somebody came to take it away.

It feels like a betrayal.

It reminds her of Neal keeping important things form her and hot tears roll down her cheeks; the next person that calls gets an earful even though it's not their fault, and then Emma goes to get dressed and storms out of the apartment.

* * *

Killian barely closes the door before Emma throws the newspapers at him, folded on the page with advertisements. He catches it deftly and glances down at it, and at least he's got the decency to look guilty.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you-"

"That you're selling your piano? That you're getting rid of the thing that means the most to you?" Emma demands, poking him in the chest after every angry word. He just stands there and takes it and she feels her fury lessen a little.

"You're the one that means the most to me, not the bloody piano", he tells her, his blue eyes darkening. "My job doesn't pay all that well and we need money."

"Don't even try making this about me; it's about your hand and we both know it", she tells him, her voice softening.

"Why are you doing this?" He asks her, and he looks so unbelievably sad that tears spring to her eyes again and she wants to take it back, but she knows they have to talk about it.

"You didn't tell me anything, Killian. Some guy called and I heard from him, and it felt like something Neal would do."

"Emma, I didn't… I never intended to hurt you", Killian says, his eyes begging her for forgiveness. "I didn't think you'd mind me selling it."

"I mind because I know that you love that piano even if it hurts to play it. But Killian, the pain will lessen with time, and if you sell it, you're going to regret it", Emma says, taking his hands in hers and holding on even when he tries to pull away. "You grandpa gave you that piano and you're not selling it."

"But we need the money", Killian says miserably, his eyes downcast, and Emma shakes her head, cups his cheek and makes him look at her.

"We have enough", she tells him softly, and he sighs and rests his forehead against hers.

"I want you and our baby to have everything, not just enough", Killian says and Emma smiles, guiding his hand to her stomach and feeling like she's standing on top of the world because he referred to her son as_ their_ baby.

"We have everything. We have you", Emma tells him and he finally smiles, then leans forward to kiss away her tears.

"If you want me to keep it, then I'll keep it", he says, his nose brushing against hers.

"Keep it until the baby is born. If it still hurts too much, you can sell it and I won't say a word", Emma whispers and traces her thumb over the scar on his cheek.

"I'm really sorry for not telling you about the piano… I think I knew you'd make me change my mind, and I just wanted the pain to stop."

"I understand, but the fact that you let me make you change your mind means you know it wouldn't have stopped", Emma tells him, closing her eyes when he kisses her and promises never to do anything like that again.

The difference between Killian and Neal is that Killian always acknowledges her pain and tries to do everything in his power to make it disappear.

* * *

A few days after the piano incident Killian calls her and tells her to be ready to go as soon as he gets home from work.

"Go where?"

"It's a surprise", he says, his voice low in her ear, and she can practically hear him grinning.

"At least tell me what I should wear", Emma demands and he laughs.

"It's nothing fancy", he tells her and she spends the rest of the afternoon trying to figure out what his plan could be.

When Killian honks downstairs she's still not ready because she's changing yet again, and then she can't decide which shoes to wear and Killian has to come upstairs to get her.

"You look beautiful, lass", he tells her from the doorway as she tries to fix her hair because it's falling on her shoulders all wrong. "You always look beautiful."

"You're just saying that because you want me to hurry", Emma tells him but she can't help smiling at the compliment.

"No, I'm saying it because it's the truth", he says, gently tugging her from the mirror and out the door.

"Where are we going?" She asks him as soon as he starts the car and exits their street.

"You'll see", he says cryptically and Emma pouts, fiddling with the radio and picking the station with sappy love songs because she knows he's going to beg for mercy in a matter of minutes. "I'm not telling you where we're going or what we're going to do once we get there."

"So we're gonna do something", Emma muses and sticks out her tongue at him, and he can't help a smile tugging at his lips.

"You're always so impatient", he tells her and reaches for her hand, bringing her knuckles to his lips.

"If I guess, are you gonna tell me?"

"I will. But you won't guess", he says and shoots her a smug grin before returning his eyes to the road.

Half an hour later they arrive to their destination and she still hasn't guessed.

"Out you get", Killian says and rummages in the trunk while she gets out of the car. He comes to her side holding a blanket under his arm and takes her hand, tugging her toward the steps leading up to the top of the hill.

"You said it wasn't a picnic."

"It's not a picnic, lass."

"But the blanket-", Emma protests and he just smiles.

"You'll see in a minute", he tells her and kisses her quickly before they climb up and find themselves looking out over the city, a thousand lights blinking in the gathering darkness.

"It's so beautiful", Emma murmurs, standing there transfixed until she realizes he hadn't said anything; she turns around to find him assembling a telescope next to the blanket he'd laid out on the ground.

"It's about to get more beautiful", he tells her as he fastens the last screw into place.

"I can't believe I hadn't thought of stargazing", Emma says and sits down next to him, cupping his face in her hands and kissing him slowly and tenderly, their little hill feeling like the top of the world.

"Have you ever been before?" He asks her when they separate and starts fiddling with the telescope.

"No", Emma says faintly and Killian shifts so he's sitting behind her, his hand covering hers and showing her how to change the scope when she leans forward and looks up at the sky.

The sight is breathtaking and she just looks and looks, unable to believe that something so wonderful had always been within her reach but she just didn't know how to see it.

"Do you like your surprise, lass?" Killian asks, his lips grazing her ear and momentarily distracting her from the starry sky.

"I love my surprise", Emma answers, leaning against him and tilting her head to look at his eyes, thinking to herself that they are definitely more beautiful than some star that's actually been dead for years.

Killian smiles and kisses her, and Emma holds onto his arm as he cradles her against him, his tongue tracing her bottom lip until she opens up for him and sees some constellations behind her closed lids that have nothing to do with the field of stars hanging above them.

* * *

Emma hums as she pours herself a glass of water, still seeing the stars Killian had shown her last night every time she closes her eyes, then goes back to the living room and finds him sitting on the couch, so completely lost in his thoughts that he doesn't notice her until she sets the glass down on the coffee table.

"You okay?" She asks him, brushing her fingers through his hair, and he shrugs and tells her that he's just thinking. "About?"

"How lucky I actually am", he says softly, scooting closer to the edge of the couch when she gasps and presses her free hand against her stomach. "Is he kicking again?"

"Feel for yourself", Emma says and reaches for his hand, lifts her shirt and holds his hand against her stomach. Killian smiles and leans forward, kissing the place where their baby's foot connects. His eyes are closed and she can practically feel his love for both her and their son against her skin, and it's only then that it registers that he's actually kissing her naked stomach. He glances up at her as if asking for permission to keep doing it and she nods shakily, watching him press hot open mouthed kisses all over her baby bump.

A part of her still can't believe that this is finally happening, her fingers digging into his shoulder because her knees are rapidly turning into jell-o from his ministrations, but he wraps his arm around her and lays his hand on her side to keep her where she is, taking his time, his lips drifting lower excruciatingly slowly.

By the time he starts peeling her pajama bottoms down her legs she's already breathing heavily, but he doesn't rush anything, showering her thighs with kisses, nipping her skin gently until her pants are finally off. Emma's skin feels like it's on fire everywhere he touches her, and then he looks up at her with a cocky smirk and drags her panties down with his hand on one side and his teeth on the other.

She steps out of them and pulls her shirt up and off, her hand pushing him until he's leaning against the back of the couch; she straddles him and kisses him, her hands framing his face, his hand tangling in her hair as he balances her on his lap with his other arm around her waist.

They've kissed plenty of times before, but they've never been this desperate before, tongues first tangling and then separating, teeth biting lips and fingers digging into flesh. Emma pulls away just far enough to take the hem of his shirt and tug it up until he lifts his arms so she can get it off, embracing her again instantly and pulling her as close as her baby bump allows him to, his chest hair pleasantly scratching the sensitive skin of her breasts.

She can feel him against the juncture of her thighs and she squirms, the pressure inside her steadily rising as he kisses her neck, then bites it gently and runs his tongue down, blowing on her skin; she traces the hard muscles of his back that she had only ever felt through the material of his shirts and sighs softly because it feels divine.

Emma whispers his name and traces her fingers down his arms, then over his ribs and lower, sneaking them past the waist of his sweatpants, smiling when he gasps and pushes against her hand. It's stilly, but it almost feels like she'd been waiting for this her entire life, for someone to show her what making love really means.

He kisses her and traces his hand up the inside of her thigh, her moan silenced against his mouth, her eyes drifting closed as his fingers tease her, making her heart hammer in her chest, the pressure rising so high she feels like exploding any second now.

He brings his head down and sucks her nipple, her lips parting and her arm tightening around his shoulders; his touch makes blood rush in her ears and her skin sing, and she comes to the conclusion that it was worth waiting for this.

It was worth waiting for him.

"Killian, please", she begs and he pulls away, their eyes meeting, blue and grey locking together as he covers her hand with his and enters her, filling her so perfectly she would probably get emotional even if it wasn't for the pregnancy hormones.

And then he kisses her again, and they move as one, and she can't think about anything at all; she just feels and breathes him in and flies in his arms.

It takes her a while to catch her breath afterwards and he keeps kissing her, which makes it even harder.

"Does this mean I don't have to sleep on the couch anymore?" He asks her with a crooked smile and Emma laughs, realizing that she had never felt as happy as she does now.

"I wanted us to share your bed a long time ago", she reminds him, caressing his cheek and still unable to believe that he's really hers.

"You did, but I didn't really trust myself to stay on my side of it", he says and Emma grins.

"I thought you were afraid of me jumping your bones", she teases because that was what she had wanted to do for a long, long time.

"I was afraid I wouldn't be able to resist you", he tells her softly, then wraps his arms around her waist and stands up with her; Emma clings to him and he carries her to his bedroom, to the bed in which she'd been sleeping alone for months, always wishing she could sleep in it with him.

They settle under the covers and he cradles her against him, his hand resting on her side, her fingers tracing patterns in his chest hair as she tries to stay awake so she can hold on to this feeling of completeness.

"Killian?"

"Hmm?" He murmurs and presses a kiss on the tip of her nose.

"I just want you to know… everything I know about love, I learned from you", Emma tells him, raising up on her elbow so she can kiss him, and his eyes are so blue and honest when he tells her that she was the one who had taught him.

Emma lies back down and sighs contentedly, finally exactly where she wants to be; now that he's holding her, she's not afraid of anything anymore.

The future is Killian and her together, and it's all that matters.

* * *

**Review?**


	16. Bumps in the Road

**Thank you for all the reviews, and without further ado, have another chapter.**

* * *

Emma is drifting between sleep and wakefulness, gradually becoming aware of her body and the fact that it's right next to Killian's. Her head is on his shoulder and her baby bump is pressed against his hip; every time he exhales she smiles because his breath fans her forehead, and every time she inhales she breathes him in like the very air.

She can touch, smell and hear him, but it's not enough; Emma needs to see him as well to make sure this isn't some wonderful, vivid dream, that last night wasn't just a figment of her imagination, that Killian is finally hers as completely as she'd been his for months.

And so, Emma Swan opens her eyes and sits up slowly, her eyes wandering over Killian's naked form, a lazy smile creeping over her lips when she notices the way a tiny frown creases his forehead, his hand tapping the bed and searching for her even though he's still asleep.

"I'm here", Emma murmurs, and when she takes his hand in hers his expression relaxes again, his head burrowing deeper into his pillow. Her fingers trace up the inside of his wrist and forearm, over the firmness of his bicep and shoulder, follow the line of his collarbone and tangle in his chest hair briefly before continuing down.

Killian sleeps on, the only sign that he's distantly aware of her ministrations a half-smile curving his pretty mouth; she realizes she could watch him sleep all day long and not get bored, but it's just the hormones.

Emma wants him awake, wants to talk to him and watch his eyes light up when he's excited or pleased about something.

She wants to do other, even more enjoyable activities with him too.

Her fingers continue her exploration, circling his navel and encountering his stump that's resting on his stomach, and as soon as she wraps her fingers around it, Killian starts fighting her, trying to pull it away.

"Don't-", he says and the sound of his own voice wakes him up; he blinks sleepily until his gaze focuses on her and she can see that's he still has to make a conscious effort to relax when she's touching him there.

"Good morning", Emma says and leans down to kiss him, deliberately letting go of his hand and not his stump because he needs to get over it, needs to let her touch it, not just be okay with her seeing it.

Killian slips his tongue in her mouth and she moans softly, her ever-present need for him instantly growing, her nails digging into his shoulder when he wraps his arm around her and sits up, urging her to straddle him.

If he's trying to distract her, it's working; both of her arms wrap around his shoulders when his fingers burn a trail over her thigh, his lips sucking her neck, her eyes closing at the sensation, and she's incredibly glad that it's a Sunday morning so he doesn't have to go to work.

"Look at me, lass", he says when his fingers start teasing her, her fingers digging into his shoulders as she squirms against him, catching her bottom lip with her teeth and shaking her head because she can't look, she can't speak, she can't do anything but feel. His fingers still and Emma frowns, finally opening her eyes and finding him look at her with such hunger in his blue gaze it makes fire race through her veins.

Unfortunately for him, it also makes her realize that he's keeping his stump carefully angled away from her body and she can't let him do that because he makes her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, and she wants him to know that she finds him beautiful too; _all _of him, what's there and what's not.

Emma keeps her eyes on his as she reaches behind and takes his stump, guiding it to rest against her side, then slowly tracing it up until it encounters the underside of her breast and she shivers in response.

"Touch me", she says, and Killian looks deeply stricken, licking his lips nervously before he speaks.

"Emma…", he starts, cuts himself off, then swallows and looks down before he continues. "You're like a goddess in human form, graceful and stunningly magnificent, and you shouldn't be touched with something as ugly as… that."

"It's not ugly, Killian", Emma tells him softly, tilting his head back up with a finger under his chin, but he still won't meet her eyes. "It's just different, and different isn't always bad."

Killian smiles faintly, and she knows he remembers telling her the same thing when she was freaking out about getting fat and her body changing.

"It's not the same thing."

"To me it is. That's what happens when you love somebody; the thing they can't stand about themselves becomes the thing you love the most", Emma says and it's only then that he looks at her, so many emotions flickering across his face she can't discern them all; there's wonder and surprise, then gratitude and doubt, until it finally settles into a look of tentative happiness.

"I love you, lass. I have loved you for a long time", he tells her, and when Emma cups his face with both of her hands to kiss him, his hand and stump move in tandem, the pressure rising until she explodes crying out his name.

* * *

Since she had spent the entire day in bed with Killian yesterday, Emma makes her Monday morning barre a little longer than usual, but even then her joints are protesting certain positions and making her feel frustrated.

When she finishes she's drenched in sweat and feeling simultaneously better and worse because she knows she shouldn't push herself so hard now that she's almost in her third trimester.

She showers and drinks a cherry frappe, and then there's a strange tightening in her belly that feels nothing like her baby kicking her. Emma grabs the counter for support, panic racing through her at the thought that she's going into labor. Her first impulse is to call Killian, and she's so breathless by the time he picks up that it takes her a few tries to speak and explain to him what's happening and how much she needs him to come home.

"Just breathe, love, I'm already on my way", he tells her, and even though he's trying to make his voice sound as calm as possible, it still trembles a little, but at least she's remembering how to breathe again.

She sits down on the floor with her back against the refrigerator and the phone pressed against her ear, listening to Killian talk to her, telling her exactly where he is and what he's doing, and by the time he enters the apartment and kneels in front her she feels fine again.

"Can you stand?" Killian asks her, offering her his hands and helping her up.

"I'm okay, it passed", she says, realizing that she'd been putting her baby in danger with her obsession with exercising.

"We're still going to the hospital to make sure everything is okay", Killian says firmly and leads her to the door, taking her bag from the closet in the hallway and ignoring her protests.

"What about your job?"

Killian just looks at her and locks the door behind them, not even bothering to tell her that she and the baby are much more important than taking a few hours off work, and it's then that it dawns on Emma what the fundamental difference between Neal and Killian is; where Neal was all about talking, Killian is all about doing.

Neal kept saying "I love you too", he kept telling her he's always there if she needs him, but he never was.

Killian says "I love you" even when she says it first and since the day they've met he'd never put anything or anybody ahead of her, and her only regret is that she hadn't noticed earlier.

If she had, than the baby in her belly might have been Killian's.

But then again, it's his in all the ways that matter, and Emma lets him take her to the hospital, feeling safe and sound under the shield of his love.

* * *

The doctor at the ER is thorough but gentle before he tells her that what she had experienced where just Braxton-Hicks contractions.

"Don't worry, daddy", he says to Killian, who can't stop smoothing his hand down Emma's arm, "both Emma and the baby are perfectly fine."

"Was it because of the sex? The Braxton thing?" Killian asks, and Emma blushes violently red, horrified because of the blunt way he's talking about it to a doctor that isn't even hers. You'd think that he'd be more British about the sex subject, but apparently he'd been in the States for too long.

"It has nothing to do with sex. Or any kind of exercise", the doctor says and Emma feels relieved that ballet didn't cause it after all, but knows she's still going to be extra careful from now on.

Killian just looks relieved in general and takes her hand in his, rubbing his thumb over the back of it and giving her a smile that makes her melt; it's incredible how somebody so devastatingly attractive can be so adorable and gentle at the same time.

They are on their way out of the hospital when Killian suddenly goes off to a kiosk and returns with another stuffed animal; the baby room is already filled with them and Emma had strictly forbidden his from buying any more at least until the baby is born.

"Look Swan, a swan", he tells her and offers her the latest addition to their son's menagerie and he looks so pleased with himself that Emma just lets it slide.

"I love you", she tells him, taking the swan and standing on tiptoes to kiss him.

"And I love you", he says, and she smiles.

She used to think that nothing in the world could feel better than being on stage and dancing, but now that he's holding her, she realizes she'd been wrong.

Loving somebody and having them love you back the way Killian loves her is better.

* * *

Emma starts leaving out her book with baby names in which she had marked about two dozen she likes but she wants him to help her narrow it down; she doesn't know how to start that conversation, so she hopes he's just going to read her mind and do it himself.

She can tell that he'd been thumbing through it because some of the post-its are disturbed when she goes looking, but it's only when she returns from the library unexpectedly early that she manages to surprise him with the book.

"Emma… You're back already", he says lamely and she drops on the couch next to him, giving him a quick kiss and putting her hand on the book opened on his knees when he tries to close it.

"I want you to help me pick a name", Emma tells him and he glances between her and the book, a teasing smile pulling at his lips.

"Oh you do? I had no idea", he murmurs and pushes her hair away from her shoulder so he can press a kiss upon her skin.

"You're hilarious. Have you ever thought about being a comedian?"

Killian chuckles and runs his tongue over her neck before nipping her skin gently, making her entire body sing in response.

"Did you like my choices?" Emma says slowly, her thoughts jumbling because of what he's doing to her, her fingers tangling in his hair and feebly trying to make him stop.

Who is she kidding? She never wants him to stop.

"I always like your choices, lass", he says and Emma runs her hand under his t-shirt, her fingers tracing over his ribs and around to the hard muscles of his back.

"But did you like any of them enough to name our baby with it?" She demands and he finally pulls away to look at her, then closes the book and scoops her in his lap.

"Promise you won't get mad?"

"Why would I get mad if you tell me your opinion?" Emma asks and rests her elbow on his shoulder, tracing the scar on his cheek with her finger.

"Promise you won't. I can't stand it when you're mad at me", he says and turns his head to press a kiss upon her palm as she tries to remember when had she ever been mad at him.

"I promise", she says, realizing that the last time she was actually properly mad at him was over a year ago when he had told her that she deserves a better partner than Neal, both on and off stage.

And boy was he right.

"I think there's nothing wrong with David, Henry, Matthew and the rest of the names you marked, but aren't they kind of generic?" He says tentatively, like he's still expecting her to knock him upside the head with the book lying on the coffee table.

"Oh God, they are, aren't they?" Emma exclaims, realizing only now that she'd subconsciously tried to figure out what her father's name was instead of finding one for her son.

"A bit, yeah", Killian says and caresses her stomach, smiling when the baby kicks. "I think we need a different book."

"I have a name for the new list that I don't need a book for", Emma tells him and Killian lifts his eyebrows comically before asking her what it is. "Logan."

"You mean-"

"After your grandfather", Emma tells him, and the more she thinks about it, the more she likes it.

Killian's grin makes him look so young when he tells her that he really likes that possibility.

"Good. Now go get me ice-cream", Emma says and he laughs, then dips her over and kisses her so thoroughly she forgets about both the food and the names.

"Don't you want to hear my ideas?"

"Of course I do, but ice-cream", Emma whines and Killian picks her up, carries her to the kitchen and sets her back down on the counter.

"I can talk about baby names and get you your ice-cream at the same time", Killian says and winks at her, opening the refrigerator and taking out a bucket of Haagen-Dazs.

"Gimme", Emma demands and he looks at her sternly, finds a bowl and a spoon and scoops a generous amount of ice-cream in it.

"Off the top of my head, I like Nathaniel, Connor and Ethan", Killian says and hands her the bowl; Emma sets it on the counter next to her and tugs on his necklace until he's standing in front of her.

"I like Killian the best", Emma tells him, her eyes suddenly swimming with tears.

"Hey, love, what's wrong?" He says, tracing her cheek with his thumb and looking at her with such gentleness that she can't keep the tears at bay. "It's okay if you don't like the names."

"I love the names. I'm just so happy", she tells him, and he pulls her into a hug, kissing the top of her head and telling her that she makes him happy, holding her and rubbing her back until her tears dry.

Emma kisses him and eats her melted ice-cream, wishing her hormones wouldn't make her so emotional over silly things and feeling so glad that Killian seems to understand and keeps loving her the same.

* * *

**Review?**


	17. Music and You

**This chapter is fluffy a lot, but the next is a bit angsty; you don't have to worry, though, because there's nothing and nobody that can separate them. Thanks for all the feedback, and enjoy!**

* * *

Going to sleep in Killian's arms and using him as a pillow all night long is something Emma had been dreaming about for a long time, and now that she's got it, she can't get enough of it. She loves how he grumbles that she's stealing all the covers and lets her have them anyway, she loves how he always wakes up before his alarm clock and how carefully he slides out of bed so as not to wake her, and how he always comes back to kiss her before he goes to work.

She loves him, and everything he does right is just a bonus.

On weekends they sleep in and go out for breakfast, and everything would be perfect if there wasn't for the fact that Killian is still giving the piano a wide berth; she'd been ready to play him her song for a few weeks now, but she still doesn't know how to bring up the subject. It's not just that she had salvaged his notes from the trash, she also went to numerous lessons to learn how to play the composition, and she doesn't think it's going to sit well with him.

Still, she feels that it would mean a lot to him that she did it, and decides that there's no better time than right now; it's a rainy Saturday afternoon and they don't have anything better to do than sit on the couch and watch DVDs.

"Killian?"

"Yes, love?"

"I need to tell you something", Emma starts tentatively, tracing her index finger in a circle over his knee, finding it hard to look at him because she's afraid of his reaction; she wants to help him, not make it worse.

"The longer you hesitate, the scarier are scenarios running through my head", he says and gives her a crooked smile when she lifts her head and meets his eyes. "You can tell me anything."

"Promise you won't get mad."

"I couldn't be mad at you even if I tried", he says and nudges her shoulder with his. "Out with it, lass."

"I found your composition", Emma says tentatively, and it's only because she's carefully watching his face that she sees a tiny flicker of pain in his eyes before it's gone.

"What did you do with it?" He asks her softly, and now he's the one avoiding her eyes.

"I learned how to play it", Emma says, and his eyebrows go up in surprise.

"You did what?"

"Victor taught me", Emma tells him, cupping his face and making him look at her. "I was hoping you'd play it with me."

"Emma, I can't-"

"Yes you can", Emma says gently but firmly, thinking that he just needs a little push and he's going to do it.

"Do you know why I threw it away?" He asks her and even though she can guess, Emma doesn't say anything, waiting for him to tell her. "Because I didn't want you to hear it if it wasn't me playing it."

"If you don't play it with me and teach me how to do it right, I'm never going to know how it's supposed to sound", Emma tells him and she can see he's fighting a smile.

"I thought you said Victor already taught you", he says, but he's getting up from the couch and offering her his hand so she can lever herself up too.

"Victor and his choppy playing", Emma murmurs and Killian chuckles, then leads her to the piano. They sit next to each other on the bench and he gives her an encouraging smile, bringing her shaking hand to his lips and kissing it, his eyes telling her that it's okay.

"Go on", he says, pointing his chin toward the piano. "Show me what you know."

Emma presses her face against his shoulder, suddenly too embarrassed to even try.

"Come on, love. I bet you're better than Victor", Killian says and Emma tilts her head back to look at him.

"I'm not better than Victor."

"I think you are", he tells her, placing her hand on the keyboard and covering her fingers with his. "Play. Play for me."

Killian brushes her hair behind her shoulders and Emma takes a deep breath, laying her left hand on the keyboard too and finally starting to play. As soon as she does, she gets lost in the music, feeling every note in that place deep inside her where she loves him the most, because when she plays, she can feel all the love that he had put into that composition, and because it's so special, because it's just for her, she thinks that there's no more beautiful melody in the whole world.

When the song ends Emma just sits there, unable to even look at Killian because she can't bear the possibility of seeing disappointment on his face.

"You are a marvel", Killian says, his voice thick with emotion, and Emma doesn't know whether to laugh or cry, so she settles on crawling in his lap and wrapping her arms around him as tightly as she can.

"I'm so glad you don't think I suck", she tells him, his blue eyes dancing with joy when she finally dares to look at him.

"You were bloody brilliant", he tells her, then puts his right hand on the keys. "Ready to try it with me?"

Emma nods and puts her left hand next to his, and then they play.

* * *

On Sunday, Emma doesn't wake up to Killian's kiss but to the sound of the piano. She lays in bed for a long time, just listening to him play and smiling because it seems that what they did yesterday shifted something inside him and made him focus on what he can do, not on what he can't.

There are a lot of things Killian Jones can do with just one hand.

When the music stops Emma gets out of bed and goes to the living room where she finds Killian sitting at the piano and writing notes in a notebook balanced on his knee.

"Morning", Emma says, coming closer and peering over his shoulder. "What's that?"

"Morning, love", he says, turning his head so she can give him a kiss. "It's something new."

"I can see that, but what?" Emma asks, beaming at him when he laughs.

"So impatient", Killian murmurs and pulls her down in his lap, the notebook falling on the floor. "Just listen."

The composition is soothing and simpler than the one he wrote for her, and despite the fact that this one is just for one hand, it still sounds incredible, and Emma feels so proud of him she'd kiss him senseless if she wasn't afraid of breaking his concentration.

"What's it called?" She asks him when he finishes and he gives her his beautiful smile and tells her it doesn't have a name yet. "Why not?"

"Because we still haven't picked the baby's name", he says, and Emma beams at him. "It's a lullaby, you see."

"I think he likes it, but he doesn't think it's a lullaby at all", Emma says, looking down at her baby bump.

"What do you mean?" Killian asks and Emma takes his stump and puts it against her stomach.

"Play it again and you'll feel it."

As soon as Killian starts playing, the baby starts dancing, little feet kicking until the song ends, and there's such wonder on Killian's face that she can't help a few tears escaping her.

"I think he's going to be a dancer like his mother", Killian says softly, and Emma shakes her head, kisses him, and whispers against his lips:

"I think he's going to be a musician like his father."

* * *

Emma can't get enough of Killian. She thinks it would be the case even if she wasn't pregnant and so incredibly horny, but she is, and it's getting ridiculous. Killian finds it amusing and doesn't mind it that she keeps ambushing him and tugging his button-down shirts open so forcefully that buttons fly in all directions.

"Maybe I should stop wearing a shirt altogether when I'm home", Killian teases her as they lie on the couch, noses pressed together and arms wrapped around each other tightly because there's not much room with Emma's stomach in the way.

"It would make it worse", Emma tells him and he laughs; she catches sight of haphazardly discarded clothes on the floor, and hides her burning face in the crook of his neck, breathing him in and wishing she could freeze time and never let him go.

"When is your appointment at the company?" Killian asks her, his fingers tracing up and down her side, sending shivers down her spine and making her groan because it's not fair that such a simple touch makes her go crazy so quickly.

"Wednesday at 3 p.m.", Emma tells him, then hesitates and pulls back to look at him. "What if they see me and realize they've rushed into it and that they don't want me anymore? What if they think I put on too much weight?"

"That's not going to happen, lass. They wanted you for years but they never thought you'd leave Gold's company, so they won't let you go now you're within they grasp", Killian tells her, his arms tightening around her, and she realizes that he's not talking about the company anymore.

"I don't want you to ever let me go", Emma says, pushing her leg between his and turning her head to kiss his arm.

"You don't have to worry about that", he says softly, and Emma frowns because he suddenly looks sad and wistful. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I'm never going to let go of you, but what if… what if Neal comes back for you and wants to take care of you and the baby?" Killian asks her, and Emma shakes her head in time with his words, cupping his face and kissing that scar under his right eye, the love she feels for him almost choking her with its intensity.

"Neal doesn't have any right to come back for me or the baby; I love you, and as far as I'm concerned the baby is yours", Emma says, her insides turning at the thought of Neal trying to separate her from Killian. "Tell me you won't let him come between us."

"As long as you want me here, I'm not going to let anything come between us", Killian says and Emma believes every word.

"I always want you", she says and he raises an eyebrow, sneaks his hand between them and ignites her once again.

* * *

Killian kisses her and tells her that everything is going to be alright, that her meeting is going to go amazingly well because she's amazing; Emma smiles at him and blinks sleepily as he presses a kiss against her stomach.

"See you when you're done", he says and leaves, and there's something about his smile that makes Emma think he's up to something.

She discovers what it is as soon as she clambers out of bed and goes to shower; there's a post-it tacked to the mirror with a message from Killian that reads: _you are magnificent_. Emma smiles to herself and when she looks at her reflection in the mirror she barely recognizes the woman looking back at her; she looks utterly happy and so very loved.

It turns out that there's a post-it message in all the rooms in the apartment, and they vary from simple _I love you_ to _you're the most beautiful woman in the world_, but her favorite is the one on top of a brand new piece of sheet music, telling her that he's going to play it for her as soon as they get home.

Emma smiles and realizes she's not afraid of anything anymore.

* * *

Just as Killian had predicted, her meeting goes fine and she's practically floating to Killian's office because her future is not uncertain at all anymore; she's got a company and she's got a man who loves her and their baby more than anyone deserves.

Killian is waiting for her in front of his building; he's leaning against his Camaro, wearing his usual jeans and a button down shirt, and as soon as he sees her his face splits into a big grin, his arms spreading to catch her when she flings herself at him.

"I'm in", Emma exclaims and kisses him, wrapping herself around him and feeling like she might burst with excitement; this time next year she's going to be on stage and nobody can take that away from her.

"I'm not going to say 'I told you so'", Killian says and twirls her around, laughing with her when he sets her down on her feet again.

"I think you just did", Emma tells him and he wiggles his eyebrows at her, his blue eyes sparkling when he asks her if she found his messages.

"I did. All twenty of them", Emma says as he opens the car door for her, then tilts his head to the side and gives her an amused smile.

"There were twenty-seven", Killian tells her and winks before he goes around the car and gets behind the wheel.

"Is there a reason that there were twenty-seven of them?" Emma asks and covers his hand on the gear shift with hers.

"That's how long I've known you. Twenty-seven months", he answers and Emma feels guilty for not making the connection.

"Are you one of those guys who will remember what I was wearing when he first saw me for the rest of his life?"

"You were wearing black leggings, a black leotard and white skirt thingy", he tells her, his voice caressing her just like his thumb on the back of her hand is. "And red leg warmers."

"You were wearing jeans, a gray t-shirt, and you had your jacket slung over your shoulder… I'm surprised half of the ballerinas didn't faint", Emma tells him and he looks so adorably pleased with himself.

"I can't help it that I'm this hot", Killian says and Emma laughs, happy that he didn't use past tense; it seems that the music had brought back his confidence too, and that he doesn't see himself as less anymore.

"You could tone it down a bit there, hotshot", Emma says, walking her fingers up his forearm and wrapping them around his bicep.

"How am I supposed to do that?"

Emma laughs and doesn't say anything because she really doesn't know.

When they get home Emma drags him straight to the piano and leans against it, placing the sheet music against its holder and telling him to play.

"Don't I get a kiss first?" Killian pouts prettily and Emma gives him a quick peck on the cheek, then pulls away and looks at him expectantly.

He smiles to himself and starts playing, music washing over her as she watches him, and the look on his face is something she had never expected to see again when she first went into his hospital room and saw what Gold did; it's elation and joy and _peace_, and when he meets her eyes, she reads all his feelings in their blue depths.

"I'm glad you made me keep the piano", he tells her softly when he finishes playing and Emma smiles, infinitely glad that she did.

"You're welcome."

* * *

**Review?**


	18. Always By Your Side

**A couple of you had asked if detective Booth is a nod to Bones, but it's actually August W. Booth; I kinda like adding random Once characters into this story... Another familiar face appears in today's chapter. Thank you for reading and reviewing, and enjoy.**

* * *

Despite everything that has happened, Emma can't remember ever being this happy, and sometimes when she catches Killian looking at her from across the room with the kind of smile that's reserved for the most beautiful things, she thinks that maybe he'd never been this happy either.

She brought him back his sheet music from Victor and he hadn't stopped composing since that first lullaby for their baby, and for two whole weeks every day feels like a dream, and nights are filled with making love and not a single nightmare.

And then detective Booth calls and asks Emma to tell Killian that Gold's trial is starting on Monday and that he should be there.

"Is he going to testify?" Emma asks, knowing that no matter what, Killian's peace is going to be ruined until the trial ends and Gold goes to jail.

She doesn't even want to think about the alternative.

"Probably not, but if you're hoping for a conviction, he should be there. Preferably without the fake hand", the detective says and Emma spends the rest of the day trying to figure out how to tell Killian.

When he comes in a few hours later Emma is in the kitchen making dinner, and she sighs and relaxes against him when he wraps his arms around her from behind, his hand caressing her stomach.

"How's the little one?" Killian asks, his lips brushing against Emma's neck and sending a shiver down her spine.

"He's okay… We really ought to narrow the list down already", Emma says, glancing at the fridge where there are still eight possible baby names proudly displayed.

"We've got time", Killian chuckles, his nose tracing over her collarbone. "Damn you smell good, lass."

"I smell like dinner. How hungry are you?"

"I'm very hungry… For you", he adds and makes her wish she could postpone telling him about the trial so he will stay in a good mood a little bit longer.

"Detective Booth called", Emma says and turns around to face Killian; his blue eyes change instantly, going from summer sky the color of corn flower to deep stormy blue in a split second.

"The trial?"

"Yeah. He wants you there", Emma says, biting her lip because she'd rather not say the next part. "Without the prosthetic."

Killian scowls heavily and glances at his fake hand, then back at Emma.

"He wants the jury to pity me", he says, and it's not a question.

"He wants Gold locked up", Emma tells him, then cups his face in her hand and makes him meet her eyes. "But nobody is going to think less of you if you don't show up."

Killian laughs, but it's a dark sound that chills her to the bone.

"And risk not getting that bastard sentenced? I'll be there however Booth wants me to be", he says and kisses her forehead before leaving her to finish cooking. A minute later there's music coming from the living room, but Killian is hitting the keys with a little too much force so it doesn't sound right and after a while he just quits.

Emma hates this, hates that she can't find the words that would make him okay, but most of all she hates Gold and hopes he's going to get the maximum sentence.

She doesn't know anybody who deserves it more than he does for breaking Killian's spirit and very nearly taking his life.

* * *

Killian is having a nightmare again; it's been months since he woke her up because he was yelling in his sleep, and she knows it's because of the trial that's starting tomorrow… well, today, because the clock on Killian's nightstand says it's 3 a.m.

"Wake up", Emma tells him softly and shakes his shoulder, stretching over him and turning on the lamp as soon as his eyes open. "It was just a nightmare."

"He walked free and tried to hurt you and the baby", Killian says, and Emma shakes her head, leaning down and kissing him to make him stop thinking about his dream.

"We're fine, and he's not getting away with it", Emma says with more conviction than she feels and kisses his again, but he isn't really kissing her back so she pulls away, frowning when she realizes he's gritting his teeth.

"Are you in pain?"

"It's my hand… it's like it's on fire", he says, and for a moment she doesn't understand, but then she realizes he's rubbing his stump against his thigh and it just clicks; it's phantom pain.

"Can I do anything?"

"Last time you started crying and used me as a pillow, and that was enough distraction to make it stop hurting", he tells her with a faint smile and Emma remembers the first night after he'd gotten home, and how she thought it was just nightmares bothering him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asks him softly and lies down with her head against his shoulder, wrapping her fingers around his stump and caressing the scar with her thumb.

"I couldn't really talk about it back then", Killian says, his hand going up and down her side slowly, as if he's lost in memories and not really there with her. "I couldn't really look at it back then either."

Emma doesn't know what to say to that, so she says nothing and lets him talk.

"When I was still in the hospital and you'd leave for the day, I used to lay in bed staring at the ceiling, telling myself it's not that bad, because what's losing a hand compared to losing your life? So I'd spend hours talking myself into looking at what was left, telling myself that I remember it wrong, that it's not the end of the world, and I'd manage to convince myself…", he trails off and Emma closes her eyes, wishing he wouldn't go on, but knowing he has to say it and she has to let him. "And then I'd look, and well… it was worse than I had remembered."

"It's not that bad", Emma tells him for probably the hundredth time and he chuckles mirthlessly, rising his eyebrow when she tilts her head back and looks at him.

"You're obligated to say that."

"No I'm not."

"You're biased."

"Yeah… maybe a little", Emma relents and presses a kiss against his stump. "But it doesn't mean that you're not thinking it's worse than it is."

* * *

Emma and Killian show up at the courthouse on time, her fingers firmly entwined with his.

"No hand, good", detective Booth says and Emma glares at him. "You know what I mean."

Killian just clenches his jaw and they follow him inside, where he introduces them to the prosecutor, Graham Humbert.

Since Killian has to sit with him at the table, Emma chooses a seat in the first row behind him, her insides tied into knots because she's suddenly afraid, and she really doesn't want Gold to see her baby bump. As if sensing her uneasiness, Killian turns around and gives her a reassuring smile, and she leans over the divider separating them and squeezes his shoulder because she's here to offer him support, not the other way around.

When they lead Gold into the courtroom, Emma covers her belly with her hands protectively, and the baby won't stop kicking her because he's sensing her uneasiness, so she makes an effort to calm down. Gold isn't looking anywhere but at the floor, and his limp seems much more pronounced than it usually is; she guesses he's trying to appear harmless, and judging by the way the jury is looking at him, it might be working.

For the first time Emma realizes that they could lose and that Gold could go free.

After opening statements are finished, the defense calls Milah to stand, but she's not there. Gold looks pissed and is trying to hide it, but he's not very successful. Emma looks at Killian and wishes this day could be over so they can crawl into bed together and go back to making love.

Apparently, Milah is Gold's only witness, and Graham calls to stand one of the men who had attacked Killian; it's the first time Emma sees him and she shivers, his cold, calculating eyes boring into her even across the courtroom.

Killian shifts in his seat and she can see his tension in the way he's holding himself, his knee bouncing nervously up and down under the table.

Emma keeps watching the jury, trying to read their faces and figure out if they believe that Gold is guilty for what had happened to Killian.

Some of them don't look convinced with the testimony of a hardened criminal and frankly, Emma can't blame them.

The judge calls recess for lunch and Emma makes her way out of her row, Killian's arm wrapping around her waist as soon as he reaches her.

"Do you want me to take you home?" He asks her, his hand caressing her stomach, his worry clearly evident in his touch.

"I'm not leaving you", Emma says, kissing him briefly and covering his hand with hers. "We're fine."

"I can do it alone", Killian tells her and she shakes her head, tugging him toward the door because she's hungry and her stomach is rebelling.

"I don't want you to do it alone", she says and then they go find something to eat.

* * *

Milah is standing in front of the courtroom, starting toward Killian as soon as he and Emma clear the doorway. His steps falter and he pulls Emma closer, Milah's smile dying on her lips when she realizes that the two of them aren't just friends anymore.

"Can I talk to you?" She asks Killian, her long hair falling over her delicate shoulder, and suddenly Emma feels like a short elephant; she can't help comparing herself to Milah even though a part of her knows it's ridiculous since Emma is pregnant and Milah is not.

"You made it pretty clear that you don't want anything to do with me a long time ago", Killian tells her and Emma presses her lips together; she's grateful that Milah didn't testify for Gold, and even though she knows things might have turned differently if she had stuck with Killian, Emma still can't forgive her for the way she left him when he needed her most.

"I want to testify against him", Milah says, her voice almost desperate, as if she'd say anything just to get another chance with Killian. Emma doesn't know what her deal is, but she feels threatened.

"So testify against him. There's the prosecutor, go talk to him", Killian tells her, pointing with his chin across the hall at Graham.

Milah glances down at where Killian's hand should be, and her eyes flicker to Emma's for the first time since she'd seen her today. Emma returns her stare defiantly, reading the question in her eyes as if she'd said it out loud; _how can you accept it_?

"I'm sorry", Milah says to nobody in particular, then flees to talk to Graham.

Emma's eyes narrow as she watches her give Graham a sheepish smile, and she can't believe anybody can be that fake.

"What just happened?" Killian asks in confusion and Emma shrugs.

"I guess she realized that you're taken", she tells him, leaning against him and wrapping both arms around his waist.

"She looked scared", Killian says and kisses the top of Emma's head.

"I think she read my murderous intentions in my eyes", Emma says absentmindedly, relieved that Milah had backed off Killian; it's a bittersweet victory because the same thing sent her away as it did when Killian was still in the hospital.

Milah doesn't know how to deal with the fact that Killian's hand is gone.

"You'd beat her up for me?" Killian asks her and chuckles, for the first time today looking down at her with a real smile. "That's really sweet, lass."

"Oh shut up", Emma says and beams at him, following him into the courtroom and feeling a little more confident that Gold is going to go to jail now that Milah is testifying against him.

* * *

The trial lasts for that entire week and neither Emma nor Killian sleep much, but thankfully, on Friday morning the jury finds Gold guilty of attempted murder and Emma finally feels like she can breathe again.

Killian doesn't waste time going around to get to her; he just climbs over the divider and pulls her into a hug. He's shaking and his face is pressed against her neck, his lips moving without making a sound, and Emma tries to decipher the message, her hand rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"I can't hear you", she finally whispers against his ear and he takes a deep breath, then pulls away and cups her face in his hand, his eyes locking on hers before he says it again.

"You're safe."

"We've always been safe with you", Emma tells him because even though it's not strictly true, it's how she had felt all along.

Killian wipes away a tear that slides down her cheek and kisses her, and then they walk out of the courtroom the way they had entered it five days ago; holding hands.

* * *

On Saturday they sleep in and then stay in bed all day, beyond relieved that uncertainty is over, that Gold if firmly locked up and that he's not coming out anytime soon. Emma had skipped her morning barre every day this week but she can't bring herself to care, and besides, sex counts as exercise too.

"I can't believe that Neal didn't even bother to show up for his father's trial", Emma says, then bites her lip when Killian's fingers stop in their exploration of her body.

"You wanted to see him", Killian says, and Emma shakes her head vehemently.

"No! I was glad he didn't show up. I just don't understand why, because no matter what Gold did, he's still his father."

"Would you forgive your father for abandoning you and be there for him if he needed you?" Killian asks her gently, his hand smoothing over her thigh.

"That's not the same, because Gold had never harmed him in any way. If anything, he was too soft", Emma says, a little gasp escaping her when Killian's hand ventures higher.

"Can we not talk about them when I'm trying to turn you on?" Killian asks her and she opens her eyes to find him smirking at her.

"Trying?" Emma says, her legs opening wider, her breath hitching in her throat when he leans down and presses a kiss against her hip. "I'd say you're succeeding."

"Oh you would?" Killian murmurs and Emma can only nod in agreement because she can't find her voice anywhere. "What was that, lass?"

"I would", Emma moans, her fingers tangling in his hair and her hips bucking up, her skin singing everywhere he kisses her.

"I'm very glad to head that", Killian whispers and Emma's eyes drift closed as she focuses only on the touch of his hand and the feel of his lips upon her.

* * *

**Review?**


	19. What a Father Does

**Here you go, you little angst-lovers; something to counterbalance all that fluff. I hope you enjoy, and thank you to everybody who reviewed so far, every e-mail notification makes me really happy!**

* * *

The bed is cold and empty and there's banging coming from the kitchen. Emma sits up and pushes hair out of her eyes, calling Killian's name; he doesn't respond, so she gets up and goes to find him.

"What are you doing?" She asks sleepily, blinking in the harsh light when she reaches the kitchen.

"Emma… I didn't mean to wake you", he says, and Emma realizes he'd been attempting to baby-proof the cupboards.

"It's the middle of the night. Why are you doing this now?" She asks, opening the fridge and looking for something to eat, than thinks better of it and realizes she's not really hungry.

"The baby is coming soon", Killian tells her as if that makes all the sense in the world and Emma comes closer to him, taking the hammer from his hand and laying it on the kitchen table.

"He won't be able to start snooping around for at least seven months after he's born", Emma says, entwining her fingers with his and tracing his full bottom lip with her thumb. "Come back to bed."

"No, I need to do this now. Have you seen my hand? I don't remember where I left it", Killian says and Emma wonders if he had slept at all tonight.

"I think it's under the bed", Emma lies and he nods to himself and follows her obediently back to their bedroom. She smiles to herself and looks at his drooping eyes, knowing he's going to be asleep even before his head touches the pillow.

When they reach their room Killian sits on the edge of the bed and Emma pushes him down gently, his hand losing the grip on hers as he settles down.

"I love you", he murmurs and just as she had predicted, he's already breathing deeply by the time she gets into bed with him.

"I love you", Emma tells him anyway, kissing his cheek and going back to sleep too.

* * *

"I should find a better job", Killian says as soon as he comes into the living room, then takes off his jacket and sits on the couch, gathering Emma's legs in his lap. She'd been making a list of all the things they still need to do or buy before the baby is born and she sets it on the coffee table, shaking her head at Killian.

"We'll be fine", she says, sighing when he starts massaging her feet and thinking how wonderful it is to have somebody who would do everything to make you feel better without you even asking them to.

"What if I'm a bad father?" Killian says faintly, and it's completely unrelated to the previous subject that for a moment Emma just lies there trying to figure out what's going on. "What if the baby senses that I wasn't the one that made him and doesn't like me?"

Emma outstretches her hand and he pulls her up; her arms wrap around his shoulders and she looks him in the eye and tells him that it's not possible that the baby won't like him.

"How do you know?"

"Because babies only care about love, and you've been showering ours with it since the day he started kicking, so trust me, the baby is going to like you."

"I know he's not really mine, but I can't help feeling like he is", Killian tells her, caressing her baby bump with his hand and smiling when the baby kicks.

"He is yours in all the ways that matter", Emma says softly, laying her hand over his and unconsciously comparing their sizes; she'd always loved his long, graceful fingers, but she finds that she loves them best when he touches her stomach because he's doing it with such reverence, such adoration, that she's fairly certain their baby can already feel all the power of his love.

"When the time comes, will you write my name under "father" on the birth certificate?" He asks her softly, like he's not quite sure if he should demand such a thing.

"I will", Emma tells him simply, and his smile is the most beautiful thing in the world.

"I'm never going to let either of you down", he says and Emma believes him with every fiber of her being; Neal had made her question love and trust, but Killian took all her pain and made her new again, made her believe in happy endings and real-life fairytales.

"I know", she says and pulls him in for a kiss, thanking her lucky stars that he was there for her when she needed somebody the most.

Thanking them that it was Killian picking up the pieces and putting her back together.

* * *

Emma is in a store looking at mobiles, trying to decide if she wants the expensive one that has an USB port and can play any song you want, or the cheaper version that plays "Twinkle twinkle little star" when you turn it on.

Her savings are wearing thin and even though Killian's job pays fine, she's inclined to agree with him that they are going to need more money once the baby is born; she guesses she's just going to have to go back to dancing as soon as she recovers from delivery.

It's ironic that a couple of months ago she couldn't wait to get back to dancing, and now she can't imagine leaving her baby with a babysitter so she can go to classes.

The insistent ringing of her cell phone pulls her out of her reverie and she fishes it out of her bag, smiling when she sees Killian's name on the screen.

"Hey handsome", she says and watches the mobile spin around, deciding she can buy the cheaper version and disable the song since Killian is going to play lullabies for their baby anyway.

"Hey beautiful", he says, his voice sending a shiver down her spine, the intensity of her emotions scaring her just a little bit because she had never felt like that with Neal.

"Missed me already?" Emma says because she had missed him; it's hard saying goodbye each morning when he goes to work, and she gets the feeling it's only going to get harder.

"I always miss you, lass, but that's not why I'm calling", he says and there's something in his voice that makes her a little uneasy.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, but I'll be a little late today", Killian tells her and Emma hesitates, not wanting to press him if he doesn't want to tell her why. "I'm going to go see my father and ask him if grandpa left me anything else except the piano."

Emma's eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

"I thought you hadn't talked to him in years."

"I hadn't, but I think it's time to face the music, so to speak", Killian says and it's the final confirmation that he cares about her more than Neal ever did, and yet, it still manages to throw her a little that somebody could love her this much.

"I love you", Emma tells him, the words rolling off her tongue so easily, her smile growing wider because she can imagine the look on his face when he hears it.

"And I love you… More than you can imagine", Killian says and after they hang up Emma stands motionless for a few moments, his voice ringing in her ears as she wonders how did she get so lucky.

And then she takes the cheaper mobile and goes to pay for it.

* * *

Killian stands in front of the building his father works in, gathering his courage to walk inside; the place looks abandoned for the day, but he knows he's going to find him in the same office he'd been occupying since Killian was a child, in the corner of the topmost floor, with a breathtaking view of the ocean Aidan Jones never cared much about.

Killian feels incredibly tense and nervous, and he'd rather be anywhere else but here, he'd do anything rather than asking his father for money, but he wants to give Emma and the baby the world, and at the moment this is the only way.

"Killian!" Mrs. Stevenson exclaims and jumps up from behind her table in front of his father's office, hugging him tightly and then pulling back to look him over. "You're all grown up."

"It's been quite a while since you've seen me last", Killian tells her mildly, still remembering the day he stormed out of this very office when he was nineteen years old and his father had told him that being a musician is not worthy of the Jones line.

"I told him he should go visit you in the hospital, or at least send a card, but he refused", Mrs. Stevenson says, and she's the first person after Emma who doesn't treat him any differently because of his missing hand.

"He told me I shouldn't come back until I got that stupid notion of being a concert pianist out of my head", Killian says, and his stomach still drops when he thinks how he's never going to play the piano with both hands.

"He's going to give you a hard time", she tells him bluntly, and Killian shrugs.

"Didn't really expect anything different from the old man", he says and goes to knock on his father's door.

"Come in", comes a stern reply and Killian opens the door and slips inside.

"Hello, father", he says softly, and waits until his father tears his eyes from the papers on the table and gives him some attention.

"The prodigal son returns", Aidan Jones says and the impulse to turn on his heel and just walk away is already almost too strong for Killian to fight, but he manages to stay exactly where he is. "Took you long enough."

"Yes, well… I was busy playing", Killian says and gets a perverse sense of satisfaction from the way his father glances at his fake hand. He looks old and tired, but his eyes are still sharp when they meet Killian's briefly before he looks away.

Apparently, he still can't look at his son without seeing his dead wife.

"So that's it? You're broke so you come crawling back to me?"

"I'm not broke, but I could use a little help", Killian says as calmly as he can, refusing to go back to Emma until he's certain he'd tried everything to make his father cooperate.

"For what, if you don't mind me asking?"

The fact that his father sounds mildly interested is more than Killian had hoped for, so he tells him everything about Emma, how beautiful and wonderful she is, how much he loves her and how he wants to take care of her and the baby.

"You're aware of the fact that she's just using you, right?" His father says and leans back in his chair, looking at him like he can't quite believe that a son of his can be this daft.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. She'd be out in the street if it wasn't for you, and she's going to pretend she loves you too as long as she needs you, which probably won't he for much longer after she goes back to dancing."

Killian is so stunned he just stands there gaping for a few moments, opening and closing his mouth and trying to find the words to explain to his father that he's got it all wrong.

"You don't know Emma", he finally says, hating the way his voice gets so soft because it sounds like he's uncertain too, and that's the farthest thing from the truth.

"I know women, and I know for a fact that they look for just one thing; stability. For the moment that's with you, but make no mistake, as soon as she's working again she's not going to waste time with somebody like you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Killian asks him, and even though he's got a feeling that he knows what his father is going to say next, he still hopes he's wrong.

"You lost a hand, son. I can't really buy some pretty little ballerina going for that."

Killian closes his eyes and grits his teeth, realizing that his father is not going to give him anything, no matter how much abuse he takes.

"I'm sorry I came here", Killian says and turns around to go, and even though he knows Emma genuinely loves him, his father's words still sting horribly because sometimes he's having the same doubts; why would such a flawless ballerina be with a handless ex-pianist?

"I'm not giving you money, Killian", his father says and Killian shoots him a tired smile over his shoulder.

"I gathered as much."

"But I'm going to give you access to the inheritance your grandfather left you."

Killian turns around slowly, trying not to get his hopes up because there could be some kind of blackmail still waiting for him.

"I'd tell you not to share it with that ballerina of yours, but it wouldn't do much good, so I'm not going to waste my breath."

Ten minutes later Killian is walking out of the building, a piece of paper with an account number with more money on it that he, Emma and their son would ever need burning in his pocket.

* * *

Emma is turning from side to side and looking at her baby bump in the full-length mirror in the hallway until her eyes catch on Neal's keychain that is still hanging around her neck. Her fist closes around it and she tugs gently, but then she hesitates; she still can't make herself let it go.

She tells herself that it's just a trinket that's not harming anybody and so she leaves it hanging around her neck.

Killian unlocks the door and she turns around, guiltily letting go of the keychain, but judging by the look in Killian's eyes, it's already too late; he'd seen her holding it and he drew all the wrong conclusions.

"I thought I told you no more stuffed animals? What are we gonna do with that monstrosity?" Emma asks him, coming closer and frowning at the biggest teddy bear she'd ever seen that he's holding under his arm.

Killian's eyes are still on the keychain around her neck and he hands her the teddy bear without saying a word and reaches for the door knob again.

"Killian? Where are you going? What happened?" Emma asks, setting the teddy bear on the floor and reaching out her hand to stop him from leaving, her fingers wrapping around his elbow and tugging until he turns around.

"Why are you still wearing the keychain?" Killian asks her, and her stomach drops because the look in his eyes makes her wonder if Killian's father had said something against her, and this is about that, and not Neal and the keychain still hanging around her neck.

"I told you-", Emma starts to say but suddenly tears are choking her because Killian looks so heartbroken, so utterly hopeless that she can't find the words to tell him Neal doesn't mean anything to her anymore.

"You're still holding onto him, hoping he will come back for you and help you raise your baby", Killian says, his fingers touching the keychain gently, and it hurts her so much that he could even think that.

"It's our baby", Emma finally finds her voice, brushing away her tears angrily. "Your baby."

"I wish it was, Emma. You can't even imagine how much", Killian tells her, then takes a step back toward the door and her hand falls from his arm because she realizes that she has to let him go and sort this out on his own. "Turns out my grandfather had left me more money than I would ever need, so you don't have to worry about anything. I'll take care of you until… until you figure out what you want."

"I don't care about money, Killian. I just want you", Emma tells him, her voice breaking because there has never been such distance between them, and she can see that her words don't really penetrate; Killian is staring at his feet, his real hand clutching his fake one as if he wants to crush it into nothing.

When he finally looks up at her, he doesn't comment on her admission, just takes her hand and tugs her closer, kisses her forehead and tells her that he's going for a walk and that she shouldn't wait up for him.

"Please don't go", Emma whispers, tears spilling down her cheeks again; she hopes it's going to be enough to stop him, because he never could bear seeing her cry; cold panic runs through her at the thought that he's going to go and never really return, that this is where their relationship ends.

"I will come back", Killian tells her and gives her a sad smile before the door closes after him and she's left standing in the hallway; Emma sits down next to the teddy bear and buries her face in his warm fur, a thousand things she could've said circling around her head now that it's too late.

Killian had broken his promise and let Neal come between them, and she didn't do anything to stop it from happening.

* * *

**Review?**


	20. That's How Love Moves

**Have some more angst, and a little more fluff, and thanks for all the reviews!**

* * *

Emma jerks awake because she could swear that she had heard Killian calling her name, but it turns out it was just a dream. She's still in the hallway, her back killing her because she'd been using the teddy bear Killian had bought as a pillow and the floor is unforgiving.

The apartment is dark and eerily quiet, and Emma gets to her feet slowly, dragging the teddy bear after her and feeling the icy fingers of fear ghost down her spine when she realizes it's well past 2 a.m. and Killian is still not back.

Emma checks her phone and debates whether to call him or not, but decides not to because she wants him to figure this out on his own before he comes back and she can tell him that she loves him, and not Neal.

Before she tells him that she had already picked him, and that the keychain doesn't mean anything to her; she's ready to take it off if it's going to help him believe her.

She can't help wondering about what had happened when Killian went to see his father, what did they talk about and why did Killian's eyes look so haunted before he closed the door and left her.

Why did he think that she still needs time to figure out her feelings.

Emma doesn't feel like either eating or sleeping, which is a miracle in itself, but not really surprising considering the fact that it's the middle of the night and she has no idea where Killian is, so she sits at the piano and plays her song until her eyes start closing.

The phone is still silent and she leaves it in the living room out of spite, crawls into their bed and tells herself she's not going to cry.

It's not the end of the world that she's sleeping alone tonight, because Killian had promised that he'd come back, and all she can do now is believe.

If there's just one thing she's entirely sure of, it's that he loves her, and that there's nothing that can stop him from returning, if just to make sure she's okay.

* * *

Emma's hand searches for Killian although she can tell that he's not there even with her eyes closed. The morning light is harsh, almost blinding her, and she stumbles out of bed and goes to the living room to check her phone; there are no missed calls.

"Where are you?" Emma asks the empty room and dials Killian's number, but her call goes straight to voice mail and she's physically sick with worry.

The only time Killian hadn't answered her call was when he was attacked and almost bled to death in a back alley across the city from her.

Emma doesn't know what to do now; she's desperately trying not to overreact and slow down her hammering heart because her son is kicking her, sensing her mood.

"Shhh", Emma murmurs and lays her hand on her stomach, takes a deep breath and then dials Victor's number.

It turns out Victor hadn't seen Killian since last week, and when Emma hangs up her hands are shaking so bad that the phone falls on the floor; a horrible sense of déjà vu overcomes her but she forces herself to ignore it and tries to figure out her next move.

"Please be okay", Emma whispers as she dials Killian again, but just like last time, nobody answers. With a heavy sigh she goes to make herself breakfast, keeping the phone close and willing it to ring; when it does, she drops the spoon in her cereal and answers in record time.

"Killian?"

"I'm okay, lass", he says, and Emma slumps down on the bar stool and presses her hand to her mouth, tears burning her sinuses.

"Where have you been?" She cries out and takes a deep breath, finally able to breathe again.

"I got arrested", Killian says sheepishly and that's about the last thing she had expected to hear.

"Why?"

"I got into a fight with Greg", he tells her and she shakes her head, remembering those two times she had to go bail him out before, remembering how annoyed she was.

Today she's just frightened and so very glad that he's okay.

"Will you come get me?" He asks her softly, like he's not really expecting her to do it after last night, her heart breaking because he's doubting her like this.

"Of course I will", Emma tells him, and he breathes out a soft sigh of relief. "Same precinct?"

"Yes. Emma-"

"We'll talk when we get home", Emma cuts him off and hangs up before he can say anything else.

And then she goes to take a shower because he deserves to wait for her because of what he had put her through last night.

* * *

Emma pays the bail and nods tightly when the cop behind the counter tells her that they aren't pressing charges against Killian since he was provoked, the fight was unfair and he was the one who had gotten beaten up the worst. After what feels like forever but it's only a couple of minutes they bring Killian out and she bites her lip, goes to him and gently cups his bruised face in her hand; he gives her a reassuring smile and the last reminders of her anger slip away.

It's not quite as bad as the last time he was in hospital, but it's not much better either; he's got a black eye, his bottom lip is swollen, and there are stitches in the gash on his forehead.

"Did somebody hit you with a bottle?" Emma asks him and he shrugs, then winces and presses his hand against his bruised ribs.

"I think so, yes", he says and Emma shakes her head but doesn't ask him anything else because the cops are gawking at them.

Killian takes an envelope with his things and signs for them, and Emma precedes him out of the police station, putting her sunglasses on to hide eyes red from crying from the world.

When they were inside, she didn't feel the need to hide them from him.

"Where's the car?" Killian asks and jogs to catch up with her when they pass by the parking lot, and Emma shoots him a look over her shoulder.

"You took the keys", she tells him and Killian nods to himself, then hails them a cab. The ride home is silent, but when she reaches for his hand he entwines their fingers together the way he always does.

It's only then that she notices his bruised knuckles and the fact that his prosthetic hand is gone.

"What happened yesterday?" Emma asks him gently, and they both know she's not talking about just the fight he'd gotten into with Greg and his friends.

Killian glances at the cabbie and remains silent, but his thumb keeps running ceaseless circles on the back of her hand, his touch soothing her anxiousness for them to get home so he can tell her what had possessed him to leave her like that.

When they finally get home Killian goes to take a shower and Emma paces in the living room impatiently, rubbing her stomach with her hand and trying to make the baby stop kicking her. Killian comes back in record time and drops down on the couch with a sigh; he reaches for Emma's hand when she passes by him and tugs her down.

As soon as his hand covers her stomach the baby stops kicking her and goes to sleep.

"I'm so sorry for leaving you the way I did", Killian tells her and Emma just looks at him and waits for an explanation. "My father said some things and I let him get to me, so when I saw you holding _his_ keychain, I overreacted."

"What did he tell you?" Emma asks softly, and Killian's eyes fly to his stump before he can stop himself.

"It doesn't matter, lass. It's not true", he says faintly but he can't quite meet her eyes.

"He didn't actually say that I can't love you because you're missing a hand… Did he?"

"Emma-"

"Did he?" she demands, covering his hand on her stomach with hers, her eyes steady on his face even though he's not looking at her.

"He… He told me you were with me only because I gave you a place to stay. He said that a man like me", he says and rises his stump for emphasis, "can't have a ballerina like you."

Emma closes her eyes, unable to believe that a father could be so cruel to say that to his son.

"But how could you believe him?" Emma asks him miserably and wraps her fingers around his stump, caressing the scar with her thumb like she had done so many times before. "I love you, all of you."

He opens his mouth to speak but then Emma kisses him, gently, meaningfully, before she reaches for her necklace with her free hand.

"Don't", Killian says and closes his hand around hers, stopping her from pulling the keychain off. "Don't do it because you think you should."

"I want you to believe me when I tell you that I love you, hand or no hand."

"I believe you, lass. I had always believed you, I just needed a little time on my own; I was about to go back when Greg showed up", Killian tells her and watches her with those incredible eyes of his until she lets go of the keychain.

"Why did you punch him?"

"Because he was being disrespectful", Killian says and gives her a crooked smile, wincing a little when the motion pulls at his bruised lip.

"Did you at least kick his ass?" Emma asks and Killian chuckles darkly, then lifts his shirt and shows her his black and blue ribs.

"I started, but then the rest of his ballerina buddies jumped me and beat me up", he says and Emma leans down and presses her lips against the worst of the bruises, wishing she could do more, wishing he had never gone to see his father. "At least his nose isn't quite in the middle of his face anymore."

"You have to stop listening what other people are telling you and believe in me the way I believe in you", Emma tells him, and he nods slowly, his eyes focused on his fingers that are still caressing her stomach.

"I do believe in you, lass. I just don't always believe in myself", he says softly and Emma cups his face in her hands and kisses him, then pulls back and looks him in the eye before speaking.

"I can believe for the both of us", she tells him, and Killian guides her to lie down in his lap and throws a blanket over her when she settles down.

"If you believe in me, lass, then I can believe in myself too."

Emma had never believed in anybody as much as she believes in him.

* * *

When they go to sleep that evening Emma keeps tossing and turning, unable to find a comfortable position, unable to stop thinking about this morning and how frightened she'd been when she had called Killian's number and got his voice mail.

"Lass? Are you alright?" Killian asks her tentatively after she almost rolls him off the bed in her attempt to find a position that would allow her to finally fall asleep.

"I'm fine", Emma says because she doesn't want to remind him of the night he'd lost everything while she'd been crying over her broken heart.

Killian turns on the lamp, sits up against the headboard and brushes her tangled hair away from her face, looking at her expectantly.

"Last time you weren't answering my calls, you almost died", Emma says and blinks furiously because for once she will _not_ cry.

"Emma-"

"I know, they took your phone when they arrested you", she says and takes his bruised hand in hers gently, focusing on his long fingers instead of his face because she needs to tell him this and she knows she's just going to fall apart if he keeps looking at her the way he is doing now. "The worst thing was realizing that if you leave me, my baby is going to grow up without a father."

"I'm not leaving you", Killian tells her firmly and lays down next to her, his face so close to hers that she doesn't have a choice but meet his blue gaze. "Our baby won't grow up without a father."

Killian kisses her and it feels like he's sealing his promise on her lips, wordlessly telling her that no matter what happens, no matter the circumstances, she can always count on him.

"Did you hear me, little love?" Killian whispers next to her stomach, worried about waking up their son if he's sleeping. "I'll always be there for you."

Emma prays that this is a promise he can keep.

* * *

Emma is in the kitchen reading a book and waiting for the cupcakes to be ready so she can take them out of the oven when Killian comes home from work, his smile big enough to light up the world. He shrugs off his jacket and turns on the radio, then takes her in his arms and twirls her around the kitchen before he pulls her close and they just sway gently.

"What's gotten you in such a good mood?" Emma asks him, her fingers tangling in the soft hair at the nape of his neck, her eyes searching his face.

"I got sacked", he tells her and laughs at her stunned expression.

"What did you do?" Emma asks him and smacks his shoulder playfully, a wave of gratitude to his grandfather washing over her; if he hadn't left Killian the money, they would be in serious trouble now.

"Hey! What makes you think I did anything?" Killian asks her, feigning hurt, and Emma just looks at him pointedly. "They were downsizing at the station, and they wanted to fire the other technician because he'd been getting to work late, so I told them they should boot me instead."

"Killian Jones, protector of the tardy ones", Emma says and he shakes his head, running his hand up and down Emma's back.

"He'd only been late because his little girl is sick", Killian tells her and a shiver runs down her spine at the very thought of their child ever being unwell.

"It's not serious, right?" Emma asks him breathlessly and he reassures her that it's not.

"But truthfully, I'd just been looking for a way to quit without quitting", Killian tells her and Emma rests her cheek against his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat and smiling because she is so lucky that Killian is hers and nobody else's.

"You won't hear me complain", she says, closes her eyes and inhales his scent as they keep shuffling to the love song coming from the radio.

The oven pings and Emma goes to take the cupcakes out, rolling her eyes at Killian's raised eyebrow.

"These are not for me", she tells him defensively and smacks his hand when he reaches to take one. "Not for you either."

"Then for whom are they?"

"People at the daycare center. You'd be surprised as to what it's gonna take to get our kid into a good one."

"Apparently, a whole lot of cupcakes", Killian says and dips his finger into the icing of the one closest to him, and Emma has to let him have it.

He kisses her and she tastes chocolate on his tongue, and love on his lips.

* * *

**Review?**


	21. Sometimes They Come Back

**A tiny bit of angst (no, not really) and then more fluff. Thanks for sticking with me and this story, and enjoy.**

* * *

Emma is lying on the couch with her head against Killian's thigh, reading a book about the first year of their baby's life. He's watching a game on TV because he'd already read the book, his hand resting against her stomach and occasionally smoothing over it when the baby kicks, as if he's aiming to soothe their son.

It feels amazing to just be here in this ordinary moment with him, to be safe and sound and not to have to worry about anything more complicated than what are they going to have for dinner.

"How many names on the list?" She asks absentmindedly and Killian cranes his head trying to see into the kitchen where the remaining choices are tacked to the refrigerator.

"I think four?" He says and looks down at her with a beaming smile. "Logan is still in the running."

"Logan stays in the running", Emma tells him, and she's actually pretty certain that Logan is what they are going to go with in the end.

"Ethan is still there too", Killian says, and Emma smiles because Ethan, Killian and Logan all end in the same two letters.

"Ethan can also stay", she tells him, wishing his lips were closer because it's been a while since she kissed him and she's already missing it.

"Matthew?"

"I like it. Do you still like it?"

"I do."

"We're not making any progress", Emma pouts, running her fingers up and down his forearm, smiling when he captures her hand and brings it up to his lips.

"There's still the fourth name on the list", he tells her mildly and Emma presses her lips together.

"I like Oliver too."

"I know, lass, but either we kick Oliver off the list or we're back where we started", Killian says, tracing his finger over her forehead and smoothing her frown.

"Oh fine, goodbye Oliver", she agrees grudgingly, and he winks at her, places a pillow underneath her head and goes to remove Oliver from the list.

"Actually, we forgot one!" He calls from the kitchen and Emma tries to remember what it is before he tells her. "Your precious Alexander is still on it."

"He's not my precious Alexander", Emma yells and hears him laughing, but before they can continue the conversation the doorbell rings and Killian goes to answer it. "Who is it?"

Killian doesn't answer and Emma gets a really, really bad feeling in the pit of her stomach, and she scrambles from the couch so fast her book falls on the floor.

Standing in front of their door is Neal, trying to get into Killian's face and push past him into the apartment.

"Em, hey, tell him to let me in", Neal says, leaning around Killian and trying to catch her gaze.

"I don't want you in here", Emma tells him, and realizes that it's the absolute truth; she's not just saying it for Killian's sake, she actually does not want to have anything to do with the guy who left her high and dry. "And I really hate it when you call me Em."

"You heard the lady. Hit the road before I punch you so hard you're never going to do another pirouette", Killian says and Emma half-embraces him from behind, her hand resting on his chest and preventing him from getting violent with Neal even though she wouldn't really mind seeing Neal with a busted lip.

"Oh you two are together now, is that it?!" Neal demands, glaring daggers at her as if she's the one who did something wrong.

"It's none of your business anymore because you left me", Emma says, her voice shaking; seeing him makes her remember how he had broken her, and it still hurts.

"I didn't know you were pregnant", he yells and Killian pushes him so hard he ends up sprawled against the opposite wall of the hallway.

"My patience is wearing thin, Cassidy, so I suggest you make yourself scarce", Killian says, and his voice is as icy as his eyes.

"It's my baby! You can't just waltz in and take my place", Neal says, but he stays well away from Killian.

"You gave up that baby the day you gave up Emma, and all just so you could jump around in a tutu away from your daddy", Killian tells him, and his voice is scarily calm compared to Neal's.

Probably because Killian is right about everything.

"Leave us alone, Neal", Emma says, covering her belly protectively and tugging on Killian's hand so he gets back into the apartment. "The baby is Killian's and you can't do anything about it."

Neal looks like he'd like to say something to that but Killian just slams the door in his face and locks it for good measure. He rests his forehead against the door and breathes heavily, a muscle jumping in his jaw when he grits his teeth.

"I want to throttle him", he says softly and Emma squeezes herself between him and the door and lays her hand on his chest, gently pushing him back toward the living room.

"I know, and I love you for that", Emma tells him, then stands on tiptoes and kisses him, wanting them both to go back to the way they were before Neal showed up; blissfully happy.

Killian returns the kiss, but after a moment her pulls away and steps around her to go see if Neal is still outside their door.

"He's gone", he announces when he comes back to her and Emma breathes a sigh of relief, wrapping her arms around Killian's waist and resting her forehead against his shoulder.

"He won't be coming back", Emma says, and she wonders who's she trying to convince; Killian, or herself.

* * *

Emma is reading from the shopping list and walking beside Killian as he pushes the shopping cart and puts the things she points at in it; the fact that he won't let her carry anything is slightly annoying but it's also endearing at the same time, and Emma just goes with it and lets him be overly protective, especially after what had happened last weekend with Neal.

Sometimes she catches Killian looking at the keychain around her neck, but he always looks away quickly and pretends that it's not affecting him; she's going to take it off soon, but they both need it to be the right time, and the right reason.

"We forgot ice-cream", Emma says and lies her hand on Killian's chest to stop him from going forward.

"I'll go get it", Killian says and presses a kiss on her forehead; Emma watches him go until he turns the corner and disappears from sight.

It's kind of amazing how things work out when they are meant to be.

"I thought he'd never go away", Neal says from behind her and Emma whirls around, unconsciously taking a step back, which corners her between the shopping cart and the shelf; he'd never been physically violent with her, but she still feels an almost irrational fear not for her own safety, but for the safety of her baby.

"Killian is going to be back in a minute", Emma says, and she hates the note of uncertainty that creeps into her voice; Neal makes her revert into a scared little girl, and it pisses her off.

"Yeah? What's he gonna do? Beat me with his fake hand?" Neal asks and takes a step toward her.

Emma slaps him, hard.

"Don't you dare talk about him like that", she spits at Neal, and when she looks at him now, all she sees is a small man with a small heart that she's much better off without.

"Em, please. How can you choose him over the father of your baby?" Neal asks, his hand pressed against his burning cheek, and she can't believe that he actually doesn't understand, and that he still hasn't even tried apologizing.

"What did you expect would happen when you came back for me after eight months without so much as a phone call?" She yells at him, glad that the store is pretty much abandoned at this hour, and wondering if Neal had actually stalked them these past few days in order to get her alone.

"I thought you wouldn't answer my calls", Neal exclaims and Emma shakes her head at his pathetic excuses.

"If you were persistent enough, maybe I would. If you came back sooner and begged me for forgiveness, maybe I'd have given you another chance for the sake of our baby, but frankly, I don't think it would've worked between us. You're all wrong for me, Neal", Emma tells him, and she feels so light, finally unburdened with the notion that she had done something wrong.

He was the one who abandoned her, and he would've done it eventually no matter how much she had loved him.

"Like Jones is so much better? No hand, no career, absolutely no future?!"

Neal really doesn't understand anything, and Emma wonders how did she ever sleep next to somebody so small-minded and never knew he was.

"This has nothing to do with him; even if he wasn't in the picture, I wouldn't take you back."

"The baby is mine", Neal says, his hand reaching out to touch Emma's stomach.

"The baby is most definitely not yours", Killian says and grabs Neal's hand, twisting it behind his back and pushing him up against the shelf.

"Killian, no, he's not worth it", Emma tells him, coming to stand beside him and laying her hand on his arm, just wanting to go home and forget this ever happened.

"This is your last warning; come near her again, and I won't be responsible for my actions", Killian growls in Neal's ear and lets go of him, wraps his arm around Emma and pushes the shopping cart toward the cash registers.

Emma looks over her shoulder and feels an intense feeling of relief when Neal walks away in the other direction.

"He didn't hurt you?" Killian asks her softly as soon as they reach the line, cupping her face in his hand and brushing his thumb over her cheek.

"I slapped him", Emma says, still a little surprised that she had actually done that.

"You slapped him", Killian repeats, a half-smile tugging at his pretty mouth; he takes her hand in his and presses kisses over her palm, his lips drowning out the stinging.

"He kinda deserved it", Emma says, and wraps her arm around Killian's waist, cringing when she remembers the way Neal had talked about Killian.

"He deserves worse than a slap for the way he abandoned you", Killian tells her softly and smoothes his fake hand down her back, pulling her closer and resting his cheek on top of her head.

"He didn't even try to apologize", Emma says softly, still not sure why is it so important to her that he does.

"I think the way he sees it, is that if he apologizes, it's all his fault that he lost you, opposed to me being the one who stole you from him", Killian says as they inch forward toward the cash register.

"You sound almost… sympathetic?" Emma says, tilting her head back and looking up at him.

"I'm really not", Killian tells her and gives her a quick kiss. "But just the thought of being in his shoes, of losing you for whatever reason… I can't bear it."

He looks so distraught, and Emma pretends that all the people around them don't exist, stands on her tiptoes and presses a deep, loving kiss against his lips.

"You're never going to lose me."

* * *

Emma sits in the armchair in the living room and lets Killian deal with the groceries, trying to imagine what her life would've been like if Neal had asked her about Canada as soon as he got the offer, and if they went up there together.

No matter how hard she tries, she can't imagine it, she can't imagine anything but the life she's leading, because the love she has with Killian is something one of a kind, something she never even knew was possible.

Dancing used to be everything to her, and she realizes now that she had loved it more than Neal; there's nothing in the world she loves more than Killian, except their baby.

"Come", Killian says and pulls her out of her reverie, offering her his hands to help her up. She lets him lead her to the piano and sits on the bench next to him, smiling because she's got a feeling he wrote her something again.

"Is it another lullaby?" She asks, wrapping her both her arms around his left one and waiting for him to start playing.

"First I have to ask you something", Killian says and Emma nods, looking at him expectantly. "The variation I wrote for you, do you think it's good enough to be a part of an actual ballet? Can you picture yourself dancing to it?"

"I could see all the steps the first time I heard it", Emma tells him, her fingers entwining with the ones of his left hand as he lays his right against the keys.

"This could be pas de deux", he says and starts playing, the music flowing around them and making her see the scene so easily; the only trouble is, it's not another dancer lifting her on the stage, it's Killian.

"Can you write me an entire ballet for our love story?" Emma asks him, and when he smiles and nods, she's not picturing sold venues and herself as the star of the show; she's picturing them working together to create another beautiful thing that came from their tragedies.

"Who's going to dance my part?" Killian asks her and Emma laughs, sifting her fingers through the soft hair at the nape of his neck; she looks at his sparkling blue eyes and seeing the light that used to burn inside them come back makes her feel like she's falling in love with him all over again.

"We're gonna find somebody adequate", Emma tells him, realizing that Neal and Milah could play themselves.

"As long as it's not Neal", Killian says with a shudder and Emma kisses his shoulder, telling him that Neal and Milah are the only two dancers not welcomed in their production. "But how does the story end?"

"Neal and Killian have a heroic fight, in which Killian punches Neal in the face, and then he goes back to Emma and his son, and they live happily ever after", Emma says, and Killian's hand on her stomach when he kisses her makes her think that their happy ending is already here.

"You really want me to punch him in the face, don't you?" Killian asks her with a crooked grin, and he looks all too amused with her new-found violent side.

"I really, really do", Emma says without batting an eyelash and then blames it on the pregnancy hormones.

"I meant what I told him; if he shows up again, I'm not going to talk to him anymore", Killian says, and his protectiveness feels so good that she doesn't even try to tell him that violence is not the answer.

Sometimes, you have to get physical, because words are simply not enough.

* * *

**Review?**


	22. I'll Promise You This

**Thanks for reading/reviewing, and I hope you enjoy this chapter; there's a lot of fluff and feels because Killian finally becomes a daddy.**

* * *

It's been exactly four months since Killian kissed Emma the first time, and he insists on taking her out to dinner to celebrate; she complains at first because she'd rather stay in and spend the evening on the couch, and also because she doesn't see much point in celebrating four months of a relationship. In her opinion, if you're going to celebrate, you celebrate six months or a year, or, preferably, you don't celebrate at all, but Killian gets her with the argument that when their six months anniversary comes along, their baby is going to be a month old and the last thing they are going to want to do is leave him with a stranger so they can go out.

And so Emma agrees to dinner now and they go all out; a suit for him and a dress for her, and currently she's digging through his ties trying to find the blue one he had worn on the night they kissed for the first time; it has to be there because she distinctly remembers putting it here neatly rolled up. She opens another drawer thinking that maybe it had gotten stuck at the back of it, and when she finally finds it and takes it out, she gets more than what she'd been looking for.

The tie is wrapped around a black suede jewelry box, and Emma knows even before she opens it that there's a ring inside.

Killian is in the living room waiting for her, and she could take any other tie, return this one to its hiding place and go back to him, hoping she'd be able to blame the hormones when he notices that something is off; there's no doubt in her mind that he'd notice.

She could, but she doesn't see the point.

Emma turns from the dresser with the box in one hand and Killian's blue tie in the other, about to take them both with her to the living room, but just then Killian walks into their bedroom because he'd probably noticed that she's taking a lot of time looking for his tie, and judging by the look of surprise on his face when he realizes what she's holding, he had gotten worried about her wellbeing, not about her finding the ring.

"I wasn't going to propose to you for a while longer; I know it's too soon", Killian recovers from shock quickly and comes to stand in front of her, reaching out his hand for the box, fear that he'd blown it clear in his ocean eyes.

Emma takes a step back and opens the box.

The ring is white gold with tiny diamonds and she has to fight the urge to put it on her finger because she feels the same as Killian; she knows he's the right one for her, but it's too soon to jump into it.

"Do you like it?" Killian asks tentatively and Emma looks up at him, lifting her eyebrow and not saying anything because who in their right mind would not like this ring?

"When did you buy it?"

"That afternoon after I got access to the money my grandfather left me", Killian tells her and lays his hand on her shoulder and opens his mouth as if he's going to apologize again for leaving her like that.

Emma kisses him and effectively shuts him up.

"You don't have to say anything", Killian murmurs against her lips, and then looks down at the keychain still hanging around her neck. "It's too much too soon, and I understand."

Emma can see that he's doubting himself again; it's in the way he avoids looking at her, in the way he lays his prosthetic hand on her side so lightly she can barely feel the pressure, a muscle jumping in his jaw when she reaches for the keychain around her neck.

"The way I see it, we've got two choices here", Emma tells him and tilts her head until he finally meets her eyes.

"One is you forget about the ring and trust me to choose the right time to ask you to marry me", Killian says and there's a sad half-smile tugging at his lips. "What's the other?"

Emma doesn't say anything, just reaches for his hand, guiding it to the keychain she'd been holding, the keychain that's been hanging around her neck for years; she unclasps the necklace and shakes it so the keychain falls off into Killian's hand.

Killian closes his fingers around it and Emma takes the ring out of its box, then puts it on the chain and fastens it around her neck again.

"I'll keep it safe for you until you're ready to ask me and I'm ready to say "yes", and then you can put it on my finger", Emma says and kisses the back of his hand; she had just replaced a reminder of a broken vow with a promise of a wonderful future, and it feels divine.

"So it's a "yes"?" Killian asks her softly, his eyes dancing with joy, his free hand pulling her closer again.

"It's going to be "yes" if you pick the right time to ask me", Emma tells him seriously and Killian nods solemnly, then picks her up and twirls her around, and Emma holds onto him tightly; she doesn't even ask him what he intends to do with Neal's keychain because as far as she's concerned he can throw it in the sea. "Wait until the music's right, and I will dance with you."

"When the music's right", Killian agrees and sets her back down, his lips grazing her forehead, her eyes suddenly shiny with tears. "I love you, lass."

"I love you", she says, smiling when he wipes away the tear that slides down her cheek and tilts his head toward the bed.

"You had to find the blue one?"

"It goes well with your eyes", Emma says, ties it around his neck and then they go out for dinner.

* * *

It's the middle of the night and Emma gets up to get herself a glass of water; she could wake Killian up and ask him to go get if for her, but he looks so adorable she doesn't have the heart to do it.

Instead of going right back to bed, Emma takes a detour for the nursery, turning on the lamp that casts lights in the shape of the stars on the walls and sitting in the rocking chair; she looks around and realizes that everything is ready for the baby. She doesn't feel frightened or panicked; all she feels is excitement that in less than two weeks she's finally going to see the tiny human being that's been growing inside of her for the past eight and a half months, kicked her and made her moody, but also made her so very happy.

She can't help wishing for the baby to have Neal's dark hair and her light eyes even though she knows Killian loves their son already, and his physical appearance is not important at all in the grand scheme of things; she'd still rather not have Killian see Neal every time he looks at their baby.

There's nothing but love in this room and it's all because of Killian.

"What are you doing up, lass?" Killian asks from the doorway, rubbing sleep from his eyes and crouching next to her chair, his hand covering hers on her stomach. "The little one's having another football match?"

Emma shakes her head and tells him she'd just been thinking.

"About what?" Killian asks her, tilting his head to the side and giving her a crooked smile; he's finally as confident in her love for him as she is in his for her.

"About how much you love us", Emma tells him and brushes her fingers through the hair that's sticking up adorably on one side of his head.

"That's a lot of love to think about", Killian says and Emma smiles, then leans in for a kiss, her fingers closing around the ring that's hanging around her neck.

"I know."

* * *

Emma is blow-drying her hair when her water breaks, but she doesn't panic; she just cleans up the mess, changes and goes back to what she'd been doing since she still doesn't feel the contractions.

When she's done she goes to wake up Killian; he's taking an afternoon nap and she almost wishes she could leave him be, but there's no way she's going to do this alone.

"How long did I sleep?" Killian asks as soon as he opens his eyes and Emma smiles, taking his offered hand and tugging on it gently until he's sitting on the edge of the bed and she's standing between his knees.

"Less than an hour; I'd let you sleep more, but we have to go", she tells him, watching him lean forward and press his lips against her stomach.

"Go where?" He asks, and he's obviously still half asleep because they've both been jittery this entire week, since her due date is three days from today.

"The baby's coming, Killian", Emma tells him softly because she doesn't want him to freak out.

"What?!"

And then he's freaking out, shooting off the bed, kissing her and then running around the room looking for God knows what.

"The bag is packed, your car keys are by the door and your wallet is in your jeans pocket", Emma tells him and he shakes his head, opening another drawer.

"I need my hand", he tells her as if she's the one acting a little loony.

"It's on that char", Emma says and he looks over his shoulder, then goes to rummage in the closet.

"Not that one", he says and finally finds what he'd been looking for; the special occasions hand that he hadn't worn since their first date.

"What's wrong with the other one?" Emma asks, but still goes to help him put the one he wants on because his hand is shaking and she doesn't have the patience to wait for him.

"I'm going to hold my baby for the first time today, lass", Killian tells her, and she can feel the intensity of his gaze even though her attention is focused on his fake hand. "I think that calls for the special occasions hand."

"I don't think that baby is going to care much about which fake hand you use or if you use one at all", Emma tells him, then tries to breathe as the first contraction finally hits her.

Killian wraps his arms around her and rubs her back until it passes, and then leads her out of the apartment, remembering to take both her bag and the car keys without her having to say anything.

When she needs him, he's always there.

* * *

Since Emma's contractions are still far between they give her a hospital gown and stick her into a private room, leaving Killian to deal with her after the nurse announces that it's going to be a while.

"Can I get you anything, love?" Killian asks her after a contraction passes and she can breathe again, and she's kind of glad for his fake hand because she can squeeze it as tightly as she wants to, and it helps her to deal with the pain.

"I just need you to stay here", Emma tells him and lies there breathing deeply as he brushes hair off her forehead.

"I'm not going anywhere", he says and Emma feels such violent relief that tears spring to her eyes and roll down her cheeks. "I wish there was a way to spare you this pain."

Killian wipes away her tears and Emma smiles because she's used to the pain; she once danced with a fractured rib and this is nothing compared to that.

She knows that it would hurt worse if she were here alone.

* * *

Emma has to let go of Killian when they roll her into the delivery room so he can go put on the scrubs and wash his hands; those five minutes are the worst for her because the pain is getting pretty bad and gripping the side of the bed isn't the same as gripping Killian's hand, not to mention the fact that she _needs_ him to tell her that she's a marvel and that she can do this.

Killian comes back in and she's momentarily distracted from the pain because he offers her his real hand, the prosthetic nowhere in sight.

"They said I either leave the fake hand outside or I don't come in at all; apparently it would take too long to sterilize it", Killian tells her and gives her a crooked smile. "But don't be afraid to squeeze as hard as you need to; I promise I can take it."

Emma takes him up on his promise and for a while there's nothing in the world but pain, Killian's hand in hers and his worried blue eyes, but then a baby cries and she forgets everything else.

"Go see if he's okay", Emma says and lets go of Killian's hand, closing her eyes when he brushes his lips over her forehead and tells her that she was bloody brilliant.

"Ten fingers and ten toes", Killian says, his voice breaking a little; he's peeking over the nurse's shoulder at their son and the look on his face is something Emma had never seen before.

If she had to find a word for it, she'd call it bliss.

"Here's your son, daddy", the nurse says and turns around to give the baby to Killian, and Emma can read all his doubts in his eyes when he looks at her across the delivery room; it's not just that he's afraid he's going to drop him without the fake hand, it's also that he thinks Emma should be the one to hold him first.

"Take him", Emma tells him softly, wiping away her tears when Killian doesn't hesitate anymore; their son fits in the crook of his arm perfectly, but he still lays his stump on his chest to make sure he can't go anywhere.

Emma had heard women saying that there's no sight more beautiful than the man you love holding your baby, but she never really believed it until now.

"Hello, laddie", Killian says and just stands there looking at his son, and Emma smiles because she should've seen this coming; that little baby is already the center of Killian's entire world.

"It's Logan", Emma says softly and Killian looks up, coming to sit next to her; she lets him keep holding their baby, resting her head on his shoulder and looking down at their miracle.

"I thought we were still undecided between Logan and Matthew", Killian whispers, but Emma is too busy admiring the way their baby looks and smells and breathes to answer him; he already has a lot of dark hair, cute little nose and her full cheeks.

It might only be wishful thinking on her part, but Logan does not look anything like Neal.

Emma kisses the top of his head and Logan's fist closes around her finger, his eyes opening for just a moment before he goes back to sleep, but it's enough for her to witness another miracle; he's got blue eyes.

"Did you see-"

"I did", Emma says dazedly and realizes that one of her parents must have blue eyes, and Logan took after them.

"He's so beautiful. Just like you", Killian tells her and brushes his lips against the top of her head; even though she's exhausted both physically and emotionally she can't help but believe him.

Emma tilts her head back and Killian kisses her, their son sleeping peacefully between them, cradled in Killian's arms and still holding Emma's finger in his tiny fist.

* * *

**Review?**


	23. All the Love in the World

**This is the last chapter; epilogue tomorrow, and another story finished. I can't thank you enough for going on this journey with me, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the cuteness. There's a lot of it.**

* * *

Killian finds Neal standing in front of the room with all the babies born in the hospital in the past few days and his blood boils. He grabs him, slams him against the opposite wall, and keeps him there with his forearm against Neal's neck; there's a lot of satisfaction to be had because for the first time the scumbag looks genuinely frightened.

"What did I tell you? Stay away from Emma and our baby", Killian growls, and by some miracle, nobody appears to make him let go of Neal.

"Your baby is right. He doesn't look anything like me!" Neal exclaims and Killian lets him go out of sheer shock.

"Come again?"

"That bitch cheated on me with you and you know it", Neal says and Killian punches him so hard he kisses the floor.

"Stay away from them or I swear to God, I will do to you what your father did to me and you're never going to dance again", Killian says and Neal climbs back to his feet and hightails it out of there.

Killian takes a deep breath and only then realizes that his knuckles are bloody, but before he goes to wash his hand he turns toward the babies and stands there for a good long while looking at Logan.

Looking at his son sleeping soundly in his cot.

* * *

Emma is sitting in an armchair next to the window, glancing at the clock on the wall every two minutes because Killian was supposed to be here by now. She hadn't seen him since last night when the nurses finally made him leave, and he only did it because they claimed Emma had to get some rest; as far as she was concerned, she could've slept just fine with him in the hospital bed next to her.

Killian finally comes in with Logan in his arms and Emma gets up slowly, then settles into bed and holds her arms out so Killian can hand her their son.

"Good morning, beautiful", he says and kisses her, his scruff scratching her pleasantly as Logan squirms in her arms.

"Hey, handsome", Emma murmurs, and she's about to turn her attention to the baby in her arms when she notices Killian's scraped knuckles. "What happened to you?"

"I caught Neal loitering around, so I introduced him to my fist", Killian says with a grim smile, his eyes flashing with anger when he glances at his hand. "He won't be showing up again."

"Any reason in particular you punched him?" Emma asks because she senses there's more to the story than just Neal showing up again.

"He's a bloody idiot", Killian says and Emma rises her eyebrows, waiting to hear the rest. "He said that we must've been having an affair behind his back because Logan doesn't look like him at all."

"I hope you didn't try to convince him otherwise", Emma says and smiles when Killian looks a little bewildered. "If it gets him off our backs, I don't care what he thinks."

"I might've threatened to really hurt him next time, and he looked rather scared", Killian tells her and fixes Logan's sock that was about to fall off his foot.

"I missed you", Emma changes the subject because Neal is the last person she wants to talk about.

"I missed you too, lass. And you, little sailor", Killian coos to the baby, and Emma has to admit that Logan does look like a sailor with the blue-white striped cap.

"Just a few more days and we're coming home with you", Emma says, smiling when their son yawns and opens his eyes. "See? He agrees."

"You know I would've loved him even if he looked exactly like Neal, right?" Killian asks her, his eyes as blue as the summer sky, as blue as Logan's.

"I know", Emma says softly, but she's insanely grateful that he doesn't, that he looks like a perfect mixture of her and Killian.

It might be just genetics, but she's inclined to believe that it's actually the power of true love.

* * *

Three days later Emma is lying in their bed again with Logan next to her and Killian on his other side; he's watching their son and Emma is watching him.

She doesn't think she'll ever get tired of watching him with Logan.

Killian nudges Logan's fist with his finger and he grasps it even though he's sleeping, a tiny frown appearing on his forehead and quickly smoothing out when Killian leans down and presses a kiss against his head.

"I keep expecting to wake up", Killian says, lifting his eyes to meet Emma's, a perpetual half-smile on his lips.

"I know the feeling", Emma tells him, then cups his face in her hand and traces the scar on his cheek with her finger. "But it's not a dream."

"I can't remember the last time I've been this inspired to compose, but the thought of leaving him even for a minute is impossible to bear", he says and Emma smiles because she understands; she's supposed to start going to class again in two months and she'd been looking forward to it for so long, but now that Logan's here she doesn't want to anymore.

"We don't have to go anywhere for a while longer", Emma says softly and Killian reaches for her hand; they stay like that for the rest of the afternoon, holding hands and watching their baby sleep peacefully between them.

* * *

The baby monitor wakes them both up and Emma groans, burrowing deeper against Killian's neck.

"Come on, lass", he says softly and Emma lets him drag her out of bed. She sways on her feet because she feels so tired and this is the third time tonight, so Killian picks her up and carries her to the living room.

Emma rubs her eyes and tries to wake up as Killian goes to get Logan, and she smiles when she hears him talking to their son, and by some miracle, Logan stops crying even before Killian hands him to Emma and she starts breastfeeding him.

"He really likes the sound of your voice", Emma says as Killian sits on the arm of the sofa and sifts his fingers through her hair. "Don't do that, I'll fall asleep again."

Killian chuckles and she rests her head against his side, desperately trying to keep her eyes open.

"Shall I tell you a story to keep you awake?" Killian asks and Emma looks up at him, then tilts her head toward the piano.

"Play us something", she says and Killian kisses the top of her head, caresses Logan's ever-kicking leg and then goes to sit behind the piano.

"Anything in particular you wish to hear, m'lady?"

"Just keep me awake", Emma says softly and Killian does just that; he plays her a polka, and then as soon as she's done feeding Logan he switches to a lullaby. She watches him play, watches his profile and even though the music is still so beautiful, she can't help wishing his hand wasn't gone, she can't help wishing he were whole.

For his sake, not hers.

Emma glances down at Logan and smiles because he keeps blinking, as if he's fighting to stay awake just a little bit longer so he can keep listening to the lullaby his daddy is playing. Logan seems to be the happiest when they put him in his carrier and place it on top of the piano when Killian is composing, and he's quite vocal about what he likes and what he doesn't; Emma finds it adorable that Killian actually listens to him.

"Let's get you back to your room", Emma tells Logan and carries him to the nursery, and Killian keeps playing until their son is finally asleep again.

Emma returns to the living room and sits down next to Killian; he reaches for her hand like he always does, their fingers entwining like they always do, his lips grazing her forehead.

"Do I have to carry you back to bed?" He asks her, and she can feel his smile as he trails kisses over her cheek, jaw line and down the side of her neck.

"I'm suddenly wide awake", Emma says and stands up, tugging him toward their bedroom.

"Are you sure?" He asks her, but she just lies on their bed and pulls him down on top of her, her hands sneaking under his t-shirt, her lips seeking his. "I don't want to hurt you."

"The only way you're gonna hurt me is if you don't kiss me right now", Emma tells him and he grants her that wish, his hips pressing against hers in the most perfect way.

He rolls them over so she's on top and Emma tugs off first his shirt than hers, which is technically also his shirt, biting her lip when his hand goes between them and sends fire shooting through her veins.

Emma can't remember the last time she'd been this impatient, but then again, it's been two months since they last had sex and it's ridiculous how much she had missed it, how much she'd missed being as close to Killian as she can be.

Afterwards she's lying in a circle of Killian's arms, her fingers running up and down his forearm absentmindedly.

"What's on your mind, lass?" Killian asks, brushing her hair away from her face so he can see her eyes.

Emma traces the scar on his stump with her index finger and shrugs, afraid to ask him the question that's been bugging her for a long time.

"Something about my hand?"

No matter how many times he reads her like an open book, he still manages to surprise her with that ability.

"I was just thinking how things would've been different if Gold hadn't picked the very night I left Neal to hurt you", Emma tells him tentatively, somehow finding the strength to meet his eyes.

Killian just looks confused.

"If I had showed up on your doorstep and you were home, you'd have still been with Milah", Emma clarifies and Killian shakes his head and kisses her.

"Milah was never more than a distraction", he tells her and Emma breathes a sigh of relief because she had always thought that his hand was the price they had to pay to finally find their way to each other. "You were the only one I had ever wanted."

"You could've kept your hand if I had realized sooner that you weren't just my friend", Emma tells him, her chin trembling because she can't believe she could've been so blind for so long.

"Hey, lass, no, don't do that to yourself", Killian tells her and tightens his embrace; Emma sighs heavily and tilts her head back so she can look up at him.

"I'm so sorry", she tells him and he shakes his head, his knuckles wiping away a tear that separates itself from her eyelashes despite her best efforts to keep it at bay.

"Nothing to be sorry for, love. I've got you and Logan now", he says, and the look in his eyes tells her that he'd made peace with the loss of his hand, and she should too.

"And we love you so much", Emma says and Killian smiles, then places his stump under her chin and kisses her, and she can taste absolution on his lips.

When he tells her that he loves them more than anything else in the world, she believes him.

* * *

On the day Emma is supposed to go back to class, she wakes an hour too early and goes to Logan's nursery, takes him out from his crib and sits in the rocking chair watching him sleep.

"I wish I could just stay with you until you're all grown up", Emma says, tracing her baby's tiny arm with her finger.

"I'll take good care of him", Killian says from the doorway and Emma looks up, smiling when he crosses the room and kneels next to her.

"I know. But I still wish I could stay", Emma says, and Killian covers her hand with his on top of Logan's chest.

"You can stay, lass, but we both know that you can't be without dancing", Killian tells her and Emma kisses him, kisses Logan, and then hands him their son.

"I better get ready then", she says and stands up, and she almost reaches the door before she turns around and goes back, settling in Killian's lap and wrapping her arms around him and Logan.

"You've got a little more time", Killian tells her softly and Emma rests her head against his and stays with them for as long as she can.

* * *

On the way to the building that houses her new company Emma worries about a lot of things; about Logan missing her and being fussy, about Killian panicking because it's the first time she had left them alone, about her thinking about Logan too much and being so awful in class that they just send her home and tell her that she's a bad fit for the company, but then the class actually starts, and for an hour and a half she's in a different world, she's free and light and focused.

Emma sits on the floor and starts untying her pointe shoes, and she's actually glad for her sore muscles because it takes her mind off how much she's missing both Logan and Killian.

There's some kind of commotion on the other side of the studio and all the other ballerinas flock there, but Emma can't even be bothered to look up; she just wants this day to be over so she can go back to her boys.

"Emma", one of the ballerinas she had met this morning calls her and when she looks up she realizes that the reason for the commotion was her son; Killian had brought him here so they can all spend her lunch break together.

"We knew you'd be sad without us, so we decided to come surprise you", Killian tells her when she reaches them and gives him a big kiss, not caring who can see them; the rest of the company makes themselves scarce and Emma takes Logan from Killian, smiling when his hand reaches for her face.

"I missed him so much", Emma tells Killian and sighs when he wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her closer, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"I know, lass. But what about me?" He asks her and trails kisses down the side of her neck; Emma relaxes against him and tilts her head to the side so she can meet his eyes.

"I missed you too", Emma says and Killian brushes his nose against hers, and he's about to kiss her again when Logan starts crying.

"Don't be jealous, laddie", Killian tells him softly and caresses his cheek with his knuckles.

"I think he's just hungry", Emma teases and Killian lifts his eyebrow at her.

"I fed him before we came here", Killian tells her, and Emma gets overwhelmed with emotion because Logan doesn't even know how lucky he is to have a father like Killian.

How lucky he is that she had found somebody to love them both.

Killian looks at her and Emma smiles, and when he kisses her she realizes that all their heartbreak was worth it; both she and Killian had to fall apart to find that they've always had all they'd ever need_._

Each other.

* * *

**Review?**


	24. Epilogue

**Here we are again, at the end of another story. I can't thank you enough for all your support, and if you've enjoyed this story half as much as I did writing it, the it's all good. You can find the mix for it on my tumblr, so you can listen to the composition I pictured to be **Emma Variation**. My next fic is going to be with **Eaasybugboy**, so stay tuned for that; thank you again, and enjoy!**

* * *

_Three years later_

Emma sits in front of the mirror and finishes applying her make-up, then glances at the clock on the wall and realizes that she's got less than ten minutes to reach her place on the stage; it's the opening night of the ballet Killian had written for her, and she can't remember ever being this nervous before a show, not even before her very first one.

She knows it's because this show matters most, since it's so close to her heart; it's hers and Killian's entire history in the form of a ballet, their defeats and victories, and all she wants is for the audience to like it.

"Do you need help with your dress?" Killian asks her from the doorway and slips inside, a faint smile dancing on his lips because he knows she remembers the last time they were like this, when she had just found out she was pregnant and he was the first person she told.

"I was waiting for you", Emma tells him and turns her back on him so he can lace her up, and even though it takes him a little longer than the last time, his touch still sends a shiver down her spine; when he's done, he presses a kiss against her shoulder and sneaks his hand around her waist, laying his palm on top of her stomach.

"Anything you want to tell me this time?" He whispers against her ear and Emma smiles because they had talked about having another baby and she's as excited about it as he is. He unclasps her necklace where his engagement ring is still hanging and puts it in his pocket where it's going to stay until the end of the show.

"Not yet", Emma says softly and turns around, glances at the clock and kisses Killian quickly before she tugs him out of her dressing room and down the hallway toward the stage.

It's time for them to share their hearts with the world.

* * *

Emma dances, Killian plays, and the audience is completely spellbound; women cry and sniffle and men nod to themselves, but Emma only has eyes for Killian.

Time has been good to him, and any trace of uncertainty he used to have about his hand is gone; he's focused only on the music, but then he looks up and their eyes meet, and as Emma's partner twirls her around it feels like Killian's arms are around her.

Logan is sitting in the first row with his babysitter, solemn and quiet in his little tuxedo that resembles Killian's; there's a bow-tie around his neck that's actually Killian's, but their stubborn little boy wouldn't let them leave him with the nanny until Killian took it off and tied it around his neck.

When it's time for Emma's solo, Killian removes his fingers from the keys and just watches her because this is the only piece of music in the entire ballet he can't play; "Emma Variation" had been written for two hands, and even though she had suggested that he should adapt it for just the right, he adamantly refused. As she dances, Emma thinks that he was right, that this is better because this way he gets to see every step she makes as another pianist down in the orchestra pit takes over.

She's dancing this particular dance only for Killian anyway.

The last scene in the ballet is Emma and her dance partner standing above a cot watching their baby sleep, and when the curtain falls there's an almost deafening applause that makes Emma unbelievably happy; she had always believed that this ballet could be something special because it was so personal and so real, but she had never expected anything like this. The moment is a little overwhelming, but then she goes to take a bow and Killian joins her, and as soon as his hand slips into hers she's okay, she's more than okay, she's on top of the world.

This time, she's not there alone.

* * *

After the show Emma goes back to her dressing room and starts pulling pins out of her hair and wiping all the theatre make-up off. Killian reaches her before Logan and his nanny do and she melts against him, his kiss sending shivers down her spine and making her skin sing.

"They really liked it", Killian murmurs against her lips and he seems a little stunned so Emma pulls back to look him in the eyes before she speaks.

"Not liked; they loved it", she tells him and smiles when he smiles, and she can't even find the words to tell him how proud she is of him, because if there wasn't for his music, there wouldn't be the ballet either. She makes a mental note to send a fruit basket to the company director, because he's another person who made this possible; she still remembers how worried and nervous she was when she told him about her idea for the ballet and the fact that Killian is already writing music for it, and how her director jumped on the opportunity even though there was no proof the two of them can do it.

He's probably rubbing his hands now because a new ballet hadn't had a standing ovation since the seventies.

"Emma?"

"Yes, Killian?"

"Will you marry me?" Killian asks and holds up her necklace, and Emma's eyes dart to the engagement ring before she meets his blue gaze and tells him that she will.

She'd been waiting for him to do this, and this entire week she had a feeling he'd do it tonight; it's like he doesn't know how to let her down.

Killian's hand is shaking and Emma covers it with hers, helps him undo the clasp on the necklace and watches as the ring slides down in his palm. She holds out her hand and he slips it on her finger, and she's not even a little surprised that it fits her perfectly.

"Took you long enough to ask", Emma tells him and Killian gives her that beautiful smile that's only reserved for her and Logan, his hand taking hers and laying it against his heart.

"I was just waiting for the right song", he says and Emma steps closer, rests her head against his shoulder and they start dancing to the music only the two of them can hear.

The door opens and Logan runs into the room yelling "daddy" on top of his lungs, and Emma realizes she's never going to get tired of hearing him say that; Killian picks him up and Logan rests his head against his father's shoulder, looking at Emma with a grin that is so like Killian's she could cry.

"You were really pretty, mommy", he tells her and Emma smiles because lately that's the highest of compliments for him; Killian's bedtime stories are pretty, pancakes are pretty, and when they go to the zoo, everything is pretty.

"What about me?" Killian asks and Logan beams up at him, wraps his arms tighter around Killian's neck and gives him a big wet kiss.

"I love you daddy, but mommy was pretty", Logan says and Killian chuckles, then looks at Emma and tilts his head toward their son.

"He loves me but you're pretty", he says and Emma rubs her hand up and down Logan's back.

"You were pretty too, daddy", Emma tells him and smiles when his arm tightens around her waist.

"You were bloody gorgeous", he whispers against her ear and they lose themselves in the moment, dancing around the dressing room with their son laughing between them.

* * *

It's not even nine a.m. yet but there's already the sound of music coming from the living room. Emma lies in bed for a minute longer, smiling when Logan takes over from Killian, his enthusiasm as adorable as ever. Emma throws off the covers and sneaks down the hallway, then leans against the doorway and just watches them, marveling at the fact that just a few years ago Logan was a baby sitting in his carrier on top of the piano, kicking his tiny feet in time with the music Killian was playing.

She finds that time goes ridiculously fast when you're happy.

Logan is sitting on Killian's knee, his father's arm around him to keep him from falling off in his excitement, and every time Emma sees them like this, her heart jumps in her chest because Killian is so patient with him, he encourages him and makes learning fun, and if Logan could have his way he'd never do anything else but play.

"Mommy, listen", Logan exclaims when he notices her and Emma comes closer, leaning her hip against the side of the piano and watching the look of deep concentration on Logan's face as he plays a simple melody, and it's only when she glances at Killian and sees his melancholy smile that she realizes that for the first time Logan is playing with two hands.

"Well done, laddie", Killian tells him when he's done and Emma covertly wipes away her tears and kisses Logan's cheek, telling him that she's so very, very proud of him.

"I'm gonna play it again", Logan says to nobody in particular and Emma sits down next to Killian, entwines her fingers with his and looks at him until her turns his head and kisses her, the music their son is playing resonating around the room.

Emma thinks that she's only allowed to live this charmed life because she'd been alone for so long, both growing up without parents and being with Neal, and realizes that it's more than a fair trade; she'd rather have Killian and Logan than anything else.

She didn't used to believe that true love is the most important thing you can have in life, but now that she's got it, she knows it is.

* * *

It's amazing how many people want to be your friend when you're either rich or successful; Emma and Killian keep receiving invitations to parties held by people who didn't even bother to call them when they were both down, and neither of them feels inclined to go.

They know that they could fill any ballroom with guests for their wedding, but they decide to keep it private, just the two of them, Logan, Victor as Killian's best man and Emma's ballet teacher, Mary Margaret as her maid of honor. It's funny, but Emma feels closer to her than she had ever felt to any of her ballerina friends; despite the fact that Mary Margaret is old enough to be her mother, they just clicked the first day Emma met her, and they had only gotten closer during the time they worked together on Coppelia.

Mary Margaret is Emma's best friend, but under certain light she thinks that they kind of have the same chin, but she never brings it up, and Mary Margaret doesn't either; they might talk about it someday, but for now, they are both content with what they have.

Logan is a little disappointed that Emma doesn't wear a "proper princess dress", but Killian is more than happy with the dress she had chosen instead; it's beige, long and made of layered lace with a ribbon around the waist that matches Killian's blue tie, the same tie he had worn the first time they kissed, the one she was looking for on their four months anniversary and discovered it wrapped around an engagement ring.

Today, that engagement ring is joined with a fine band of gold that Killian slips on her finger, his eyes never leaving hers; he promises to never leave her and always love her, and even though she knows better than anyone how fast everything can change, Emma can't help but believe him.

"I will always hold your hands and kiss you goodnight every night, and I won't ever stop loving you", Emma says, her voice shaking as bad as her hand; Mary Margaret sniffles and Logan is looking up at them with his mouth hanging open, his arm wrapped around Killian's leg.

Emma finally manages to put Killian's ring on and he gives her a brilliant smile, cups her face in his hands and kisses her so thoroughly her head spins.

Victor chuckles and Logan claps loudly, Emma and Killian sign their names on the dotted line, and then they are finally pronounced husband and wife.

Killian picks up Logan and their son gives them both a kiss, then leans down and caresses Emma's baby bump, laughing when his sister kicks back.

Emma looks at Killian and he runs his knuckles over her cheek, wiping away her tears, and they walk out into the sunlight holding hands.

* * *

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